june blossoming

I have always loved this Anais quote. It seems to be my personal mantra these past couple years. This feeling (knowing) that it’s time to let go of stories, wounds, and fears, and walk in peace, joy, freedom, and authenticity.

But I’m also learning to be patient with the process. Much as I love teachings that focus on joy, expansion, and positivity, the darker sides of being human – those intense and painful shadow states – are all part of it, and resisting them means we’re not fully living.

I visualize it as my inner pendulum swinging, and over time it moves more towards joy.

Lately I’ve been allowing every emotional state that I experience, with no apologies. If I’m feeling judgy, angry, bitchy…I allow it. For so long – my whole life! – I’ve been hard on myself for feeling things that are ‘not spiritual’, afraid of some form of punishment or karmic retribution. But in resisting those emotions, I’ve locked them inside. And they want out!

There is something so incredibly freeing about allowing yourself to feel whatever you want to feel. And I think allowance of everything we feel comes from a place of recognizing our inherent Goodness. That is, I’m not so terrified of my negative feelings, because I’m not as identified with them. I don’t see them as really ‘me’.

Only in that process of really allowing those feelings, can they neutralize.

I’m also learning that most people have these dark feelings to some degree. And this has enabled me to experience more compassion and connection with others, rather than automatically seeing them as ‘better off/worse off’ than me.

Blossoming into our greatness is not some singular joyous event. There are lots of growing pains. For me, ‘joy’ does not mean, smiling, happy, and perky all the time. It means a gradual deepening into peace and contentment.

And peace is not boring, which I also used to fear. Peace and contentment mean tapping into the subtle awe, mystery, magic, and intrigue of life in ways we couldn’t perceive before.

Here’s to a joyful June, everyone!

48 thoughts on “june blossoming

  1. OH I love that quote. That’s where I’m at now. It’s so painful remaining coiled tightly in fear that now I feel like I MUST bloom. Bloom or die, that’s where I’m at. And only in blooming will I find peace.

    And I absolutely LOVE this:

    “And peace is not boring, which I also used to fear. Peace and contentment mean tapping into the subtle awe, mystery, magic, and intrigue of life in ways we couldn’t perceive before.”

    YES, the awe, the mystery, the magic. That’s what matters most in my creating art, connecting with THAT.

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    • yes we must bloom and blossom…and source will draw those situations to us. and we will feel very restricted in situations that don’t go in the direction of this blossoming! scary, when we don’t know what is on the other side. but as you say – bloom or die. it gets to that point. xo aleya

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  2. I love it all but I particularly love the last paragraph – ohhhhh the depth that comes with evermore peace and presence is the most delicious kind of exciting! xxx love to you x I love June it’s my favourite month – magical x and I love Anais Nin xxx

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  3. Pingback: Listen to the Hippies | beautyofmadness

  4. Thank you for your story about your experiences, I can see you are really trying to free yourself from repression and being more open to life. Also we need to share our feelings with our friends, so we can be together. If you have negative emotions, it hurts us and also our friends, so for that reason I believe it’s good to adjust those emotions by staying connected with our friends and giving them something better instead. This way you can still be free, authentic and true, and also give something good in order to have good friendships.

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    • that is a really good point – we need to reach out to our loved ones and share how we are feeling. we all need support and sometimes we don’t let those closest to us know what is going on inside us. thank you for your comment! aleya

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  5. Hey… it’s our favourite quote!! =)
    Those negative feelings… they start out as negative thoughts. Our hearts are ever expansive – only when we allow them to. They curl up and become tight because we tend to listen more to our brain cells. I often wonder why we were raised to heed our heads. Was this a thing during our parents’ generation? What happened to them then? What was so catastrophic to have them close their hearts? Why the friggin heck did they not listen to the hippies??!!

    I have a son… and geez, I literally have to be crazy around him so he’ll blossom. Often times he tells me I’m mad… and laughs silly… but hash’t once asked me to behave. 😉

    Lovely post, sweets! xo

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    • hiiii! yes you’re right, it is our favourite quote!

      i’m done with my head. lol. actually i did a kundalini class this morning and we moved a LOT and i know i need more of that. getting out of the mind and all its annoying analyzations and explanations.

      i think thoughts and habits get passed down and become hardened and unquestioned in our cells. fortunately consciousness changes that.

      i LOVE that you are crazy and silly with your son! i can just picture it! i bet you’re one of the sweetest mom/son combos around. thanks for writing, hoping to see your words again soon. (no pressure.) xo aleya

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      • No pressure, huh? Lol
        He’s 17 now, going to uni this coming fall. Got his license last Thursday, borrowed my vehicle last Saturday night… on the condition that he will be parking in my garage by midnight. He wondered since he comes home late when going out. I said rules change concerning driving… until I mellow down haha! Then when he was turning the ignition, I screamed “BooM”… ohhh, his ace was solo stricken and we laughed til we had tears, including the gf. Yes… with a gf… for four years now! Could ya believe that?! I guess he’s a crazy kid, too with a wonderful heart for being so… xo

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        • I just saw your added comment… bahaha!!!
          Thank you… I just might do that… Listen to the friggin hippies, WoRLD!

