Here I am in beautiful Villasimius, Sardinia, experiencing the first semblance of calm in weeks. After two flights, two coach rides, and minimal sleep in the last 48 (or is it 72?) hours, I’m looking forward to a few days of hot beach weather and relaxation before I leave for Rome next weekend, where things will no doubt move at a very different pace.
The days leading to my departure were filled with organizing/de-cluttering all my stuff, training my temp at work, and finalizing all the last minute details of my trip. And though I’d already decided that Italy would be about absorbing the beauty of the country on its many different levels, during all this activity of preparation I felt a little voice asking me to set aside some more specific intentions for my journey…to visualize what I really wanted to come out of this trip, to make it as potent and powerful as possible.
But I realized something interesting: my intentions have often centered on some aspect of ‘improving’ myself. As though I want to fix something that’s broken. And during a long walk the day before I left home, I had a sudden flash: Maybe I don’t even have any ‘issues’!
The thought seemed to come from nowhere. It reminded me of a conversation I’d had with a co-worker/friend a few days prior. We’re so used envisioning a new-and-improved version of ourselves somewhere down the line, in the future, and we do so many things to attain that. But how often do we really appreciate our growth and evolution, since ‘the future’ is ever-inaccessible to us on any real, tangible level? We hold ourselves in a constant state of mild (or major) dissatisfaction, never fully enjoying our experiences, as (in our minds) we’re never quite where we ‘should’ be. We keep true self-appreciation at arm’s length.
Maybe, just maybe, there is nothing to improve. Maybe I’ve focused on my so-called issues for so long that they’ve grown into these big monsters which have needed constant attention, soothing, quelling, analyzing, and clearing…when really, they’ve held little, if any, inherent truth from the start.
Intentions are important, and very powerful. And I know that as the days go by, I will have more clarity surrounding how I want life to look when I return home. But I don’t want those insights to come from a place of trying to ‘fix’ myself. I want more peace and less self-critique; to have that state of being become my new normal, the springboard from which I create. That is my ultimate intention, regardless of where I am in the world. Peace with myself…allowing all else to emanate from there. I am open to whatever role Italia plays in the process!
But first things first: a solid night’s sleep and a strong espresso in the morning.
The journey begins…