i am my own authority

I have been really spacey these past couple of weeks.  I don’t know if it can be pinpointed to any one factor, as things are very much in flux.

I’ve been immersing myself in Abraham-Hicks videos on youtube.  I’ve resumed my beloved Kundalini Yoga practice.  My last post triggered a deeper realization of the power I’ve given to others, and how I can shift these patterns.  I’ve been gluten/dairy free for three weeks, and am convinced my body and brain have undergone a process of shock/withdrawal.  And reality is setting in that, in just a few weeks, I must find somewhere new to live, as well as new employment!

portlandrose

A few months ago, I made the decision to leave my admin job this summer.  (This was inspired by the eye-opening discovery of an email I had written to myself in 2005.)  Giving my notice felt good.  It felt right.  It felt like relief.  It felt exciting.

So why am I now doubting myself?  The weeks are flying by, and I don’t have a real plan in place.  Despite my best intentions to use these months to get more clarity on what I really want to do, I don’t feel I’ve made much headway.

Questions abound: Have I made the right decision?  How will I pay my rent? (And where will I be paying it!?)  Is my job really so bad?  To add to my second-guessing, my employers really don’t want me to leave.  They are willing to negotiate my work schedule, and discuss other options to make things better for me.  They’ve let me know how valued I am, and I so appreciate this.  I know that’s not the case in every workplace.

I am torn between planning and surrender.  Between action and trust.  Between doing and being.  But mostly I just feel like resting…being in my own space as much as possible.  Before I can take any action, I need to be very quiet within.  To do whatever I can to hear that inner voice that just knows things will work out.

This means watching my thoughts like a hawk, and discarding those that do not empower me.

It means tuning out the opinions of others.

It means knowing that I am my own authority.

I’ve lived life with a hazy sense of needing permission to live the way I want, think the way I want, do the things I want, make the decisions I want.  Looking for the green light everywhere but in myself.  Who I am I seeking permission from?  God? Parents? My boss?  Healers, psychics, astrologers, teachers?  Yes, yes, yes…

It’s particularly scary when seeking permission becomes our unconscious modus operandi in moving through life.

What I love about the Abraham teachings is the unrelenting assertion of our personal power and authority…our inherent capacity to find relief through aligning with our Source, that is, Who We Really Are.

This is not blind optimism; this is accepting that we are divine beings, and rising to the challenge of allowing the depths of our greatness.  We have the ability to generate the circumstances that we desire.  This has nothing to do with the approval or validation of others, and everything to do with knowing we are our own best guidance system.

spmermaid

I love Kundalini Yoga for this same reason. My practice, immediately and unfailingly, shows me what I’m telling myself about life.  When I am performing a physically challenging kriya (set of postures) that feels like it might break me, every ounce of strength is focussed on my third eye as my truth whispers, ‘You are stronger than you think’.

Just as my physical muscles strengthen, my energetic core becomes stronger as I build more power within.  At first these new spiritual muscles shake and resist and doubt and protest.   But transformation occurs when I surrender to the intense discomfort and feel my cells start to pulsate with the remembrance of  my truth and divinity. My inner vastness speaks…‘You are more powerful than you think.’

***

I’m not sure when my current spaciness will subside; all I can do is be present with it.  Perhaps my inner and outer systems are being rebooted and my job, for now, is to stay out of the way.  I don’t want to be passive, but sometimes the greatest action of all is finding that inner state of calm and trust, and letting creation spring from there.

Everything that has transpired has brought me to this point.  And underneath the discomfort that comes with change, I am grateful to have the ultimate choice in how it all unfolds.

33 thoughts on “i am my own authority

  1. Pingback: self-love is in the gut | alohaleya

  2. I love Abraham, too. Often feature quotes or video clips as a part of my posts at Evolution Made Easier. I also love that I was “forced” to learn a form of self-testing when I started offering remote energy work and that inadvertantly ended up giving me a way that I could also ask questions of MY body to see what it wanted/directed. The body is a great source of support and guidance that we often don’t include in making life choices, so I am a big fan of learning some method of self-testing so we can avail ourselves of its wisdom. Our society is so mental-oriented that we are used to trying to find the “right” answer and think our way through/out of something, without including the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of ourselves.

    And I like Access Consciousness and how it promotes questioning, but not in a way where an answer is the goal. It’s all about asking a question as a way of opening up to new possibilities, awarenesses and expanding our level of consciousness. A great question to ask when considering a certain option/choice is “Will doing this serve and expand my agenda (as in what you came here to accomplish this lifetime)?” or “If I do this, how will my life be in 5 years?” Just put those out to the Universe and then let them go–not seeking an answer or “THE answer”–and see what inner promptings and outer demonstrations “just happen” to show up.

    And this may sound like a plug, but I invite you to check out my post “So, What’s YOUR Purpose?” It just might stimulate some new insight or awareness about what your next step is. 🙂

    Best wishes on your journey. These are certainly interesting times, aren’t they?!

