There have been countless times in the past few weeks where I have wanted to write, but wow. Just when the dust had settled on one thing, another windstorm swooped in!
It’s not that really major things have happened in my external world – though a couple of significant events have taken place. It’s more that my internal system is being shaken up in a big way – some very powerful (and uncomfortable) shifts and reboots, and I’m just trying to keep up with the pace. (What else is new!?)
Most of it has to do with personal power and the Divine Feminine.
I almost feel like I need to write this post in installments, as so much has come to the surface in my life lately; habitual patterns and beliefs making themselves known louder than ever, wanting to be released and transformed once and for all. No more excuses. No more fear.
It all seems to have started a few weeks ago when I went for a walk. I remember it well, because it was a beautiful Sunday morning, and mercury retrograde was about to start. For some reason, Mary came into my mind (or consciousness). As in, Mother Mary.
Maybe it was the influence of Italy still with me, but I thought how interesting it was that a figure so central to many people’s lives, all over the world, has held little, if any, personal significance or meaning for me. I was not brought up with any sort of Christian or Catholic teachings; therefore I have always viewed Mary as someone (something?) totally ‘out there’, unrelated to my existence.
I initiated a conversation with Mary that day. Wondering who she is, whether she does have some relevance to my life. I realized that there was almost an…irritation that I didn’t ‘know’ anything about her. How is it possible to miss a connection you’ve never even had?
I must have had something on my mind that particular day, because I asked Mary for her help. I honestly don’t remember the details of what I asked for…but I do know that later that very afternoon, some family tension surfaced quite dramatically and, in the ensuing week, things hitherto unacknowledged were actually spoken about. The details aren’t relevant here; what’s important is that the discussion made way for major clearing and, since then, an inner part of me has felt much freer.
For so long now I have been reading about the Divine Feminine’s return to earth at this time, to bring healing and restore balance to a planet that has leaned far too much in the way of greed and war, fast on its way to destruction. I’ve been aware that I, being a woman and resonating with the concept of ‘Divine Feminine’, have a role to play in this. But I’ve never really felt that role.
Since that sunny Sunday, I’ve had some profound insights about my personal power – my centre, my third chakra, my solar plexus – and how, for most of my life, I have not been operating from this place. I’ve been in the head; very attached to my fast-moving mind, my intellect, my endless analyses of situations.
But that has come with a hefty cost: an emptiness, a hole, in the place of my true power – my gut. I know I can no longer afford living in this state of imbalance.
Right now I am at a place of no turning back. I’ve previously written about speaking my truth, being my own authority, and defining my own ‘spirituality’. In fact many of my posts concern finding out who I am, what my voice is, what I need, and fully allowing that. These are recurring themes in my life, and it feels like things have now been taken to a whole new level. Because I can’t just philosophize about it; I have to be it.
And the Divine Feminine is making herself, her presence, her role in that process known.
As I was explaining to my beautiful galpal the Shamanic Tracker, it’s like I’ve gone through a mini-exorcism – wrestling with all these old notions of unworthiness and struggle and powerlessness. And my body is no longer willing or able to house all those (false) beliefs and behaviours.
I’ve missed blogging and catching up with my favourite bloggers, and articulating all that I’m experiencing is a little challenging! I can say that I have a deepening relationship with my belly, which I’ve never had before; trusting it (her), breathing into it (her), acknowledging the immense wisdom and power that resides there – that has always resided there. The head is important, as of course is the heart. But it is my gut that has been waiting patiently for me to take notice. It’s taken a while to get here, and I know it is worth the wait.
I think women and men are on the brink of something potentially beautiful and revolutionary in our evolution, and in our relationships with each other. I would love this blog to be a space where ideas are shared on how we can co-create this new way of being, and being Divine together.