          And just try to understand the last bit in my previous comment. I removed my contacts and I’m typing like a pro! =)

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        • ohhh! you have a teenager! who’s driving and going to uni and has a longtime GF…wow, i did not know this. i love the car boom story…you are a fun momma! i want to laugh like that! actually, i did just the other day with a co-worker, when i walked into a door.

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          • Welcome to my world! Doors love surprising me – they seem to move right in front of you. And door handles… ohhh… the strap of your bag gets caught and you get yanked back. And fire extinguishers seem to expand as you walk by… they attack, sweets!!

            It’s always a joy to laugh at our silliness, our klutziness… I adore being clumsy. People at work often tell me they can simply watch me all day as I go about working and it’s like watching the three stooges rolled into one!

            And you know what?? This is good we have this time now. Have a wonderful evening, sweets! xoxo

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  6. Hey Girl, loved your passionate post 🙂 We need more passion in this world…
    For me, you nailed it when you said “I’m not so terrified of my negative feelings, because I’m not as identified with them. I don’t see them as really ‘me’.” We all go through emotions daily, and we all go through all kinds of emotions, whether we are spiritual or not. It’s part of being human… I think what distinguishes a person who practices spirituality going through emotions vs. a person who is not spiritually aware, is the ability to observe and not identify with our emotions and learn from them. Instead of repeating the same emotional patterns endlessly.
    I just wrote something on projections, which is not exactly the same as our shadow, but is certainly an expression of our shadow. Shadow work is hard! But as you said, unless you let it out, it will remain in the shadow 😉 xox

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    • i’m very intrigued to learn more about shadow work…i’m not sure if it refers to a specific practice or is a more general term. but i feel like i have been doing it for quite a while, if it means delving deep into those darker aspects of ourselves! 😉

      i feel that we come to the 3D realm to experience all that is ‘being human’, and every single emotion is part of that. it’s just a matter of not getting trapped in those that emotions that are painful – an old story, old consciousness, ancestor stuff, ego – all that is past the point of any usefulness they once served.

      thank you as always for your thoughtful comments. i am truly missing europe these days. ❤ aleya

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      • I think that shadow work is rather a journey (lifelong if I may say 🙂 than a specific practice, but it’s definitely conscious effort. You may choose certain practices or practitioners to help you with this work. Carl Jung dedicated much of his life and work to this, you can check out the work of Byron Katie, I personally love Castaneda’s later books, I’m currently reading Lujan Matus’ latest book Whisperings of the Dragon (Shamanic Techniques to Awaken Your Primal Power), you may wanna check out other authors of shamanic books. Shadow work is essential for anyone attempting to do shamanic work, and it’s something we constantly work on and never acquire.
        In my experience, we cannot learn to love, embrace or tame our shadow, for a simple reason; it is rarely if ever our own – it is intricately linked to our family shadow, our karmic relationships, our society shadow and that of humanity. There’s the world of shadows that exists independent of our will or love.
        But what we can do is work on changing our patterns and our affinity, and therefore have less of the shadow’s presence in our life.
        Sorry for this lengthy reply… xox

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        • beautiful…thank you for sharing your wisdom. it makes profound sense that our shadow is not limited to just our individual selves. i was just telling a friend last night about an event that happened last weekend involving a family member…and wow, there was some really uncomfortable stuff that came up.

          the intense reaction within me shows that i can separate from this person to some degree, but also know i must face the darkness it evoked/reflected in me. stuff i’ve resisted before, bigtime. oh there is so much going on, on so many levels. ❤ much love, aleya

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  7. Although it may not be evident just from my blog, I am totally in touch with my dark side. I do judge my arrogance, anger, bitchiness and so on but it is so a part of me….why bother? I am a work in progress. Funny I just posted a fantastic picture of Anais on my Facebook page last week.

    Enjoyed and agreed with your post. Let it all out girl, let it all out~

    Much love~
    Sindy

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  8. Love this Aleya, thank you for doing your part to own your Shadow, to embrace it, rather than stuffing it away. It is beautiful to see you feeling empowered and breaking the cycle of guilt towards your perceived “negative” emotions. I believe our culture and spirituality desperately needs an outlet for our natural feelings of anger and frustration. This post reminded me of the great work of the ancient Shamans cultures around the world, screaming and dancing and RELEASING around the fire, giving to the fire, letting out some of the inner aggression and emotions is such a raw, healthy ritual. I drum it out every week at my West African drum class and I always feel that sweet release afterwards. I firmly believe this type of Shadow excavation is in great service to the collective psyche.

