not quitting my day job

If you’d told me a month ago that I would make the decision to stay at my job, I would have thought…there’s no possible way.

But what can I say?  Life is continually allowing me to refine my desires, and I’m just going with what feels right.

A little background: I’ve been working in administration for several years and, particularly in the last few months, have felt the strong desire to move on to employment that is more aligned with my passions and creative interests.  To that end, a few weeks ago I gave my official notice at work, and began arranging an upcoming trip to Europe.

finding the balance...

finding the balance…

I didn’t really have a plan in place, except to enjoy the art, culture, and wine of Italy, and let inspiration find me.  And, until recently, I felt relieved with my decision.  I felt quite proud for taking a leap into the unknown, and following my dreams.  For saying ‘yes’ to adventure and freedom and wanderlust. (Let’s face it, that sounds pretty cool.)

I felt happy that I wouldn’t have to deal with the same old work scenarios, the same old dynamics, the same old…sameness of everything.

But as the weeks flew by, uncertainty crept in. Instead of feeling sustained excitement and adventure, I felt uneasy.  Was this too much change?  What are my dreams?  Will I be able to pursue them fully, and enjoy Europe, if I am stressed about finances and not having a job to return to?

I know many of us are facing ambivalence about our work.  How do we feel fulfilled and inspired in a career that, at times, feels like it’s sucking the soul right out of us?  How do we know when we’re finally done, that the universe is calling us to something higher?  When do we stay put, and when do we move on?

Having quit my job, I began to see more clearly, and deeply appreciate, its many positive aspects (including the best co-workers ever).  I realized that I’d been getting very comfortable with what I had, and taking much for granted.

I’d become so accustomed to focusing on the ‘negatives’ that I allowed them to completely eclipse the positives.

I started to observe: in which aspects of my job do I feel the most resistance, and how does this resistance play out in other areas of my life?  If I can transform that root resistance, will my experience of my job change?

For example, one of my beliefs is that I have no personal connection to the work I perform.  While this is somewhat true, I’ve put a lot of emphasis on this thought-form, and thus it has become a Big Problem.  I have over-identified with my job, allowing it to be reflective of who I am, when it is not at all Who I Really Am.  Moreover, I’ve felt that people are judging me for the ‘boring’ work that I do…when in reality it’s mostly me judging myself.  (There’s that ego again.)

I’ve also observed that I get emotionally triggered by certain people and interactions at work.  (Who can’t relate to that!?)  But interactions that push my buttons will follow me throughout my life, and in all scenarios, if I don’t find a way deal with them effectively, and in a way that feels good and empowering to me.

Every relationship is an opportunity to expand, and work peeps are no exception.  What energy/vibration/intention am I bringing to each interaction?  I’m going to be more diligent with this awareness, and I’m intrigued by the transformation that will undoubtedly occur.

I’ve also been carrying the mindset that I don’t love my job.  But the fact is, there are a lot of little things I do love about it.  And, in providing a foundation of stability, it enables me to do those things I truly love to do, even if I’m not doing them while physically at my desk.  It’s all about my own perspective.

Abraham-Hicks would advise that I continue to focus on these positive aspects, to get into a consistent state of gratitude that will align me with even more things to feel good about.  I have been practicing this in the last couple of months, and can honestly say that my life experience has changed for the better.  Things are happening – with my writing, with my trip, with a couple cool creative side projects I’ve been approached to work on.

do you think they ask themselves so many questions?

do you think they ask themselves so many questions?

So where does that leave my plan to ditch everything and hang out in Europe for a while?  I spoke with my employer and they were willing to arrange a two-month leave for me.  So instead of quitting outright, I’ll go on my trip and return to my job in the Fall.

This feels really good to me.  Perhaps I just need a grand adventure, something totally different, to reboot my system.  And I can then revisit matters when I’m back, with a fresh perspective. (Unless, of course, a handsome Italian whisks me away on his Vespa, which quite a few people think might happen…)

I really admire those that courageously pursue their dreams and, to be completely honest here, a small part of me feels like I’ve reneged on a promise I made to myself to do the same.  That little voice can’t help but wonder if my recent uncertainty reflects a lack of trust, a latent belief that I’m not worthy or capable of creating the life of my dreams. That by staying where I am (for the time being), I’m sending the message to the universe that I’m not serious about pursuing those dreams.

But of course that’s not my intent.  Let me be clear: my intent is to reframe my current situation (with gratitude), so that it allows the nurturing of my dreams – which are still evolving.  This is called appreciating, and maximizing, the best of both worlds.

Ultimately I am very grateful to have options to change things around if they’re not feeling right.  And as I tweak my desires, the universe responds with the support I need to make it happen.  I am the sole designer of my life, and I have complete creative control.

