the intensity of april

I’ve been reading a lot of messages lately about the intense, cosmically-charged month of April.  This is said to be a time when universal energies are massively supporting us in pursuing our deepest desires and dreams. These same energies can cause us severe discomfort if we continue to operate from fear and old patterns.

I try to be discerning when it comes to New Age (for lack of a better term) channellings and predictions…but I’m feelin’ it so far!

a new dawn

a new dawn

I had a mini meltdown at work last week.  I almost broke down in tears in front of my boss – that’s never happened – and told him I needed to take the next day off for the sake of my mental health (that’s also never happened).

I’ve written about my work situation before, so I won’t repeat myself here.  Suffice it to say, it’s getting harder and harder to engage in work I’m not connected to on a deep level.

When your body feels heavier and heavier the closer you get to work, it’s probably time to leave.  When you’re crying in your office, it’s probably time to leave. When you’re getting progressively snappy with clients you actually like, it’s probably time to leave.

When you know it’s not going to get any better…it’s time to leave.

***

On some level I’ve carried a belief that what I ‘do’ on the outside shouldn’t matter.  That is, if I am truly aligned with spirit – with joy, with my true essence – then what I do for employment is irrelevant.  To be ‘spiritual’ means you can be at peace in any situation, right? Otherwise – your happiness is contingent on some external circumstance.

There is some truth to that. But could it also be ego, in clever disguise?  If the soul wants to express, and it’s the soul’s nature to express and expand – what does it do to us, to contain and suppress that massive force?  It becomes an internal war. We constantly fight our soul’s desire, because ‘this is reality’ and ‘there are bills to pay’. We know there’s a bigger vision for us, but we tell ourselves to ‘get over it’, because ‘things could be a lot worse’.

What makes it especially challenging is that the soul’s vision is often far subtler than the ‘facts’ of our current reality.

We have in our collective consciousness the lingering belief that suffering is somehow noble and spiritual.  That struggle marks a meaningful life.  Sometimes feeling good – the idea of having our dreams come true – seems too easy.

Many of us also carry a deep sense of unworthiness.  How do we even begin creating the life of our dreams?  It’s entirely new territory, with no roadmap.  Even the baby steps seem monumental, if we have a core belief that we don’t deserve what we want most.

So what to do?

***

Mass consciousness likes having a plan. It believes it’s impractical and irrational to give up security when you don’t have something concrete to replace it with.

But a new language is developing.  What I take from these messages of April is that it’s becoming easier to access our soul’s desire, dialogue with it, and learn how it wants to create.  I’m seeing where I have hid behind fear and excuses, masked as ‘facts’, to avoid the risk and discomfort that comes with radical change.

Things are shifting as more humans awaken to their true essence and its desire to express.  Concepts of  ‘struggle’, ‘unworthiness’, and ‘karma’ are becoming very tiresome for me personally.  It’s time for something new!  I am seeing glimmers of hope and brightness for greater possibilities in my own life, and I know many others are feeling it for themselves too.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s not easy to delve deep into our dark places and transform old conditioning.  We may feel lonely and cut-off from a world that isn’t very familiar with soul, essence, intuition, and multidimensionality.  But as more of us learn to speak and trust this new language, we gather strength in numbers.  In this way we create the new reality.

Bring it on, April.

33 thoughts on “the intensity of april

  1. Ummm, all I have to say is that April absolutely kicked my ass. And I’m still reeling from it all and sorting it out. I can’t believe how much happened in April. Your words mirror my experiences and thought processes in April, extending into May. I feel like the Universe picked me up, drop-kicked me, slapped me around, dusted me off, and blessed me so much that I’m still trying to sort and process everything. My head is still spinning. And though my expansion only seems to be speeding up, it does seem like it’s beginning to level out a little bit. So. Much. Change. It’s all so much. Scary and thrilling, life is the best roller coaster there is.

    I hope you’re leveling out too this month! Amazing post and as always, I’m right with ya, my soul sista!

    Love you and wishing you a blessed day!

    -Jackie

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    • wow i can’t wait to hear/read about all the changes in your life! i’ve missed your blog! april was crazy and i thought things were levelling off in may but it actually seems busier with lots of last-minute stuff coming up. i’m just going with it and resting when i can. i’ve packed in a lot but it’s all stuff i wanna do – lol. thank you for all your thoughtful reading and comments today. love ya xo

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  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Until I found my true calling, I was unhappy at work too. I am finally at peace with my purpose in life, but it took me a very long time to get here. Love and light 🙂

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  3. April is my birth month and it is kicking my ass!! I’m so glad (sorry) that I’m not doing this alone. I love the power that’s surging up through you at the end. You’re facing it head on…and I couldn’t agree more with this “Concepts of ‘struggle’, ‘unworthiness’, and ‘karma’ are becoming very tiresome for me personally.”

