self-love is in the gut

There have been countless times in the past few weeks where I have wanted to write, but wow. Just when the dust had settled on one thing, another windstorm swooped in!

It’s not that really major things have happened in my external world – though a couple of significant events have taken place. It’s more that my internal system is being shaken up in a big way – some very powerful (and uncomfortable) shifts and reboots, and I’m just trying to keep up with the pace.  (What else is new!?)

Most of it has to do with personal power and the Divine Feminine.

I almost feel like I need to write this post in installments, as so much has come to the surface in my life lately; habitual patterns and beliefs making themselves known louder than ever, wanting to be released and transformed once and for all.  No more excuses.  No more fear.

It all seems to have started a few weeks ago when I went for a walk.  I remember it well, because it was a beautiful Sunday morning, and mercury retrograde was about to start.  For some reason, Mary came into my mind (or consciousness).  As in, Mother Mary.

Maybe it was the influence of Italy still with me, but I thought how interesting it was that a figure so central to many people’s lives, all over the world, has held little, if any, personal significance or meaning for me.  I was not brought up with any sort of Christian or Catholic teachings; therefore I have always viewed Mary as someone (something?) totally ‘out there’, unrelated to my existence.

I initiated a conversation with Mary that day. Wondering who she is, whether she does have some relevance to my life.  I realized that there was almost an…irritation that I didn’t ‘know’ anything about her.  How is it possible to miss a connection you’ve never even had?

I must have had something on my mind that particular day, because I asked Mary for her help.  I honestly don’t remember the details of what I asked for…but I do know that later that very afternoon, some family tension surfaced quite dramatically and, in the ensuing week, things hitherto unacknowledged were actually spoken about.  The details aren’t relevant here; what’s important is that the discussion made way for major clearing and, since then, an inner part of me has felt much freer.

For so long now I have been reading about the Divine Feminine’s return to earth at this time, to bring healing and restore balance to a planet that has leaned far too much in the way of greed and war, fast on its way to destruction.  I’ve been aware that I, being a woman and resonating with the concept of ‘Divine Feminine’, have a role to play in this.  But I’ve never really felt that role.

Since that sunny Sunday, I’ve had some profound insights about my personal power – my centre, my third chakra, my solar plexus – and how, for most of my life, I have not been operating from this place.  I’ve been in the head; very attached to my fast-moving mind, my intellect, my endless analyses of situations.

But that has come with a hefty cost: an emptiness, a hole, in the place of my true power – my gut.  I know I can no longer afford living in this state of imbalance.

Right now I am at a place of no turning back. I’ve previously written about speaking my truth, being my own authority, and defining my own ‘spirituality’.  In fact many of my posts concern finding out who I am, what my voice is, what I need, and fully allowing that.  These are recurring themes in my life, and it feels like things have now been taken to a whole new level.  Because I can’t just philosophize about it; I have to be it.

And the Divine Feminine is making herself, her presence, her role in that process known.

As I was explaining to my beautiful galpal the Shamanic Tracker, it’s like I’ve gone through a mini-exorcism – wrestling with all these old notions of unworthiness and struggle and powerlessness. And my body is no longer willing or able to house all those (false) beliefs and behaviours.

I’ve missed blogging and catching up with my favourite bloggers, and articulating all that I’m experiencing is a little challenging!  I can say that I have a deepening relationship with my belly, which I’ve never had before; trusting it (her), breathing into it (her), acknowledging the immense wisdom and power that resides there – that has always resided there.  The head is important, as of course is the heart.  But it is my gut that has been waiting patiently for me to take notice.  It’s taken a while to get here, and I know it is worth the wait.

I think women and men are on the brink of something potentially beautiful and revolutionary in our evolution, and in our relationships with each other.  I would love this blog to be a space where ideas are shared on how we can co-create this new way of being, and being Divine together.


