year of the jellyfish

 

jellyfish

a few years ago a relative told me i reminded her of a jellyfish.  i was confused and she explained: she saw me as translucent, a pearly bubble ready to burst with all the colour and potential and goodness inside me.  she said i couldn’t see it, but she could.  it was a sweet conversation and one i remember once in a while.

maybe it’s all the end-of-2012 talk, but lately i’m beginning to feel those colours emerging.

something has shifted. like i’m breathing a sigh of relief. like i made it to the other side of something. i don’t feel quite so intensely compressed, like i’m a tube of toothpaste and someone is trying squeeze every last bit out.   although everything looks the same, something unseen and profound feels to have taken place.

i can’t hold onto anything anymore. i can’t blame anyone anymore. i can’t make excuses.  i can’t tell the same old stories.

but instead of feeling ungrounded or anxious, i feel peace.

i know that:

-i’m not powerless.

-i don’t have ‘bad karma’.

-i’m not being punished.

-there’s nothing to feel guilty about.

-i’m not unworthy.

-it’s not about the money.

(to name a few.)

whatever i used to say to myself that stopped me from doing what i really love to do, does not work anymore.

and saying that ‘i still don’t know what i really love to do’ (my usual fallback) is also an excuse, of sorts.  maybe i don’t consciously know, but it’s there nonetheless, and moving within me.  something inside has cracked and there’s an opening…to something that’s been closed a very long time.  the hope that maybe i can create whatever i want.  maybe, just maybe, everything i’ve believed for 30+ years no longer has power over me.  it’s subtle yet undeniable.

just the act of putting pen to paper (or fingertip to key) shows that something has shifted.  why today?  why after years and years, did some part of me decide that yes, today is the day to write?

my story that’s not a story. 🙂

9 thoughts on “year of the jellyfish

  1. Uplifting post. Those cycles are amazing I call them deaths and resurrections. Life is a series of them. Always they involve struggle, letting go, and a new view of something integral to life. Passiondeathresurrection……all one word.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s a great word. 🙂 It is pretty amazing to discover what has always been inside, as it reveals itself in layers. Just yesterday I found myself saying to someone that 2016 wasn’t a good year. But I felt funny saying that…and in reflecting I’m realizing that maybe 2016 was actually a GREAT year, in that it was so catalytic. I’m already seeing it as a huge turning point, which makes me look back with appreciation. Thank you Eileen! Aleya

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  2. Happy 4th blogiversary Aleya! and we are exactly 2 weeks apart, which is very cool. I have not read your first post before, so thanks for including it ( great minds think alike). It is interesting that while I was never certain that the 2012 thing was really a thing, I decided to blog around that time and then took the plunge just a couple weeks after 12-21-12. I think we were both tapping into the energy of collective evolution. Thanks for being here and speaking truth to power. So glad we found one another.

    Namaste, Linda

    Liked by 1 person

    • Two weeks apart, yes very cool! I remember being in NY for the 12-21-12 and yes, there definitely was something in the air. Such transformation within and without since then! I’m very happy that we’ve connected here on WP…it’ll be fun to see how 2017 goes…and I can’t even imagine how the world’s gonna look in another 4 years! Much love, Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on alohaleya and commented:

    It’s my 4th WordPress anniversary this week, and since we’re in a New Year month, it seems fitting to re-blog my very first post from 2013.

    I had the sense, back then, that a new world was opening up. And now, 4 years later, with friends made around the world and so many stories shared, I have a newfound appreciation for those early words.

    Reading that first post, it’s clear that I was feeling hope and relief in shedding some long-held beliefs; something had shifted within, and it was palpable. Looking back now, it’s like the stage was being set for me to discover just how deeply ingrained these beliefs were in me, and in my family, culture, and ancestry. These past few years have been about diving down, exploring, and uprooting.

    I also see that my journey has taken on a new dimension since 2013: self-compassion, humility, and forgiveness have grown. I’ve learned that spirituality is not all ‘love and light’, and that spending time in the muck is an essential part of healing. Also, after years of resisting, I’m becoming much more comfortable with silence. Stillness speaks volumes.

    Happy Anniversary, Happy 2017, and Happy Year of the Rooster! No doubt this upcoming year will be monumental. My intentions? To breathe, meditate, feel all my feelings, and remember I’m not alone. And oh yeah, to blog. 😉

    Sat Nam, Namaste, Aloha. Thank you for reading!

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  4. And I’m just about to post something about jellyfish!! Talk about coincidence!

    But then again, I don’t want to believe in coincidence. Things happen for a reason. So I realized… …YoU are a jellyfish!!
    Namaste, sweets! =)

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      • Lol! I passed out reading blogs here. The post is on its way…

        I’d like to think that when such thoughts happen, coinciding with each other,the reason behind is to reaffirm. These thoughts come from our deepest selves, the ones we need to explore further to come to that acceptance level. It has happened many times here. So definitely NoT a coincidence.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: musings on blogging | alohaleya

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