    I so needed to read this. Thank you!! Love Arifah

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    • you are so welcome! a lot of us are having our asses kicked! and no worries, it does feel good to know it’s not just us – hehe. sending you lots of peace and joy…and have a WONDERFUL birthday! xo aleya

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  4. Hi Aleya,

    I can only say WOW. The universe must have sent you to me today! I needed to read this post as I am going through a deep struggle in my current career situation. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

    You have a beautiful blog! 🙂

    Peace, always,

    Allison

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  5. I feel your pain today – I am going through something similar and struggling with the same types of questions. I think the questioning is the beginning of change. Anyway, Just to let you know I’ve nominated you for a Leibster Award. Should you choose to accept it, the details are in my latest post, but if not, that’s fine 🙂

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    • questioning is a very good thing – and once we start it’s hard to stop! i think there is so much we are capable of, we haven’t even scratched the surface. the glimpses of it make it worthwhile. i love reading your daily messages…they help keep me on track lol.

      thank you so much for the leibster award nomination. i made the decision a while back to make mine an awards-free blog, but i truly appreciate every nomination, esp when they’re from blogs i enjoy (like yours). it’s such a blessing to be able to connect with others in this way, and i’m honoured you thought of me. 🙂 namaste, aleya

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      • That’s what I often wonder, what are we capable of that we aren’t aware of yet. It could be quite an adventure. Thanks for your kind words about my blog, its good to know that the messages are keeping you on track, they keep me on track too lol 🙂 The awards process is a lot of work, I think I’ll just stick to the one myself. Namaste 🙂

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  6. yes intense ive been reading that and thinking what, even more intense?! I like the comment about birth and it reminded me about another comment I’d read somewhere about all birth being traumatic – if i’m in the birthing process then I just need to hang on I’ll be born soon 🙂 what I’m confused about is what I’m being called upon to do – I have someone living in my house who is really not very nice to me and is crazyfying my darkside – am I being called to work on my darkside with him, or step up, put me first and evict him though he’s terrified of homelessness? ultimately decisions are just decisions its what we do with the fear that counts, how we support ourselves through the decisions we make. I quit my job a year ago and it’s been the rockiest road I am still regularly afraid about income but I wouldn’t go back I am only going forward and surely the more fear I face the less fear I’ll feel? xxx blessings to you amidst the intensity xxx Thank you for sharing your experience xxx

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    • lol that’s what i thought too – isn’t it intense every month!? seems to be the norm these days. but i do think there’s something extra-potent going on (if only ’cause there’s so much attention on it). linda (below) commented on the re/birth theme…she’d just done my astro chart as i had won a free reading through her blog. it was pretty cool to read her analysis and how it relates to all these intense energies.

      i don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer with your housemate. as you say, decisions are just decisions (neutral) and it’s the energy we bring to them that adds the positive/negative charge. situations like that are tough, because it could go either way – you could choose to work with it, or let it go completely (evict). what would abe say…hm….what thought gives you the most relief? i’m not in that specific situation but i think most people can relate to the essence of it. it’s the back and forth that can be so draining.

      thank you for commenting. i like that you acknowledge your fear about your income, but know that it was ultimately the right decision for you. wishing you wellness and peace throughout this month – though i have a feeling there’s more intensity beyond that! 😉 xo aleya

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  7. I really like this post, Aleya. Not that you’re going through what you are, of course, but you’re analysis of yourself through it all. That self reflection is so important — vital, really — to take the next step (whatever that next step is to be).

    I was in a toxic environment not too long ago. I had many of the reactions as you had. Without a solid plan, I just left. It was either that or the death of me. I’m happier now and I don’t look back.

    Keep looking within and the without will make itself clear. I’m sure of it.

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    • thanks michael! it’s great to have the support of someone who has been there.

      i relate to your words ‘the death of me’; it’s not really living, when we are somewhere we don’t want to be, for so much time. as challenging as this all is, i do feel relief. it’s helping me know for sure that the time is right to move on, so i eagerly await the next signs that point me the way. 🙂 aleya

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  8. Synchronicity at work- this is EXACTLY what I needed to read today! It is definitely an intense time at the moment- filled with possibility and I am so excited for the huge change I can feel is just around the corner…..but it is TOUGH-going too! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts. To feel there are others going through similar experiences and seeing the world in the same way really is such a huge support. Thank you!

