Well, the time has come for me to vacate the little jewel I’ve been residing in these past few months.
I spent most of yesterday cleaning, de-cluttering, laundering, gathering boxes, and packing.
This is the first time I’ve felt truly sad leaving a place. A close friend has been travelling overseas for the last four months, and I’ve been subletting her beautiful top floor/corner suite/adjacent-to-my-favourite-park apartment. I’ve moved around my city many times, but it’s always been my decision when to leave, and the timing has usually felt right. And though I knew this date was coming, I didn’t expect it to happen this fast, or hit me so hard.
This sweet suite has been a blessing in so many ways.
Living here has helped me appreciate, and cherish, the peace, power, and necessity of having a personal sanctuary to come home to. Because I’ve generally been so transient, I’ve never invested a lot of time and energy into creating a perfect and sacred living space. Buying furniture just hasn’t fit into my temporary lifestyle. But having spent four months in this little suite filled with carved deities and plants and yoga books and pillows, my formerly “zen and uncluttered” style now feels a bit sparse and sterile!
My friend has lived in her apartment for about twenty years, and I can feel her steadfast love and energy imbuing its every corner. My max in any given place has been about a year and a half!
I also re-fell in love with my city in these months. This is not hard to do – it’s one of the most beautiful cities in the world – but nevertheless this was no small feat. Over time I’d become very jaded and could see only the ‘negatives’ in my environment. Being nested in this oasis of calm in the midst of relative chaos brought me much joy and gratitude as I explored my surroundings, as if for the first time, from this quiet centre.
I hadn’t felt this way in a long time. It’s really not a nice feeling to be so disconnected to – to want to escape from – where you live. And strange as it sounds, as I began seeing with new eyes, I felt like my city was responding to me positively in kind. I have been feeling an underlying and energetic symbiosis in this deepening relationship, and it feels really good. (And, interestingly, my trip to Europe became revived only after I’d come to this place of peace with my surroundings.)
Oh, and the ducks. Let’s not forget the ducks. 😉
So what happens now? My friend is back in two days. I leave for Italy in five weeks, so the next little while will be hugely busy with housesitting/cat-sitting duties (I intend to live rent-free till I’m back!), preparing for my leave at work, and, of course, planning my trip. Everything seems to be happening on its own momentum and I’m just going with it while doing what needs to be done everyday. All the while trying not to get too overwhelmed!
It sounds dramatic, but its apt to say that my spring/summer abode has been a godsend. I had a feeling it would be a powerful stay, but I can’t believe how much has changed in four months. Actually, I do believe how much has changed, because my desire for change was so strong at that time. In fact, reading the post I wrote when I first moved in is a little eerie. In a really cool way.
Maybe it’s good that I’m leaving now, when I am still so in love with the ‘princess pad’ (as my dear friend G likes to call it). In my heart it will always be the space in which I grew leaps and bounds and really saw the beauty around me, on a very deep level. And though I am sad to leave, I know that change is inevitable and, more importantly, the desires and realizations I’ve had here are now leading me somewhere else, where they will unfold in a perfectly different way. Right on schedule.
After writing all this, I wonder: is it really about the apartment or the city? Or were they simply the positive catalysts (and reflections) for the growing love and connection I’m experiencing within? Hmm…
I’ve asked for change, and change is certainly what I’m getting. And I’ll tell the universe what I’ve told it many times before:
Bring it on.