Years ago I worked in an aromatherapy store and, one night at closing, my manager’s friend, J, stopped by to wait for her. I was counting the money in the till when J began channelling messages to me. She told me she and I had a ‘contract’ to meet at this point in time, for her to deliver guidance that I might need to hear. I remember glancing at my manager in surprise and total bewilderment. She just wore a knowing little smile on her face.
So began a series of sessions where J would transmit messages to me from my etheric guides. I had not personally experienced such a phenomenon before; though I’d always been into the metaphysical, I never thought something so ‘out there’ would happen to me.
The messages I received were very healing. I felt a connection to the spirit world I’d never felt before. Though the rational, logical part of me wanted to doubt the validity of what was taking place – to convince myself it was a scam – this was in no way a money-making or ego-boosting venture for J. Of this I was sure.
In one of our last sessions together, J advised that I would soon be ‘jumping ship’. She asked me to look out into the harbour, of which there are several in my city, as one boat’s name would call out to me. Well, in the 10+ years since our meeting, I’ve scanned many a harbour, searching for that one special boat that would deliver the magical answer I’ve been searching for! (To what question, I don’t know. Only now do I realize that hundreds of boats have been communicating with me – most recently, ‘Synchronicity’ and ‘Shakti’.)
I have never forgotten J’s message of jumping ship. In the early days of hearing these words, I took them to mean physical escape. That I would soon leave my city, my family, my work, my community…all those things I felt bound me to an existence that wasn’t truly ‘me’. I would start life anew, happier and freer than ever before.
It took a while for me to figure out that ‘jumping ship’ did not mean ‘running away’.
Last week was an emotional wringer. Two separate incidences triggered a mass of deep pain – and anger – within me. Stuff I thought I’d dealt with, which had seemed under ‘control’, roared back with a vengeance. I searched for the best feelings I could, tried to think the best thoughts I could…but nothing could pull me out of the deep funk. I just had to sit with those feelings and, painful as they were, surrender into them. They clearly weren’t going anywhere.
I was actually experiencing a feeling of terror that I would never be able to let go of my self-limiting thoughts and beliefs – it felt as though they were energetically choking me. Like my demons were writhing within. And in this place of intense discomfort I realized that my only hope and recourse – my only way out – was to hold on for dear life to the idea, as fragile a thread as it was, as foreign a concept as it’d been in the past, that I Am Love.
For some months now I’ve been deriving great comfort from Abraham-Hicks’ assertion that I have the power to create any life that I want. But last week was a major reality check. I was forced to really look at myself: am I full of shit? Do I really, deep down, believe what I say? Are my words just words? Is there really an energetic place (the vortex) where all my desires are just waiting for me to claim them? Am I worthy of them? Do I believe or do I doubt?
I’m still feeling a little raw, but as the days go by, there is more and more lightness and relief. I’m realizing on a deep and profound level that jumping ship is an internal process. Jumping ship means finally letting go of the self-doubt, resentment, and guilt I’ve been carrying for years. It means truly having enough of the pain and frustration I’ve been so accustomed to.
It means knowing there are no more excuses to avoid the necessity – and inevitability – of holding myself to a higher standard; of accepting that I Really Am Love, and allowing that love to flow in, out, and through me. Even (especially?) when that love feels elusive. It means I can’t view life in terms of struggle. It means keeping up with the joyous expansion that is my true nature.
There’s no other option. If I want to truly evolve and grow in this life, I can’t hold on to what’s anchored me for years – familiar as it may be.
My channelling friend did also say that I would be moving on to the ‘Good Ship Lollipop’. (She/they liked to speak in riddles). At the time I had no idea what that meant, and only recently Googled the lyrics for the tune. Reading them made me laugh.
Oh yes, the time’s about right. I’m ready to dive in.