    Namaste my Fierce Sister….
    Amanda

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    • totally agree with you amanda! the more i allow my shadow the less scary and ‘bad’ it becomes so the more i can access it, and name it, and work with it. the drumming sounds amazing! and i also loooove dancing, and fire (and dancing around fire). if we as a collective could me more open about our shadows, perhaps they wouldn’t manifest in such extreme ways. that is why i love the woman’s circle! thank you so much xo aleya

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  9. Oh my, how lovely and insightful…once again! I don’t know what medication you are on, but send me some of it! Seriously, I love that Anais Nin quote also; and, let me share something re this “bud” that will knock your socks off. Read Shakespeare’s 1st sonnet and this “bud” notion will burst forth with even more meaning. Thanks, my dear friend.

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    • haha lew i promise i am not on anything – except maybe coffee. and possibly red wine. thank you for sharing the sonnet!! very powerful and beautiful. i had to read it a few times but i get it (with the help of the internet) – the world needs our buds to blossom! we can’t keep our beauty to ourselves! reminds me of something wayne dyer says a lot: don’t die with your music still inside you. thank you as always, aleya

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      • Thank you for reminding me of the Wayne Dyer observation. I had forgotten it. And it touched me as I realized that I’m fumbling right now in some faint effort to “get my music out.” Or, as the Leonard Cohen song put it, “Oh God bless this continual stuttering of the Word being made flesh.” I am such a “stutterer”! Oh, red wine is so fine!

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  10. Great post. Such a good reminder that “being spiritual” doesn’t mean you have to be constantly in some state of bliss or serenity. And I’m always so glad to see someone else teaching that the road may be long. Sometimes I think the journey can involve as many steps backward as forward in spots and long plateaus when nothing seems to change.

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    • i agree. it’s so much pressure and totally unrealistic to think it’s a breezy road once you embark on this path. once we realize how ingrained the ego is in everything, it’s hard to turn that awareness off! so we are faced with it in every minute. that said, there is a deep joy in knowing this, as it brings us (well i’m speaking for myself) closer to source. and the ultimate realization that the universe is on my side. thank you, leigh. aleya

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  11. We are paralleling for sure. I was just talking about this very thing with a friend this week…how spirituality seems to have been taught through indifference. It seems that’s being enlightened. I’m now shadowing your beliefs. I see my soul walking the human voice…wanting to experience life through this lens!! That realization gave me such comfort, and eased my struggling. Love synchronicity!! Love to you! a

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  12. You are spot on! I saw on Super Soul Sunday today, that according to happiness expert Shawn Achor that , happiness is defined as “the joy we feel striving after our potential.” I like this approach as it seems more realistic. I also have judged myself harshly for being mean and bitchy and condescending, sarcastic. These moods are more natural for me than optimism, humility, surrender, patience, hope, etc.

    Yet, maybe that is the point. Be who we are and let us just shift and evolve organically in each moment.
    I feel better after reading your posts!

    Namaste,
    Linda

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    • thank you linda! i don’t think we get super soul sunday up here even though we have the oprah channel – aargh so annoying! anyway. irritability is often a more natural state than pleasantness for me, i must admit. but the more i cut myself some slack, the better i feel, and the less irritable i am. being a sensitive person in 3D takes a lot of energy, and i’m/we’re allowed to get a little crabby now and then! LOL. xo aleya

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  13. A very powerful share, Aleya. Thank you! My inner faculties stood up and cheered, pumping their fists and smacking the balistrade like the audience in the decisive scene of a courtroom drama when you mentioned that allowing our feelings was akin to accepting our innate Goodness. And the verdict is… Innocent!!

    I had an episode this week… wanting (so badly) to influence events between two groups in such a way as to bring about a greater sense of unity and camaraderie, that when my vision of cooperation didn’t materialize, I became frustrated and upset. I could see old patterns being redeployed (by others), and soon I was taking that ever so wonderful and influential tact of being openly perturbed, letting your emotions outflank you. I find that even the right reasons can turn inside out like this, when we are fixed on particular ways or outcomes. I allowed myself to show the frustration, which wasn’t so great given my role in the proceedings, but in the end I was able to channel the frustration into regrouping and orchestrating an even better approach that I think others could respect even more, having witnessed on Day One my meltdown, and on Day Two, the taking of responsibility for my own frustration and the offering of an even clearer and more positive approach. Who knows how it was perceived!? But without allowing the emotions to flow through, I don’t think we could have gone as far…

    A long way of saying I have experienced those waves up and down along the journey to the Center.

    Michael

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    • wow cool, i love the courtroom visuals! 🙂 thank you for sharing your experience too. sometimes the only way to arrive at a creative and productive solution is to shake things up so that things can move in a new, unforeseen direction. i am taking a ‘foundations of conscious leadership’ course right now and your words remind me that good leaders are self-aware and take responsibility for their actions. i think people ultimately appreciate and respect those who can share how they feel, especially if it leads to something even greater down the line. thanks! aleya

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