time to jump ship

Years ago I worked in an aromatherapy store and, one night at closing, my manager’s friend, J, stopped by to wait for her.  I was counting the money in the till when J began channelling messages to me.  She told me she and I had a ‘contract’ to meet at this point in time, for her to deliver guidance that I might need to hear.  I remember glancing at my manager in surprise and total bewilderment.  She just wore a knowing little smile on her face.

So began a series of sessions where J would transmit messages to me from my etheric guides.  I had not personally experienced such a phenomenon before; though I’d always been into the metaphysical, I never thought something so ‘out there’ would happen to me.

childheart

The messages I received were very healing. I felt a connection to the spirit world I’d never felt before.  Though the rational, logical part of me wanted to doubt the validity of what was taking place – to convince myself it was a scam – this was in no way a money-making or ego-boosting venture for J.  Of this I was sure.

In one of our last sessions together, J advised that I would soon be ‘jumping ship’.  She asked me to look out into the harbour, of which there are several in my city, as one boat’s name would call out to me.  Well, in the 10+ years since our meeting, I’ve scanned many a harbour, searching for that one special boat that would deliver the magical answer I’ve been searching for!  (To what question, I don’t know.  Only now do I realize that hundreds of boats have been communicating with me – most recently, ‘Synchronicity’ and ‘Shakti’.)

I have never forgotten J’s message of jumping ship.  In the early days of hearing these words, I took them to mean physical escape. That I would soon leave my city, my family, my work, my community…all those things I felt bound me to an existence that wasn’t truly ‘me’.  I would start life anew, happier and freer than ever before.

And, in some ways, I did escape. I moved to different locations and tried different jobs.  But I soon found out – Wherever I go, there I am.  I couldn’t escape my head, my thoughts, my fears, my heart.

It took a while for me to figure out that ‘jumping ship’ did not mean ‘running away’.

***

Last week was an emotional wringer.  Two separate incidences triggered a mass of deep pain – and anger – within me.  Stuff I thought I’d dealt with, which had seemed under ‘control’, roared back with a vengeance. I searched for the best feelings I could, tried to think the best thoughts I could…but nothing could pull me out of the deep funk.  I just had to sit with those feelings and, painful as they were, surrender into them.  They clearly weren’t going anywhere.

I was actually experiencing a feeling of terror that I would never be able to let go of my self-limiting thoughts and beliefs – it felt as though they were energetically choking me.  Like my demons were writhing within.  And in this place of intense discomfort I realized that my only hope and recourse – my only way out – was to hold on for dear life to the idea, as fragile a thread as it was, as foreign a concept as it’d been in the past, that Am Love.

theharbour

For some months now I’ve been deriving great comfort from Abraham-Hicks’ assertion that I have the power to create any life that I want.  But last week was a major reality check.  I was forced to really look at myself: am I full of shit?  Do I really, deep down, believe what I say?  Are my words just words?  Is there really an energetic place (the vortex) where all my desires are just waiting for me to claim them?  Am I worthy of them?  Do I believe or do I doubt?

I’m still feeling a little raw, but as the days go by, there is more and more lightness and relief.  I’m realizing on a deep and profound level that jumping ship is an internal process.  Jumping ship means finally letting go of the self-doubt, resentment, and guilt I’ve been carrying for years. It means truly having enough of the pain and frustration I’ve been so accustomed to.

It means knowing there are no more excuses to avoid the necessity – and inevitability – of holding myself to a higher standard; of accepting that I Really Am Love, and allowing that love to flow in, out, and through me.  Even (especially?) when that love feels elusive.  It means I can’t view life in terms of struggle.  It means keeping up with the joyous expansion that is my true nature.

There’s no other option.  If I want to truly evolve and grow in this life, I can’t hold on to what’s anchored me for years – familiar as it may be.

My channelling friend did also say that I would be moving on to the ‘Good Ship Lollipop’. (She/they liked to speak in riddles).  At the time I had no idea what that meant, and only recently Googled the lyrics for the tune. Reading them made me laugh.

Oh yes, the time’s about right.  I’m ready to dive in.

16 thoughts on “time to jump ship

  1. OK this is purely kismet. You and I are paralleling in a big way. As much as I feel your pain I’m glad that you are facing them as you are because it’s reflecting back to me my desire for self-honesty.

    Beautifully written. As you move through your next journey I’d like us to stay in touch, if you’d like. My email is on my page.

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    • i love kismet! 🙂 yes for sure we will stay in touch, i will find your email. i hope to blog from italy and that’s my plan but i guess i don’t know really what to expect at this point. thank you again for your kind words. xo

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  2. Oh sister, I know! There, there…its going be alright. You know I just experienced a trying emotional episode that lingers still. Just last night I was telling my sister about Abraham and how as much as I know about spiritual psychology, I am so excited to learn more on another level. The mechanics of the teachings of The Law of Attraction through Abraham and Ester makes good sense to me. I was also telling my sister that my Being wasn’t at all distraught by the recent events but probably was delighted by the opportunity to feel so deeply. We truly learn who we are and what we are made of. I will diligently monitor and direct my thoughts and emotions because I know that it will bring me what I want!

