not stuck, just gathering information

As some of my blogging friends know, for a while now I’ve been employed in a job that I am not, er, totally passionate about.  While I appreciate the many perks it offers, I sense there is something much greater to align with.  I know a lot of people out there can relate.

Around this time last year, I gave my notice at my current job.  I was just fed up, and prepared to take a leap into the unknown.  Instead, at somewhat the last minute, I decided to take an unpaid leave of absence, and frolic around Italy for a few weeks.

But now I find myself slipping back to where I was a year ago (albeit forever changed by my travels).  Though I am focusing on appreciating the great things about my job, there is the ever-looming desire for something more.  Something that doesn’t feel like ‘work’, something intangible, but that is just effortlessly me…someplace where I don’t have to remind myself all day, every day, why I am grateful to be there.  Something that just is.

A few weeks ago I signed up for one of those extensive Career Assessment tests, just to get some inspiration and ideas.  The results proved interesting, but not surprising.  My ideal work profile was identified as Social/Artistic, the #1 recommended occupation being Photographer.  The second suggestion was the much-less-sexy-sounding Technical Writer (which doesn’t sound too Social/Artistic, but whatever).

This hasn’t made me want to run out and quit my day job, but the results affirm that there are more creative options for me to explore.  To that end, I’ve enrolled in a couple of Writing courses, to get the juices flowing.

On the career front, I’ve been inundating myself with Abraham-Hicks videos lately, and learning to not define myself as ‘stuck’, or focus on those aspects of my job I have found draining or unpleasant.  That feeling of stagnation can become very familiar (as many office workers know), and become my dominant perception of my situation.

So I’m wanting to move away from that.  Instead, I’m going to take the advice I’ve been giving myself for years.  Just do what you love to do.  (Or even what you like to do, if you don’t know what that is.)  Do whatever you can, wherever you can, however often you can, to get yourself into that place where you’re…well, doing what you love to do.  For the sake of just doing it.

Seems easy enough, doesn’t it?  Yet somehow I’ve resisted fully going there.  I’ve called myself ‘undisciplined’. I’ve promised myself I’ll do it later (meanwhile frittering time away on Facebook).  Or I’ve associated doing what I love with immediately making it a career or source of income, and becoming discouraged/overwhelmed right off the bat.  Or – I’ve liked the idea of doing it better than actually doing it, because what if I suck at it?  (I think they call that self-sabotage.)

In the past I have felt the pressure of time, or (more often) comparison with others, influencing me to make a shift – which only backfired, especially since I had no concrete idea of what to shift to.

But I’ve ceased calling myself ‘scattered’ or ‘unfocused’.  Now I’m trusting that it’s okay to be one of those people who actually likes and loves to do a lot of different things.  And my process is going to be unique; there is no standard timeline for anything.

Abraham’s teachings help me find my own balance between appreciation – I mean, really appreciating what is – and aligning with that expanded part of me that craves movement, growth, freedom, and abundance. I’m taking all the time I need to find this balance.  Because key to this process is authenticity with where I’m truly at.

Doing those things I really love to do, but have resisted for whatever reason, will require a willingness to occasionally step out of my comfort zone.  To get my feet wet.  In my two Writing classes, I will be required not only to share my work with others, but to give and receive feedback.  This will be interesting.  Though blogging has opened me up in many ways, writing has largely been a solo activity.  To share that part of myself with relative strangers (though I’m sure they won’t be in ten weeks!) is a little daunting.

But I’m up for it.  All this is part of vulnerability and growth.  This opening will create channels for more creative streams to flow.  Maybe I’ll even start doing those tarot readings my friends have been pestering me about!

After all, 2014 is all about doing things a little different.  No more holding back.

29 thoughts on “not stuck, just gathering information

  1. Pingback: the intensity of april | alohaleya

  2. I know exactly what you mean. I struggle with that as I work on planning and building my art business…that doing what I love and creating to create…and being mindful of doing it as a business to make money. My two biggest issues are financial and time. I feel like 1) I need to be doing something to make money and have trouble releasing myself to create and let that make money, and 2) I always feel like I don’t have enough to truly release myself to create. I want time to wake up slow and move through my day at my own speed, fully free to create without being concerned about doing something separate to make money. So right now I spend almost all of my time working as a bartender and it’s mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting. PLus it’s hard to find time for the art business, let alone all the things I want to do with my horses.

    So I’m kind of in the same boat. Feeling restless, not wanting to say “stuck” and trying to figure out the perfect exit strategy from working all the time in bars to just living off of my art business.

    Blah.

