end of stories

I’m finding that there’s nothing quite like blogging to make me more aware of, and accountable for, my thoughts and behaviors.  Writing something on the Internet, particularly when it concerns my so-called ‘flaws’, functions as my own personal self-magnifying glass.

After a recent post touching on judgment, I found myself more closely examining my inner judge.  I began to really pay attention to the various people I encountered on my daily walks.   And I noticed that, if left unchecked, my mind could fabricate a story about each and every one of them.

My mood + my memories + my projections + my fears + their appearance instantaneously combined to formulate a complex (and often unconscious) narrative about who ‘they’ were, and how I would or would not relate to them.

Judgment and story often go hand-in-hand, and stem from the ego – from fear and separation.  The ego constantly seeks to maintain control over a fragile and tenuous ‘reality’ it has created for itself through memories, beliefs, wounds, opinions, and external messages (to name a few).

Our personal narratives form our identity, and define our sense of ‘place’ – or not – in this world. The ego is terrified of letting these stories go.  Without them, what is left?  Who are we?  What do we hold on to?  The ego is constantly on the lookout for whatever does not conform to its worldview, and seeks to protect itself from any perceived threat. (Enter the story.)

The heart, conversely, comes from a position of implicit trust (love).    Not blind trust in everyone and everything we encounter – discernment is essential – but a quiet knowing that we are safe on a much deeper level than any fictional imaginings can provide.  Where my ego views a possible enemy, my heart sees a potential friend or ally.

I know that underneath all my stories, there is a deep longing for human connection.  A genuine desire to release all the opinions, thoughts, and judgments I carry around.  I know this because my heart immediately perks up, expands, warms, opens, and brightens when I receive an unexpected smile from a stranger.  In that instant, story doesn’t matter.

lotus

It’s amazing, really, how simple yet profound a smile can be.  It neutralizes.  Erases poisonous thoughts and judgments just like that [snap].  It’s magic.

***

On my morning walks I often look around and think, Each one of us woke up today, ready to do it all over again. None of us is done yet.  We’re all still supposed to be here. 

I want to nurture this vision of you as a kindred journeyer in the experience of life, navigating the mystery in their own unique and appropriate way.  A divine being, masquerading as a human for a little while.

When I let go of my fixed notions of what ‘reality’ is, and how things ‘should’ be within it, I can approach you with an unclouded heart.  I can drop my armor, meeting you with receptivity and openness. In my friend Sadee’s words, with boundaries instead of barricades.

When I release my own stories, perhaps I won’t need to project any onto you. We can each choose to be whomever we want.  And we both walk a little freer.

11 thoughts on “end of stories

  1. Beautiful – though I must say, your natural tendency to ‘view, make a story and judge’ might be considered a wonderful asset, should you label yourself “fiction writer”
    😀

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      • If it seems that changing what is socially seen as a flaw by others will somehow mean I’ll no longer be me, then I just think till I come up with a story that turns the flaw into an asset – – and see if I like living that story –
        So far, this has not led me to the life of rack and ruin, so, I tend to share alternative stories with others, as well – even when not invited to do so…
        So a very big “Whew! 🙂 that you liked my little story!
        LOL

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    • yeah it’s amazing isn’t it? writing is a powerful tool. i also have learned so much from other bloggers in the short time i’ve been on here. thank you for reading!

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  2. Thanks for checking out my blog and for taking the time to leave such nice words. I navigated over to your site and believe I have found a kindred spirit. Your writing has such resonance for me. I look forward to reading more!

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  3. This resonates with me also and I too find my blog a very excellent mirror! I am conscious of the fact, now, that I am really writing for me and my own sanity, because my thoughts just become clearer when I write them down. But it’s exciting to see my writing helps others as well, I’m sure for you too! Sharing my blog with a global community has truly been a blessing as it’s led me to encounter so many brilliant like-minded people. No one could ever convince me that the level of human consciousness isn’t rising, it most certainly is! Your blog is further proof of this phenomenon 🙂

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  4. This was another “word fitly spoken for me.” I am just stunned to meet still another kindred spirit here in the blog-o-sphere to whom I can say, “winds of thought blow magniloquent meanings betwixt me and thee.” (Archibald Macleish) I am in the middle of my nightly battle with insomnia again and decided to get up and check my email and saw that you had “liked” a couple items of mine. So I checked out your blog and found your wisdom very relevant to the dis-ease that gives rise to this insomnia. My heart is so full of these “stories” and I just can’t seem to turn them off. As the Buddhists say, my “monkey mind” is harassing me! Thanks so much.

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    • oh yes that monkey mind…i am familiar! watching my stories closely, and seeing how they can happen so unconsciously, has been hugely eye-opening. at this point all i can do is be aware of them, watch them like a movie but not get emotionally involved in them. it seems to lessen their charge. thank you for your comment. i’m glad the post resonated.

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