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    • hi zirah, your blog is great! i agree that the body is a powerful source of wisdom, though (for the most part) totally overlooked in a society the promotes the ‘mental’, quick fixes, and seeing the body as a system of separate parts. the more i listen to abraham the more i’m tuning into my own guidance system and it’s fascinating how the body/feelings are responding and changing in every second, in response to our thoughts or whatever’s going on around us (or more accurately, our thoughts about whatever’s going on around us).

      i really like asking the question of will this serve what i came to accomplish/how will life be in five years. a reminder that it’s not about the one goal or answer; it’s about alignment with our inner being and allowing our life to play that out – seeing what source creates. and it’s about FUN! i’ve tended to forget that part.

      thanks for you comment and reading my posts, and the link to your post on purpose. i’m loving all this co-creation!! 🙂 aleya

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      • So interesting that you should add “And it’s about FUN!” because I almost included that as a question to ask, as in “Will this be fun?”. Maybe the reason I didn’t follow thru w/ that initial inclination was that you already “got it.” 🙂

        And, yes, I’m loving all this conscious co-creation, too! Best wishes from the mountains of western NC.

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  3. If there is another company that inspired me to pursue my dreams and passion, that company would have to be Escape the City (http://blog.escapethecity.org/). It was their actions and what they stood for that inspired me to venture and think more about life and purpose itself.

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    • i checked out the link…love it. thanks for sharing, there is such power in so many of us tuning into these new ways of being. (which i guess aren’t really ‘new’ but who we authentically are!)

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  4. Aleya, this has been my path for the past eighteen months. It has been a beautiful journey, because at first I thought it was going to be month or so of soul searching and then I I realized it was a full soul transformation that I had begun. Once fear left the building, there was so much untapped potential to explore. Recognizing Abraham’s wisdom, ” you can’t get it wrong and you can’t get it done.” has given me permission to play and explore without needing to know for sure. The biggest change for me has been shifting my thoughts to better feeling thoughts and recognizing when the voices of others are in charge instead of my inner guidance leading the way. Tuning into my emotions has been the biggest blessing. Keep up your exploration and delight in the process! Namaste, Susan

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    • thanks so much susan, i needed to hear this message today! “once fear left the building, there was so much untapped potential to explore.” – yes! and abe’s msg that ”you can’t get it wrong and you can’t get it done” – yes again! there is no turning back on this path and that’s a good thing. i’ve recently made a life decision that will really require tuning out the voices of others – i am up for it! and i love your inspiring posts and images – great daily reminders.

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      • Thank you! It is my daily source download that I love to share with others on this path, universal wisdom, short & sweet. Unlimited love! Susan

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  5. Pingback: the need to justify | alohaleya

  6. I’ve only just got round to being on here and reading this; it’s really beautiful. I do Abraham bootcamps too – sometimes I just recharge by listening to all the great downloads of all the great speakers back to back. I call it being on a spiritual transfusion 🙂 Lovely reading all the comments to you too – I recently left my job; there seems to be lots of people seeking change and transformation at the moment – lovely to read the encouraging things people had to say to you. I see myself as being on a kind of spiritual sabbatical just doing the things that I love whilst I choose or find my path. I feel very grateful to be able to do this.

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    • spiritual transfusion, i love it! 🙂 i also feel so grateful to be able to do this. as unsettling as it may be, there is so much encouragement and support out there. makes it so much easier – and fun! i’m still on my abraham hicks bootcamp too, and now that hay house summit. i really feel it’s re-patterning the grooves in my mind into a new, deeper, more fun, creative, and meaninful direction. yay! 🙂

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  7. What a powerful and beautiful post. You have come to my blog and now I come to yours and see so many similarities, I love the Law of Attraction!!! Amazing blessings. You made all your decisions for heartfelt reasons, stay the course and live in a place of love. Watch for the signs and life will point you in the right direction. I believe when you take a step towards the universe as you have recently, it takes a step towards you. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey so gracefully.

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    • thank you for stopping by my blog, and for such a lovely comment. i truly appreciate your words of encouragement and the reminder to live in love. the law of attraction is subtle, amazing, and powerful and i am blessed to explore it with kindred travellers on this journey. have a wonderful weekend! namaste, aleya

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  8. I love your post as I am also in the tumultuous state of transformation, hopefully relocation, and the new and deep study of Abraham-Hicks! I love it for all the same reasons and my yoga practice for all the same reasons you so eloquently described… we are sisters of different mothers and fathers, I swear!

    You will find your answers, because you’re seeking them from the right place. One of my favorite lines from Marianne Williamson is “Fear is sure sign that you’re trusting in your own strength” meaning your disconnected from your true self, from Source. I think that’s true of anything that doesn’t feel like peace. Your trust isn’t fully in your true self, isn’t in the brilliantly self-organizing, self-correcting nature of the universe. It can’t be or you wouldn’t feel fuzzy.

    There is a block there for sure, and the universe is bringing it to your attention so you can fix it in order to receive the blessings in store for you. The question is, what is the block, what needs healing?