    You’re taking a writing class? I want to take a wood working and welding class.

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    • i totally hear you on everything you’ve written. abe says when the time is right to take action of any sort, there will be no doubt. we’ll just know. so as long as i’m still in this space of indecision, timing is not right.

      but i have to say that things have changed since this post – in that i see change as imminent, and unavoidable. i know that i have to take a leap, even if i am unsure. i’m just getting that message strongly. so – doing what i have to do, but knowing things have to move, even if i’m not sure.

      the wood working and welding class sounds awesome. i can totally see you coming up with some amazing creations. xo.

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  3. Amazing read. I am on this path also. It’s almost like we have to let go of all expectations and just go with the flow of things. I used to get frustrated because I didn’t have one specific passion, mines a bit of alot of things lol look forward to more of your articles 🙂

    Namaste

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    • hey thank you so much! it’s always wonderful to connect with others who are on this path. there’s a lot of us creative types out there, who love to do sooo many things. your blog is great and i also look forward to reading more! 🙂 namaste, aleya

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  4. Pingback: lessons in creative writing | alohaleya

  5. Aleya hello… I love the way you write and you know what… I have an opening for one more awakening experience… how would you like to tell us about your journey in life up until now? If you agree you can post it on your blog on the 9th february… A guideline to writing is indicated in my post… http://memymagnificentself.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/challenge-2014-my-awakening-experience-and-moving-forward/

    Thanks by the way for coming to my blog…. IAM sure we are going to enjoy each others journey from here on into the unknown and co-creating our hearts desire… Barbara x

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  6. I have had a similar trajectory – recently I kind of felt like I had just gone round in a big circle and ended up in exactly the same place but…no…it’s allll motion forward (and as you say gathering information). I read Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love recently and it really soothed me as she said something about some of us are ‘gatherers’ – I can’t remember her exact words but the essence was, and she speaks of God’s plan, that some of us are here to gather maximum information, experience, growth etc and that’s all part of the master plan xxxx

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    • oh that is such a great book. it has been a while since i read it but i’m due for a re-read – i remember there was so much wisdom and comfort in it! i also just downloaded her book ‘a woman’s worth’ – that one looks amazing too. thank you sophie! 🙂 aleya

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  7. ‘Undisciplined’ sounds all too familiar 🙂
    So I learnt, if I really want to make a shift happen, I gotta work and practice hard… Intention is not enough…
    But hard doesn’t necessarily mean heavy. It just means using every occasion to practice what I feel I need to shift or practice what I’m passionate about (for example photography – hey we have even more things in common 🙂 That does mean carrying my camera around, yes it is heavy, but it helps me look at the world around me in another way and see things and people I otherwise may not have noticed. Photograhy is all about being present in ‘now’ and capturing moments that would never happen again. How cool is that 🙂
    By the way, there’s this blogging collaboration on writing about awakening experiences that you may want to join http://memymagnificentself.wordpress.com/2014/01/20/i-received-the-best-gift-for-my-birthday-my-new-home/ (bottom of the post list). You would perfect to write about this! Your writing is always very personal, honest, often fun, and always meaningful. I humbly admit I struggle with reading posts that are more than 3 paragraphs long but I always always read yours. In full! I can assure you that it us an exception to my rule 🙂
    And it would be an occasion for you to practice writing some more. You never know which door may open for you…
    Rainbow hugs and sunshine kisses from my beautiful lake xox

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    • aw, it makes me happy that you take the time to read and comment so thoughtfully on my posts. 🙂 and thank you for the blog link, i will definitely check that out. it’s funny, before i went to italy i would take my camera out with me all the time. having it on me always made me on the lookout for beauty…appreciating my surroundings much more – as you say, being in the ‘now’. (mostly stalking the ducks in my favourite park.) but when i got back, i was moving around so much that the camera kinda disappeared from my life. now that i have settled into my own sweet living space, i’m going to carry it with me everywhere.

      and yup i no longer have resistance to the word ‘discipline’ haha. i look at it now as a good challenge – one that will make my experiences fuller and deepen my enjoyment of things i only dabbled in before. but more than that – it will be good to have a different definition of myself. 😉 thank you dear sister! xo.

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  8. I wrote a poem or something about ‘being stuck’ in the ‘here-spot’. I often think I am stuck. Bu that’s thinking.
    Then you dwell into that thought further. And guilt, frustration, a combination of both begins snuffing the light out from within. Not a happy place.