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    • i’m loving the synchronicity here! it’s very cool that all over the world people are finding support from each other during this time of change. it’s not easy but it helps to know we are not alone. now is the time of going with the change that’s inevitable, but resting as much as we can, to allow for inspiration and integration (our bodies are going through a lot!). thank you for your comment! aleya

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  9. Things are shifting as more humans awaken to their true essence and its desire to express. Concepts of ‘struggle’, ‘unworthiness’, and ‘karma’ are becoming very tiresome for me personally. It’s time for something new! I am seeing glimmers of hope and brightness for greater possibilities in my own life, and I know many others are feeling it for themselves too.

    Aleya, this paragraph really spoke to me as I see this message more and more allover the place. When I left a job without a job, over 8 years ago, many people thought I was nuts, but I had support of many friends and some family. I had noticed around that time that a few of my peers were women who were also striking out on their own. I learned from them and took solace in their actions. But now it seems more and more people are feeling heavy hearted about unfulfilling work and listening closely to what their hearts want. I know that Marianne Williamson and others speak about blooming where you are planted and making your work place your ministry. I am not negating this idea, but we all have limits as human beings and some environments and situations can also teach us when we need to just let go.

    As an Aries rising this will be your month of rebirth ( like another birthday) so I hope you can celebrate in this moment and going forward towards your dreams.

    xx Linda

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    • oh that’s very cool, i love the idea of this being a month of rebirth. it certainly feels that way.

      i agree that ‘bloom where you are planted’ doesn’t always work. the body can’t be fooled, no matter what the mind tells us. i have waited to be at peace with my job for a while now – almost like it’s a test of my spiritual strength!

      it’s admirable that you had the courage to leave your job years ago. i’ve been doing the ‘worst case scenario’ exercise – what’s the worst that could happen if i leave? like you, i have the support of friends and family…and the ‘worst’ isn’t likely to happen to begin with. (it’s so interesting to do such exercises, you really see what survival issues come up…)

      there are some big changes on the horizon. how it’ll all play out, i don’t know, but things will look different. for a lot of us. thank you, linda. ❤ (the hearts don't work on my WP!)

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  10. When the point comes we seek for change, you are peeling off old layers that have no use for you anymore. Much like when a snake does so, it’s a process – long and perhaps, it is painful for the snake (I’m not really sure) – but to expose the new layers, even on sunburned skin, we feel the rawness and tenderness.

    This is how we change, when we transform. When we are willing to undergo the painful process, when we are willing to let go of the old layers. It is not easy, sweets. Even when we say, things will get better, there will still be more tears.

    There is no sugar-coating of this process. It is dark; but rest assured, it is not wicked or evil. The darkness envelops only when you allow it to… and yes, most often than not, we allow it to. Yet use this time to be still and listen to your heart. At this point, you barely hear her whispers because of the sadness and frustration and loneliness we have allowed the dark to control us. Don’t struggle. Feel the intensity of such pain. You need to feel it, sweets… because only when you feel it, only then it can be released.

    Whatever you choose, choose from your heart. There may be a lot of talk, judgements, stigma. And I can not say how long these will last. They will haunt you from time to time. But when you do follow your heart, you have in you the utmost perseverance believing in your choices. This alone they can not scald or extinguish. It is yours alone.

    In spite of whatever is happening with you, or whatever is not happening, choose how to react to it. The choices alone makes a big difference on what you want to happen. We need to become more aware and mindful of where you want to go. Only you take those baby steps on your own path. xo

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    • i love that you use ‘sugar-coating’ above…i actually had that in the post originally – something about many new-age messages glossing over how difficult this process can feel! but as you say, “when you do follow your heart, you have in you the utmost perseverance believing in your choices.” i can question the choices of my mind endlessly. but heart is the true constant, and for me it always comes back to the same things. sooo…i’m going to listen. and act on them.

      funny that you mention snakes too – they keep coming up lately. in fact i held one when i was in LA – it was wrapped around my shoulders. i loved it, felt such an affinity with it. i like being the snake shedding its skin. it’s painful but such a relief to get rid of those layers. to access something that’s been covered up a long time. excited to see it reveal itself.

      thank you my dear, for your (always) words of wisdom. i like creating reality with you – hehe. ❤ aleya

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