stoking my heart’s fire

Fire has been on my mind a lot lately. It’s partly the talk of April’s cosmic intensity, but it’s also the desire to feel my own inner fire. To have it burn so strong and steady that I don’t question myself about anything anymore.

I want my life to be fuelled by that glowing, beautiful fire within. The fire that can be trusted to stir, ignite, heat up…but never harm or burn.

My inner fire is my inner voice. My inner voice is my heart.

'harmony', by the amazing toni carmine salerno.

‘harmony’, by the amazing toni carmine salerno.

For many years, I didn’t trust my heart. Somewhere in childhood, I began to rely quite heavily on my mind, my brain. I was always the smartest in school, and this became my ‘thing’. My brain was consistent. It was my trusty friend, and it wouldn’t let me down. It delivered.

My heart, on the other hand, was not so safe and predictable. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment it shut down, but I recall many incidences where it became increasingly weighed down and stifled. I think many of us can relate to this. It’s not always just one thing that closes the heart; it’s more like it gives up after a string of defeats.

When we don’t feel our heart, how can we possibly trust it?

Throughout my teens and twenties, I saw myself as someone with a weak heart. Lots of physical ‘facts’ backed this up: a slight heart murmur, my Ayurvedic constitution, a lack of vitality, weak chi. I often felt awkward around people; I was an introvert, and small talk was painful. (That last part is still true.) I was envious of friends who could so easily connect with others.

When I was told I was ‘reserved’ or ‘angry’ and advised to ‘open my heart’, this lent to my sense of inherent wrongness, that my heart was somehow deficient. I felt transparent, like everyone could see right through me.

But – awareness is a wonderful thing, and I’m now questioning all that bullshit.

Of course I have a heart, and of course it’s strong, and of course it’s giving me guidance all the freakin’ time, and of course I can hear it. It may seem to speak softly…but it’s actually roaring.

The fire I’m feeling is my heart coming alive, my inner voice and authority becoming louder and clearer.

It’s time to let my heart take the reins. To trust that it’s been there all along. It’s the one thing that can provide true solace and guidance in these times of flux and change. My brain has been in control for so long, serving and protecting me well in many ways. But I must release some of that control, on the faith that something far more vast and powerful is available to me.

My heart was never really closed or hardened, because the heart cannot be those things. It can only be obscured – ignored, forgotten – to the point where it seems inaccessible. Its fire can become dimmer and dimmer, but that original spark, no matter how small, will never completely extinguish.

I’ve been intent on leveraging April’s potent energies to create what I really want. But it’s not just about lists and goals and external manifestations. The most meaningful creation must emanate from the heart-space. And this is about how I want to feel in life, more than anything: peaceful, steady, centered, trusting, vibrant, alive, passionate – and yes, oh-so-fiery.

24 thoughts on “stoking my heart’s fire

  1. Funny, I’ve always been obsessed with FIRE, but that was my theme in April. Everything seemed to be more on fire in me than ever. And still is! And like you I was all about being the A student, and I was socially awkward. Then after high school I got a job as a cocktail waitress in a casino and discovered that my true nature was to be more of an extrovert than an introvert. Amazing how moving to a new town and being around new people allowed me to discover who I really was for the first time.

    Time to turn that blue flame in your heart up into a bright red-orange wall of flames! Time for both of us to get cookin’ and follow the wisdom of our heart, our soul desires, our passions!

    *high kick*

    Love ya! *MWAH!*

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    • wow that is so interesting, i can’t imagine you an introvert! maybe i need to move to a new town and do something completely different! lol. (and you know that thought’s crossed my mind about a billion times…)

      may is certainly an active month and the fire is still burning. actually we literally had fire in our women’s circle this weekend. it felt really good.

      now i’m hoping it’s june where i can get some rest! we’ll see what the universe has planned. big love to you, xoxo aleya.

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  2. Beautiful piece of writing and I love one of the previous comments that your heart is in your writing – it is definitely. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live from the position of ‘because it’s what my heart desires’ on everything? No questioning or justifying just that simple statement 🙂 I’m going to try that as a new affirmation – move more clearly into knowing what my heart desires and acting from that place x thank you xx

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    • thank you, sophie. i love that – “because it’s what my heart desires”, end of story. i’m also going to use that as an affirmation. i’m going to say it within, and aloud. because that will affirm to every cell in my body that this is how we are doing things now! it is time. sending love. xo aleya

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  3. I love how in sync you and I are. This has been on my consciousness for a while now and really bringing awareness to building that strong foundation to carry the soft heart. Thank you for the reminder that it is always there burning. ahhh. How we forget. You are doing so wonderful. You writing is so beautiful and always inspiring. I am going to teach the Nabhi Kriya to build that strong core inspired by you. So much love…

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    • aaahh, love to YOU my dear. we are so cosmically connected! i can’t wait to take one of your classes, i know it’ll happen. as well as romping on the beaches of hawaii. 😉 xox aleya

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  4. Hi Aleya,

    It is the wildest thing, I’ve been studying the elements and fire keeps turning up for me too. In fact I finally added water to my meditation space to try to balance my candles.

    Beautiful post!

    Peace, always ~ Allison

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    • hi allison! i love that, and i’m not surprised because i could relate to sooo much on your blog. these synchronicities are so awesomely wild! thank you for reading and commenting! aleya ❤

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  5. This is heavenly!! I can feel the surge of power flowing through you. I’m overjoyed for you, this is sooo good that I can feel it too (happy for myself…sorry). I see it in your picture that your heart has been guiding you. When you took the trip to Italy…that was all heart. Now you’ve given yourself permission to let it ROAR! I can’t wait to see what happens next!! OMG…you’re my soap opera addiction! LOL…..kidding.

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    • LOL! nobody’s ever called me their soap opera before – i love it! thank you so much for your support, and i’m sooo glad you can feel the roar too! it’ll be very interesting to see what happens. that balance of trusting, patience, action, and listening to the fire! thank you for the re-blog too! XO aleya

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  6. Hey Alohaleya,

    A self-reflective, heart-felt and sentimental post given life through honest expression and true intent.

    You must know yourself that Fire is many things: divine energy, purification, revelation, transformation, regeneration, spiritual ardour, trial, ambition, inspiration, and sexual passion. Fire is what has always driven you. It is the fundamental principle that has led you to self-determination and the writing of this Blog site in the first place.

    Depending on one’s perspective, it might possibly be thought or the imagination that is the inventive and creative driving force behind our perception of the inner and outer worlds, and both can lead us into a convincingly deep and emotive experience. But the fire of ‘faith’ in believing all that we perceive said the great poet Kahlil Gibran, ‘is an oasis in the heart which will never be reached by the caravan of thinking’.

    And the heart can only ever be heard when the head is silent.

    Namaste

    DN – 21/04/14

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    • i love that fire is so many things, and i resonate with all of them. thank you also for the beautiful quote. there is only so much the mind/brain can do for us, if we really want to expand in divine consciousness. for those of us with so much mental activity, it’s new territory to learn the language of the heart. but i see there is no other way, and i am grateful to have come to this knowing through my life experiences. i’m ready for this expansion; to experience that oasis in my heart. 🙂 namaste, aleya

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    • the air is electric right now! i’m happy you can relate to my posts; most everyone i know is feeling the energy heighten and it’s good for us to have the support of like-minded (like-hearted!) souls. namaste, aleya

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