33 thoughts on “self-love is in the gut

    • Mother Mary has shown up as a reincarnation in somebody I work with. As soon as I shared this with the “other” I invited her to call Mother Mary in. She immediately received messages very personal to her and other messages for the entire Earth such as “Jesus never meant for his teachings to end up…” You know the rest of THAT sentence. Mother Mary was Jesus’ greatest advocate. According to the Gnostic Bibles, when he first “came out” in public, turning water into wine, he said “I’m not ready” His mother pushed him to do it. Behind every great man, as they say 🙂 And she is STILL advocating for him. All the great Mothers have made their presence known. Mary Magdalene has come to me, she tells me she has reincarnated into my lifetime. I have come across many Mary of Bethanys in my practice, and others. The feminine, under the last 2000 years of Piscean rule, has been beat up on, and we are ALL out of balance. It is time to bring things into balance, out of duality and into unity. And THAT is what all GREAT Mothers know, just KNOW how to do. In Honor of all the GREAT Mothers, In Divine Love, Julie


      • the mother is needed now more than ever, and many of us are heeding her call. finding a strength and wisdom we didn’t know we had, feeling her presence in a way we couldn’t before. thank you, julie. aleya


  1. I can definitely relate to this post! Beginning in August, it was like I was hurled into a tornado of transformation that shows no sign of slowing down. Just like a real tornado, there is awesome power and awesome destruction within me as the way is cleared for something so beautiful and magical , it’s beyond words. Maybe it’s the awakening of the Divine Feminine in me too, as that certainly strikes a chord.

    I relate to your feelings of almost having an exorcism and now there’s no turning back. What I realized about myself as I worked very, very hard to put together a plan to bring my horses home, is that my ambitions and my desires…I’ve always been wayyyyyy ahead of myself . I answered the powerful call to purchase the 3 horses I own about 10 years ago–horses I had very lofty goals and big dreams for, however the physical culmination of who I am (mind, body, and spirit) was so not ready for all of that and I’ve spent the last 10 years packing these horses around, as my desire to live out the dreams I had for them has continued to grow into such an inferno that there’s no stopping me from achieving these dreams now. My desire has become a freight train with no brakes and there is no longer any fear big enough to stop me from moving this direction now. I have to move through those fears , even if it’s through tornado-like destruction or emotional upheaval like the feeling of being so far outside my comfort zone that I need to go puke in the bushes…probably not all that unlike your transformation in your quest to awaken to the Divine Feminine in you. A pilot light has come on in your gut and it’s inextinguishable. You know She’s in there 🙂 and no matter what you and I are going through, we just have to get in the vortex of the storm and ride it out to the beautiful sunshine and rainbow that will follow!

    Beautiful post as always, love ya!!




    • wow your comment got me all fired up and smiling this morning. you are one powerful force (just thought of goddess brigid) and i love it. i feel like all the ‘work’ i (we) have been doing for years, all those decisions we’ve made and experiences we’ve had, is showing itself in more dramatic ways. for lack of better expression, the work is ‘paying off’. i know the growing never stops – we never get wrong and we never get it done – but there are breakthroughs happening all over the place and the sense that we can never go back. what held us back before, just won’t work now. we’ve come to a new place where we won’t allow that, so now we’re seeing and living it all from this new perspective where the old rules are gone. no rules, woo hoo!

      thank you for your always insightful and inspiring comments, i am thankful for you! 🙂


  2. what a beautiful post! I totally relate to everything you wrote….the time of ” not blogging”, the divine feminine energies penetrating….amazing.. I met Ma Gu, the Chinese goddess today…completely by surprise, had never even heard of her before…I posted about that, it really blew my mind…there are so many Divine Feminine messages coming in for us to receive….Thank you for sharing your experiences…


    • yes!- i saw your image of ma gu, it is so beautiful! thank you for sharing that. i read your posts and could very much relate! happy to share the journey. 🙂 namaste, aleya