    P.S. The Deepak Relationship Meditation Challenge starts today! Whoop, whoop!

    Namaste Sister
    Sindy

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    • yeah phew that was quite a dizzy for me! well as abe would say, we don’t want to feel positive all the time right? we came here for that contrast to spark new desires. so my vibrational escrow is that much bigger! hehe. i can see now how what happened was was the manifestation(s) of some of the most deep and limiting lingering beliefs i’ve held. and they have to do with keeping myself small. so the choice is – keep seeing myself as small, or catch up to the expansion. guess which i pick…

      i’m really looking forward to reading about your meditation challenge as i won’t be taking part…please share the wisdom and reflections you glean! xox

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      • Really why not participate? It is only a few minutes a day. It was okay today. “Today I open to the presence of miracles.” A bit anticlimactic as I have been so pumped by Abe~ I have a full seminar from YouTube~

        Namaste
        Sindy

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  3. How easy it seems to simply run away… only to begin once again where we first started.

    This is one of my biggest setbacks. I run. I hide. I collect all the stones and pile them high to stay behind a wall. I dig deep into the earth to sink in my rabbit hole. We all have pains and frustrations, and I get that. Still, my instinct calls for me to turn around. I keep denying myself the very thing I need to accept. How duh can I be? Just friggin’ hurts, y’know… so I numb myself with the pains and the frustrations, living outside myself. Like a zombie. Then guess what??! They friggin’ keep coming back… as a herd of zombies out to hunt me down.

    DIve in, sweets. Head on with your heart open. There is no other way. Be the ducks and dive in the waters. We all seek closure to all those aches. And most of the time, the best closure to have is to spread your arms wide, swan dive, plunge, and let go. xoxo =)

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    • there is no other way! i felt that so profoundly. like i was at an impasse; like whatever worked before (which didn’t really work) wasn’t going to work anymore. sigh. feeling like i went thru a mini exorcism lol. i know there will be more; once you’re on this path there is no going back. i’m feeling what you’re saying…denying the very thing we need to accept. for me i wonder – why’s it so friggin’ hard to just accept we are love? why so much resistance around that simple true concept? reminds me of the rumi quote – your task is not to search for love but to uncover the barriers you have surrounding it (paraphrasing).

      thanks my dear, and for remembering the ducks. i’m still stalking them every day, btw! xoxo

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      • I love Rumi. I swear we may have met at another lifetime. Me listening under a tree where he expresses his words…

        The impasse still exists for me. Kinda in a rut really. =/ A vision came and funny how it makes sooo much sense and at the same time, feels good and right. Same feeling when I decided for teacher training. But it’s a journey within a journey… I know you get what I mean.

        All I know right now is I can’t wait to sing: Leaving on a Jet Plane. Kinda matches your Good Ship Lollipop. 😉

        Thank you, Aleya, for being an awesome soul to share such thoughts with. xoxo

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  4. Oh, I can so relate to everything you write. We are so much “kindred spirit”, cut from the same bolt of cloth. I often use the metaphor for my wife, “I just need to do the Gauguin thing—cut off my ear, flee to Tahiti, and chase the native maidens.” She understands that it is just my desire to “escape” the oppressive limits of day to day hum-drum. Thanks so much for your powerful posts. And thanks for checking in today to some of mine.

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    • thank you for your comment and i am glad that my posts resonate! it’s all part of transformation and the spiritual path isn’t…going deeper and deeper and facing those aspects of ourselves that aren’t so pleasant. now i can see that i needed to be shown those patterns still operating within me, and take responsibility for them. sometimes it has to become so unbearable that we physically feel that we’ve had ENOUGH and can’t take anymore! i definitely feel like some space has opened up and i’m determined to fill it with more feel-good things. thanks! aleya

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  5. Oh man, that has happened to me so many times. I know it will happen again, because growth and change demand transformation, and that’s rarely easy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said I’ve forgiven and felt that I’d forgiven, only for anger and resentment to rear their ugly heads. Plus it’s just a general rule, if you’re a deep spiritual seeker (and you are) the unhealed places in you will be shoved in your face through other people and experiences in order for you to heal. I’ve had A LOT of that this past year, and a lot of dealing with fear, which is the post I’m working on now.

    There will always be times in which life feels like a little like a roller coaster, but I think with time and increasing personal growth, the peaks and the valleys become less far apart.

    Also…you must be on the verge of something huge!

    Love ya!
    Jackie

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    • so glad you understand and can relate! so true, isn’t it…something throws us for a curve and all that old stuff appears, seemingly stronger than ever. i think it’s especially noticeable when we’ve trained ourselves into greater appreciation for longer and longer periods of time – that becoming our new normal – so when we’re thrown out it feels sooo much worse. and yes, all those places where those old emotions have been lurking are being brought to light, because we’ve asked for the healing, so that we can be free. this process of expansion has waves…which is what we want, right – the contrast? i also find that once these deep places are shown to us and we don’t resist – we just let them do their thing – when they’ve been acknowledged and allowed to move through us and eventually pass, the resulting feeling is sooo much freer and lighter. and i’m actually thankful for those incidences. because they didn’t come out of the blue – it was all in my vibration, and i’m paying attention: cleaning it up! phew! thank you sister!! xox

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