I miss you. It’s been five days since we’ve been apart, and my desire for you is stronger than ever. I thought things would be easier by now. I miss the way you would greet me every morning, without fail. I miss the way you smell. You always smelled so good. Intoxicating, really. I miss admiring your beautiful hue…so divine. And your taste. Always delectable. You never let me down.Coffee, life without you sucks. I know we had that month-long break last summer, and that was hell too. I remember those first 72 hours: the screaming headaches, the sore body, the irritability, the almost-nausea. It’s been the same this time. But I had forgotten about the constant gnawing in my stomach…the physical, visceral longing for you. My mind may think you’re no good for me, but try telling that to my body!
I’ve been in a bad mood for five days now. I mean, I don’t want to punch anyone in the face anymore, but I could do without the disgruntlement and bitterness. It doesn’t help that I’m reminded of you at every turn. Everywhere I go, I see you…people holding you, caressing you, smiles on their faces. You make everyone happy, Coffee! They don’t deserve the poisonous looks I dart them. It’s not their fault. This was my decision.
Life is so boring without you. You’re my ever-faithful companion…every morning and sometimes at work too, or on my walks. How could I forget what fun we have together? You’ve injected such joy and vitality into my life. In this mad world, isn’t that really all that matters? Shouldn’t we hold on like crazy, whenever we find it?
You make my heart beat fast. And I thought that was a negative thing…but maybe it’s not. Don’t we all want something that makes our heart go boom-boom? And maybe my dependence on you simply means that I have to cultivate other connections in my life, so that the onus isn’t always on you. Maybe I need to better acquaint myself with fruits and veggies and vitamins and yoga and meditation and smoothies. Maybe all I need is a little balance. I don’t need to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Why did I decide we needed a break? Well, I had my reasons. And I still think it’s for the best, at least for a few more days. (And I know you will forgive me and understand, because you’re just like that.) But this won’t be a permanent arrangement. I’ve seen what else is out there, and tried a few different things in your place, but they don’t hold a candle to you. (Nettle tea?! Who was I kidding?)
You know that saying, ‘Don’t know what you got till it’s gone’? Well, I get it now. Nothing fills the void like you do. Nothing lights my fire so brilliantly. There’s no way I can fight you every day. You’re far too enticing, and I’m not even going to waste my energy trying.
When our lips meet again, it will be magic. Come to my place, next Tuesday morning at 6am. I’ll have the cream and honey ready. You just bring you.
I’ll be counting the minutes.