***

I’m off to a weekend workshop in beautiful Whistler, BC and am looking forward to the summer mountain air and connecting with kindred spirits, for what will likely be a very transformational couple of days. I’m sure I will glean some further insights there. 😉

Namaste.

27 thoughts on “not quitting my day job

  1. Pingback: my ancestors made me quit | alohaleya

  2. Very likely you will be whisked off on the Vespa – it happens in Italy. It happened to me; without the Vespa. Had a wonderful time and can’t wait to go back. I travel the world 100% as I love adventure and wanderlust. I have a strong feeling this trip to Italy will change your life. Thanks for coming over to my blog and liking it. If you want to read more about being a perpetual traveler come on over to my itunes app Vagabond Travel Photography Mag if you like and would love to stay in touch with you. I’m happy for you!

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    • aaah i love waking up to comments like this – thanks you! 🙂 last night i had my first actual dream about my trip so the excitement and reality of it is starting to build. right now i’m just working on the practical details of wrapping up loose ends at my job, and doing the logistical planning…and i can’t wait for the ‘magic’ to set in. thank you for your comment, your blog is wonderful and i love your philosophy and way of life. namaste, aleya

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  3. I find myself in the same position over and over again. I think ultimately it’s the choice between freedom and security.
    Positive thinking changes the perspective from which we observe the world. Definitely we should stick to it!
    Have a whale of a time in Italy and who knows what the experience will reveal to you… 😉

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    • thanks! now that some time has gone by, i know i made the right decision. i have been making a concerted effort to appreciate the positive aspects about my job, and it seems to be working! 🙂 ultimately i know i would not enjoy italy to the fullest if i was worried about not having a job to come back to (if i come back haha). as you say, it’s about freedom and security and for now the balance feels right to me.

      i caught up with some friends yesterday and one of them has recently returned from an overseas trip, where she’d been for eight months. she was telling me she didn’t want to go back to her job (here) at a bank, and she had an idea of what she wanted to do instead – her passion. she sounded so clear, so peaceful…and, importantly, she knew what she wanted to now pursue. i think that makes all the difference! when we know what we want, it doesn’t seem overwhelming and stressful. it seems like the next logical step. thanks again for your comment! aleya

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    • lol. this is true. i guess i’m reneging on the part of me that wanted to be all adventurous and throw complete caution to the wind and quit my job and have some amazing opportunity magically present itself in its place. how cool would that be!? hah. but i think keeping all my options open is a much better plan. i am open to anything! thanks tamrah-jo 🙂

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  4. I just loved reading this. I actually took the plunge and left for Bangkok three months ago. Mine was for a job contract. Going to Italy is the best thing you can do, keeping your job sounds like a wonderful thing to do if you can take the leave. I think it is important to have to financial security unless you are completely in vibrational alignment. I am speaking from my own personal circumstance now 🙂 Traveling is worth any sacrifice you would have to make. What I especially love about your perspective is finding the positive aspects of your job now. I realized I was not doing that, I am in resistance and expecting change. Focusing on the gratitude of your situation now will transform it. I am excited to hear how you open up in Italy. I actually started writing my blog in Bangkok so I am sure you will open up in new creative ways you were not aware of yet. We are always exactly in the perfect place at the perfect time.

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    • i totally agree with everything you say, esp the part about financial security and vibrational alignment. at first i thought i had to quit my job completely, because i figured i couldn’t fully enjoy my trip with ‘going back to work’ looming on my mind. but as i began to plan my trip i was already stressing about finances, and i couldn’t talk myself back to a feeling good place, ie, in vibrational alignment. so my actions would not be from an aligned place, which wouldn’t be best for my trip. and also, once i began to appreciate the great things about my job, those things that aren’t-so-great have become much more manageable – and minor. it’s so true what you say that focusing on the gratitude of the situation now will transform it. it’s all perspective and what we choose to bring from it. i’m excited to read more about your travels and i look forward to sharing italy. thank you!

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  5. love this! I have asked myself these exact questions all year at my current job. And came to very similar conclusions. For me it was a lot about patience, not giving up the dream, but recognizing it might not all be coming together right now at this moment when I want it, and that is all right. Thanks for sharing!

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    • yes! that’s the thing…the dream takes its own time to unfold in the best way for us. we just have to trust that our higher self, or source/spirit knows exactly what’s in our hearts, and is helping us to achieve that. not only that, what is being created for us could be bigger and better than we can imagine right now. so patience is needed as all those things line up for the change to be the best it can be. thank you for your comment! aleya

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  6. Wow, congrats on this! Interesting how this all works out. I have had similar processes, and while I’m not going to Italy (so jealous you still do get the adventure!), I have truly come to feel at peace with my day job, even while understanding it does not fulfill a deep part of me. I can’t wait to hear how your Italian adventure goes and how this focus on gratitude attracts to you all sorts of wonderful opportunities.