  3. The wisdom of the Mother and all Great Mothers is deep in you. You followed your wisdom to NOT blog and when TO blog. “it is in your belly” The Mother of the Earth – the Great Mother IS pregnant with herself. We are all partnering her in her new birth. You are conscious of this. All of your words are of Truth in Highest Accuracy, according to the Akashic Records and the Archangels. Deep Wisdom lives with you and you are in the state of allowing and accepting and “let it be.” GREAT ! No thinking required. No double-guessing yourself. Fabulous ! Blessings to all concerned ! IN Divine Love, Julie


    • this is a really beautiful comment…thank you!! it feels like i’ve been reunited with something long-lost, but i know it could not have come any sooner. accepting something in myself i’ve long denied, or that’s been denied to me. it doesn’t matter anymore; all i know is she is with me now. i’m happy to have discovered your blog and connected with you. thank you for the work you do! much love, aleya


      • Isn’t it wonderful? And, yes, we are all in this together. We must all make our own unique connection with the Great Mothers, the Great Father, the Archangels, and so on. It simply unfolds at its own time and pace. naturally and uniquely. How beautiful is that? Thank YOU for finding me 🙂 the sharing of energies is SO important. The partnership of the Divine. Blessings, Julie


  4. Hi. I just read a few articles that you posted on your blog and I really love what you. It is very refreshing to hear somebody so honest about where they are at. I can resonate with a lot of what you said. I too have been experiencing a lot of changes in my life these last few months…I wish you the best of your own journey. Namaste. TW


    • thanks so much…i felt the same way when reading your blog. it’s great to share with authenticity; there are many of us on here walking similar paths. happy to connect and i look forward to reading more! namaste, aleya


  5. Hiiiii I think it’s great you took time to write this post, it came out powerful and it’s inspiring! And the images… wooow beautiful. I find that us women talk a lot about the return of the Divine Feminine yet we have been channeling some hardcore masculine energy 🙂 And I think this is necessary for some time, ensuring that women become the equal citizens of this world in every culture and in every way. But once this is achieved, we need to stop acting out of the ‘wounded’ feminine, and step into the powerful feminine. The true power is not about competition, revenge, struggle or arrogance, but about authenticity. The Divine Feminine is not, for me, about being a Goddess (of a new religion hehe) but about being authentic – in your heart, in your mind and yes in your gut. And like you said, once you are there, there’s no turning back, you can’t house any more any false ideas about who you are. And this takes some (uncomfortable) adjustment for both men and women, personally and collectively.
    Oh by the way, it’s interesting you’ve mentioned Mother Mary, I have no special connection to her either but reading your post she appeared a really good choice to ask help from.
    And thanks for putting a link to my blog, you didn’t have to do that 🙂 xox


    • oooh so well said. i’ve never really related to the ‘new age’ concepts of goddess; they often rubbed me the wrong way and i’m beginning to understand why. it didn’t feel powerful and strong (except for isis, who i’ve always felt a connection to). now i am verrrrry intrigued to discover what this divine feminine means for me, how i define it, how i feel it, in my own mind and heart and gut. thank you my dear! xo aleya


  6. Powerful post. There’s been a lot come up for me as well since the full moon. Things that need leaving. I agree completely that we’re on the brink, both men and women. You’re right, there’s a bigger conversation here. I’ve noticed recently I’ve become very aware of how I am/should be communicating with men. Something I never gave much thought. I’m even reading on how men think so I can better relate.

    I think the Divine Feminine is the portal, the bridge, to both. Yes cultivating her energy into our being allows for deeper understanding of all. Something that very necessary now. I’m feeling that push immensely you just articulated it well.
    Always appreciate your honesty, namaste, Arifah


    • the full moon was potent! so much going on right now, on levels seen and unseen. i love how our posts are intertwining in a cool way. in discovering our authentic power we can create these new relationships, create our own definitions of what it means to be divine feminine/masculine, how intimacy plays in this process. deep stuff. good stuff. necessary stuff!! it’s so great to be able to share it all this way. thank you as always!