    Brilliant post 🙂

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    • haha totally, we’re so similar! it’s awesome. that’s such a great marianne quote…i found an audio clip where she talks about it some more, and ended up finding a bunch of other free podcasts w oprah and eckhart and wayne, so thank you!! i can add that to my walking-to-work soundtrack!! 🙂
      what’s the block…phew. leaving a job with so many great perks, not having a plan, not really knowing what i’m ‘good’ at apart from what i’ve been doing for so many years (work)…but i know, i’m not gonna focus on that, as the larger part of me knows exactly what she’s doing so i just have to relax and trust. that’s why i need to be in my space so much these days, i’m sequestering myself from mass thought-forms!!
      thank you! i’m inspired by what’s going on in your life and looking forward to your updates. 🙂

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      • Girlfriend, you HAVE to get that book! As I dug into it one of my first thoughts was that I have to tell you! Haha, it answers all those questions you have AND provides you with PROCESSES for not just creating the life you want, but for figuring out what that is! So here’s my thing.

        Yesterday I was very focused on the fact that I wanted to co-create with the universe, but I didn’t know how. I wanted guidance. I wanted to know why I have a million ideas for art, but can’t get any momentum going with any projects. I knew I was missing something and something was in the way of that effortless accomplishment that I have experienced before and want again.

        The day went on. I went to bed determined to meditate right when I got up and went to sleep listening to a free meditation on manifesting what you desire. Instead I got out of bed, walked to my computer, turned it on, and went to Abraham-Hicks website. Everything I wanted was so expensive, but I felt a drive to get the information. So I looked into the books and I was driven to get it NOW. I went to Amazon, looked up Abraham-Hicks Kindle and purchased the first book, The Law of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham. It instantly downloaded and I started reading, absorbing all the information.

        You and I are in the same unsteady-feeling place of transformation and I think we have a lot of the same questions and concerns. I REALLY think this answers them all for both of us at the stage we are at! And I like having the written words to go back over and highlight, so in the end, I think the book was not only the most economical choice, but the best for my learning at this stage. I will say, on the Abraham-Hicks website, you can listen to the audio versions of the intro of this book for free and the power and conviction of Abraham speaking through Esther is something to hear for sure! Since I had already done that, I could really feel the power of the written words!

        I wish all the best love and wisdom and self-discovery on your journey!!!!

        Always,
        Namaste 😀

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        • OK! i am listening! i found the book and am going to get it. i also checked my library and turns out they have tons of abraham dvd’s. yay! as always, thanks for the tip xo! 🙂

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  9. I can totally relate to where you’re at and what you are feeling. In August 2009, I left everything I knew, my 30 years of living in Los Angeles and moved to live in Louisiana with family, then the beginning of this year left there and moved west again to Arizona. Trust your inner guidance and allow those doubts there moment of observation before like water in a stream, they rush away.

    I love Abraham Hicks too, I have gained some real strength from their words. Deepak Chopra happened to be there for me in my moments of doubt. I believe in you.

    Sindy

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  10. Seems to me like you really know who you are, what you are doing and where you are going. Even if you doubt it sometimes, even if it is scary (remember, courage is being scared but doing it anyways:), just bare with that inner voice! I am sure that keeping your body and mind clean, by eating the right foods and doing yoga regularly, will help you hear that voice clearer and louder.
    Thanks so much for writing about your inner processes and experiences, thats very helpful to all of us and also courageous. Looking forward to more good news 🙂 xox

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    • thanks so much for your encouragement, it definitely helps to write about it all when i know others are going thru the same thing or finding it helpful or enjoyable. 🙂 listening to one’s inner voice is an amazing journey…hearing it where i didn’t before. i’m excited to see how all our paths unfold! thanks again. xo, aleya

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  11. wow! wow! wow!! You just described me…..I wouldn’t want to turn back if I could. This though keeps me feeling sane. I too am in a place of turning out the opinions of others this has brought some challenges, but the consequences are necessary. There is some securities in our sharing. Thank you.

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    • oh i’m so glad it resonated with you…thank you for sharing! i agree that despite the challenges and doubts, once our truths speaks, we just want to listen to (and speak) it more. we couldn’t do it differently if we tried. we’re not wired that way. 😉 it brings me comfort to know there are many of us going through this process and i look forward to sharing more. namaste, aleya

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  12. Your authenticity shines from your words. I trust that to listen and be true to our inner voice allows us to expand and grow. It’s always a painful process. Much like a chick pecking its way out its eggshell… though I’m not really certain how they feel while doing that…
    “… But transformation occurs when I surrender to the intense discomfort …” – I love this phrase. Thank you. Namaste! =)

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    • thank you so much. it’s funny how finding one’s truth can be both freeing and challenging! 🙂 i love the chick and egg analogy…it’s so apt…we know we need to bust out, but have no idea what (if anything), is on the outside. but there is no turning back now 😉 namaste, aleya

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