    I believe in spaces. I believe we can create our own space – where we can fully expand and breathe in the process happening at the moment. Whether we meditate, practice yoga, walk, run, cycle, whatever… these are the tools for creating our spaces. Anything we enjoy doing, what feels good for both body and mind.
    Being stuck is constricting, and gets more congested with thoughts of non-growth. It’s a struggle when we continuously fight it.

    So… we stop fighting. Stop struggling. The struggling creates more pain. And let it be. In time, whether we feel the mud is so thick on our feet, or a chain is tied around our legs, a shift will take place. This is where trust comes into play. This is where the heart begins to take over such brutal thoughts we torture ourselves with. Trusting the process… perhaps being stuck is a reminder for us that we haven’t really received what we need to get from being in the ‘here-spot’. xo

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    • i like what you say about space. for me it rings especially true these days, as i am creating my own physical space – living situation – for the first time in many months. and i want to make it a sanctuary, fill it with my own things, make it something truly reflective of me. i’ve been holding my breath for a while and i am ready to relax and yes, trust.

      i’ve noticed lately that i put a lot of effort into certain things for a desired outcome, but it’s not necessary to try so hard. maybe that’s showing that i’m not fully trusting the process, or that i can yield a little more. now i am going to focus on what i enjoy doing, instead of trying to fix those things that i think are broken. i think there is magic in that simple shift! thank you as always maia. xo.

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      • You’re always welcome, sweets. I thank you for sharing because we all go through stuff we can all relate to.

        Have you watched or read The Secret? Find time to do so when you haven’t. Having a desired outcome is wonderful. But too often we get caught up in trying to know the hows. Trust the process only means we flow with what the tide brings, believing in our heart that it is the way, the path to get to the outcome. It may or may not manifest as suddenly as we want it to… but we are always where we needed to be before we can actually reach where we want to be. xo

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  9. Most of us seek meaning, purpose and passion, and we would hope to have them in the work we do to earn our living. Most of us are not that fortunate. And many don’t want to put in the extra effort and feel discomfort to seek new, to expand our horizons. My hat off to you, Aleya, for doing just that. Not staying stagnant. You may also find it’s about the spaces in-between. Finding joy and contentment in small moments, in the little things that make up life. Laughing at oneself, making a sacred ritual of your mornings with meditation, yoga, and your favorite breakfast, smiling through your eyes, seeing the beauty, connecting to nature, helping a stranger…stopping the chatter. xoxo

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    • thank you paula. i love that you and maia (above) talk about the spaces. the spaces we can fill with anything we choose. i also love that i read your comment in the morning drinking my coffee – one of my most favourite and simple rituals. it becomes habit to focus on the things we’ve always focused on so with intention and action i’m shifting the emphasis on what i do outside of work…that time that is totally up to me. i have my writing class tonight and i am looking forward to it. 🙂 xo aleya

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  10. Wonderful. You’ve explained the stage so well. I was in it heavy last year and still feel the lingering doubt that comes from things unknown. I will say this the more you trust and push through the actions, that you’ve used to keep you complacent, the power for self surges through. Trusting that instinct feeds power. I still can’t figure out why feeding our soul’s voice is one of the hardest things to do? Is it pushing against societies norms? Yet you and I both know, along with countless others, this is the only way. So why the stress around it? Hmmm……thinking on that for myself as I write it.
    Thank you as always, I gleam so much more about myself through your writings. Arifah xoxo

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    • trust is a big part of it and my friend maia mentions it in her comment as well. trust is letting go of the need to control a desired outcome (i almost wrote that as ‘income’ – how interesting). trust means doing those things that feed our soul is really all we need to do – the details, the peace, the joy, the power, will unfold from there. from entering that zone we restricted ourselves from. i think we are finding that it was once hard to feed our soul, now it’s becoming intolerable not to!
      it’s actually a wonderful feeling to be walking into this. i’m glad we are sharing the path. lots of love. aleya

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      • “…trust means doing those things that feed our soul is really all we need to do..”
        That’s good! I’m thinking on it way too hard. I agree it’s intolerable not to. I’m glad too…the support means so much! lots of love A

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        • i don’t know why this ‘trusting’ can be so difficult sometimes, i know i effort on certain things way more than necessary (or beneficial)! ah well, i do feel it gets easier the more we practice it! the support certainly helps. 🙂

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  11. enjoyed this post. this statement really hit home for me: Though I am focusing on appreciating the great things about my job, there is the ever-looming desire for something more. Something that doesn’t feel like ‘work’, something intangible, but that is just effortlessly me…someplace where I don’t have to remind myself all day, every day, why I am grateful to be there. Something that just is. ~ I have been where you are and I know that what you desire is possible.

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