  7. “… Because I can’t just philosophize about it; I have to be it….”
    We get a tad frustrated when we are here blogging yet we can’t articulate the words we want to convey. S


    • My phone is being stupid. Lol… I guess I’m having a difficult time conveying what I want to say…
      But I like that phrase you wrote… Sometimes we need not really have the words, but to simply be the words.

      I have missed you!!!!! xo


      • lol i have missed you too! gonna catch up on all your stuff today. you know how it is…a few days go by then a few more days, then weeks and it’s like…oh sh#t i really need to write something! LOVE xo


        • Same here… it takes a lot of time to sit here and pour ourselves reading and writing.
          But thank you for catching up with my words… I always adore having you comment my posts. xo


  8. OH my Divine Sister! I can sooooo relate to this. I have been practicing inner being awareness and I found it was difficult for me to actually feel the life energy in my gut. HEnce, my digestive problems I have been keenly aware of on my path. I literally felt this awareness the other day and found it so interesting how disconnected from my body I have always been. I have known that this is important but sometimes you don’t integrate it for a long time after the awareness becomes available. I too have not written and have been out of touch for some time now. I am happy to read your blog. You always inspire me ❤


    • isn’t that interesting, how even though we ‘know’ there is awareness and intelligence in that centre – the third chakra – we can’t force ourselves to feel it? even in KY the exercises for solar plexus always exhausted me. i have friends/family with super strong power centres and i always felt it was just something i was not born with. i still feel that kinda, but i know i can cultivate it, and the ‘feeling’ of it comes when it is ready. or in my case, where i realize that there is just no other recourse – that my head is NOT going to save me!! i always love reading your posts too, i wish there were more. lol no pressure 😉 xo aleya


  9. Beautiful x as always x I agree with you it really does feel like we’re being asked to step up and embrace our personal power or at least that’s in my mind a lot at the moment too x I’m being presented with a lot of experiences which feel like i’m regressing 15 odd years but then I realise that maybe its more about what I will and will not accept for myself and learning to say to myself and the world no, i’m beyond that now, I want better for myself now, I am worthy and deserving of what I want and then really breathing as I allow myself to believe x I’m learning to breathe into my gut when I’m feeling terrified and keep having faith and keep having faith and my genuine faith and genuine trust is definitely growing x I see the evidence that the universe has my back whatever the weather and i know the more I practice having faith and looking for it’s results the easier and more natural it is to be in faith and not in fear x thank you for sharing your journey x Sophie xx


    • thanks sophie, these last couple of weeks breathing into my gut has gotten me through situations that would’ve totally knocked me off centre before. the same situations – the same dynamics – show up over and over until we’ve finally had enough and demand better, from others and from ourselves. mostly ourselves. phew it’s so different from how things have been done in the past that sometimes i doubt if it’s even possible. but of course it is and as you say, it is looking for the results. not necessarily the big huge things but those moments of peace and relief, which may not have been there before. xo aleya


  10. Thank you for your illuminating post. while I have not been following you long, I totally realte to your process about living in the head. I started out young with an open heart, than switched to the safety of my head, I slowly shifted to open the heart back up, but have trouble with ” the gut” This is not where I get messages, not really! Yet I have had stomach/digestive issues for most of my entire life, ironic isn’t it? I pray you are correct about the return of the divine Feminine. We all need her!

    I do not know if you have read any of the Cosmic Retrograde Challenge posts, but here is a link to one of them
    Many of us are going through some major clearing!

    wishing you healing and light,


    • hi linda! thanks for you comment. i have also never gotten messages in my gut – i’ve always felt really disconnected from it and wrote it off as a ‘weak’ third chakra. but a couple of weeks ago i had a powerful experience where i really felt that i had no choice but to go there and just trust that there is something there – that i have access to it, that everyone does.

      i think women have to find their own way to their own divine feminine. that is my feeling. it will be different for all of us. some of us may not even feel it or need it and that’s ok. but for those of us who do – now is the time to find our unique connection.

      thank you for the link, i will check it out.
      much love


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