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    • i think we have to come to peace/acceptance with all those things we feel resistance to, otherwise they’ll always attract that negative response within us, which keeps the frustrated/stuck cycle. sigh, not always as easy as it sounds right? hah. with my job, i’m seeing how i totally magnified certain things about it that, in reality, took up such a little part of my actual workday. i let isolated incidents (emails etc) take up such a big chunk of energy and it kinda skewed my whole perception of my job. now, in those moments when i get triggered, i try to deal with it as quickly as possible and forget about it, instead of letting it sit on my to-do list and get grumpy whenever i think about it, consequently letting that feeling drag out way longer than it has to. just building new habits in dealing with things.
      i’m glad you’re at peace with your day job. it just means we have to make sure we find that extra time to do what we love to do and enjoy those moments to the fullest. until the balance shifts and we find ourselves spending more time in the loving-what-we-do place. thanks. 🙂

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  7. I’m sure you have been in a park where the ducks and geese settle before flying South again. Don’t you find them noisy? I’ve been chased for taking photos of them before. They are very protective and they get extremely louder when chasing.
    They have the skills to quack and honk, much like the monkey chatter in our heads. But do appreciate that as nature calls it, they follow their instinct. Whether to protect or to survive. They heed to their oWN calling.

    Perhaps your obsession with ducks is showing you this. Instinctively and intuitively follow your gut, your heart, follow your natural flow. Doesn’t make a difference when you’re off to Italy or staying put. Simply listen to what it says NoW, from within. The Universe is aligning the path for you. Keep awareness for such signs. Master your senses. They will not harm you. Trust the process.

    My therapist once told me that as much as I hate my full time job, I only need to see it as a step to do what I love to do. You said the same thing. I still don’t like it. The shift work kills my body. But it is what I have now that aids me to pursue my passion. We all have those emotional vampires at work. I simply smile at them and show them I have bigger fangs. 😉

    Enjoy your Whistler workshop! Dangit, I’m envious. xo =)

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    • ooh those ducks, i never thought about it that way. yes. follow my instinct, heed my own calling, do what feels right for me in this moment, even if it differs from what’s felt right in previous moments. i’ve never been chased, but i’ve seen others get attacked and it looks scary and funny at the same time.

      i agree with your therapist. i (we?) need to make friends with our jobs and appreciate them for how they’re allowing us to do what we love to do, or at least discover what we love to do. my job is providing a platform from which i can explore all these desires while not worrying how i’m going to pay for rent or dinner. that’s actually a really big thing! it’s also a big thing to really know what you love to do.
      i can imagine that shift work is particularly brutal though, and adds an extra challenge to the mix…

      my whistler workshop was good…i’m a little exhausted and hope i can function at work tomorrow! hehe. thanks for your thoughtful comment, i’m giving you a big (fangs-free!) smile right now. xo, aleya.

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      • You can fang me anytime!! 😉 I’m laughing like silly here…

        I find analogy in a lot of things. Somehow my eyes got trained like that. Everything around is similar in most ways; a blink here and there and we can see things differently. Like you can start chasing the ducks instead and you’ll find out that it’ll backfire. Because this is not the natural flow of the Universe. Much like when we start chasing the dream… it is never about chasing it. A goal, a purpose to keep ourselves aligned in that path. But never chase. We’ll eventually feel tired and succumb to all those pathetic emotions. It’s tempting, I know. We want things right here, right now. We keep saying we only have to flow with how things are in this moment. It’s not easy, huh? I find myself within that fine line: Am I letting things be? Or am I stagnant?

        I hope to be able to visit Whistler one day. Wanderlust. It’s a dream… but I won’t chase it. More like I’m stopping myself from chasing it. xox

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  8. Aleya, I love this post and your honesty in your process. I think the most interesting part of this work is recognizing that the brain (and ego) are not always aware of what is created vibrationally. So we “decide” we want things with our minds, but our heart/vibration are already busy creating what we really want. Think about how much time you spend at work, and how many vibrational requests for improvements you have made. I am pretty sure your inner being wants to give you the opportunity to enjoy those improvements as your vibration rises and becomes a match to all you have created. So much more to experience once you are consistently in the vortex, even if you were to never leave home! Much love! Susan

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    • thank you susan, i love this comment as it reflects perfectly where i’m at right now! for so long i’ve wanted to escape my job instead of realizing how many wonderful aspects have been staring at me in the face all along (including the ability to take a leave), and i’d just gotten used to them – or rather, i stopped appreciating them, thus keeping me in that state of lack and wanting. and if i quit from this state of lack, i’d just create a situation where it all repeated itself – no matter where i was. i think that’s one of the biggest things i’m learning from abraham: ‘take no action if you are not in the vortex!’ learn to discern when you are and aren’t acting from alignment…by how you’re feeling. it’s so simple! thank you! aleya

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