high school days are here again

Tonight is my high school reunion and I admit it, beneath a calm exterior I am feeling a little – ok, maybe a lot – anxious.

It’s not so much because I’ve planned the evening. I hope it goes well, but I’ve done what can be reasonably expected, and the rest is up to those attending to have a good time!

No, it’s more because it’s a high school reunion and anyone who says they’re not just a wee bit anxious about such an event is lying. High school is such a potent time, especially for those of us who weren’t ‘popular’. (Ok, for everyone.)

my friend sent this to me...credit unknown

my friend sent this to me…credit unknown

I won’t say that I was UNpopular – I generally got along with others – but I most certainly was not part of the ‘cool’ clique. And yes, I so longed to be.

It’s been interesting planning the reunion through Facebook. First of all, it’s not going to be huge surprise to see what people look like. Less awkward, but perhaps less fun. There will be minimal ‘oh I remember you!’s or trying to recall so-and-so’s unmarried name. Most of this has already happened.

Planning online has also allowed for a pre-reunion friendliness and camaraderie to emerge – a pleasant surprise for me. I’ve connected with classmates I didn’t speak two words to in high school. And there has been some softening towards those I once felt edgy around.

Most people seem genuinely excited to see each other. And I hope this translates from the digital to physical!

Of course, there have been a couple people who’ve triggered unpleasant memories and put me in touch with my teenage self, and all her uncomfortable feelings. Funny how we can instantly revert back to those states, under certain circumstances!

I remember my best friend immediately becoming popular upon entering high school, and ditching me for the cool crowd. She and I didn’t have much of a relationship after that – until we ran into each other a few years after graduating. We picked up where we left off at 13 years old, and since then, we’ve been close.

I get that those kinds of friendships and scenarios are all part of the high school deal. We were kids! However, I can’t help but wonder how I’ll feel once I’m transported back to those years, seeing all those same people. Will I have my back up, despite my best efforts not to? Will she ditch me again?

As friendly as everyone’s been, part of me is anxious that people will automatically morph into their respective teenage cliques. That I myself will go to that 16 year old place of feeling the outsider, awkward, left out of the fun…even though I’ve planned the whole frickin’ reunion! (A bizarre turn of events in itself.)

***

All this being said, I realize I am not that young woman anymore. I know that most of us have grown up and matured – and that even if people revert to their high school roles, it’s more from nervousness and autopilot than anything.

I have to remind myself that my inner teenager would not have felt comfortable putting herself out there to the extent I have in recent years. I will have compassion and understanding if she does goes ‘into herself’ tonight. If unpleasant or insecure feelings come up, I will acknowledge and accept them. I won’t make her feel wrong, as she so often did back then.

But I will also know that this is a golden chance to heal those painful feelings. To observe the triggers from a place of greater wisdom, experience, and self-love. And if we’re going to get all metaphysical and multi-dimensional about it, to literally transform the past from the present perspective.

Ultimately, this is a chance for me to choose what I want to experience above all else: FUN. To create a new ending, thereby changing the story.

How I experience (all) things is really is up to me. That’s the beauty of it! If I have the intention to be present with myself and see all of us with new eyes, I really can’t go wrong.

Not yet sure if this is to be continued… 😉

22 thoughts on “high school days are here again

  1. Pingback: high school reunion pt. 2 | alohaleya

  2. Oh my sistar~ I cannot believe someone as pretty and cool as you were not popular. Were you hiding? I hated high school but I was a troubled girl, I needed some help, lol but I had friends, we weren’t the cheerleaders, but we were the “cool”” or “naughty” kids. lol

    They would be lucky to know you. ❤

    ❀✫ ღ✿ƸӜƷ ✿ღ ✫❀
    Sindy
    . *✿ღ✿ღ.¸¸♥
    coocoocachoo

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    • i wasn’t hiding in high school…just seems like no one was interested in looking at me! lol that sounds sad, but it is true. it’s ok the story has a happy ending in that everyone had an amazing time at the reunion. a bizarre turn of events that i made it happen for them, but the universe indeed works in mysterious and brilliant ways. it was in my vortex and i didn’t even know it! 😉 ❤ aleya

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  3. So how was it, sweets?

    I find it difficult to reply to posts such as this. I was in the reverse role in most of my school days. Maybe only having off ones sporadically. It’s not that I try to get into the ‘in’ crowd; it just happens. What I try a lot then is to be unseen… but who was I kidding?

    On my last year in high school, my grandpa and I had a conversation about this. He finally asked me – Would it be possible that he doesn’t get called in the principal’s office anymore? He said, “The nuns already call me by my first name, a nickname even”! 😉
    xo

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    • oh it was really really good! high school is just like that i guess – some people are ‘in’, others not so much. it’s the law of attraction – people are magnetically drawn to each other, and that’s the way it is. but all those experiences shape us into who we have become, and there can be great power in that…so it’s all good in the end (if we want it to be!). i’m so glad i went (and planned it), it gave me such great perspective and understanding. xo aleya

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      • It does shape us. The experiences, the people… how we absorb and how we use the experiences is what matters. =)
        Law of attraction… funny how you mentioned that. Trouble seems to be attracted to me until now! haha xo

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  4. Love the last two lines: “How I experience (all) things is really is up to me. That’s the beauty of it! If I have the intention to be present with myself and see all of us with new eyes, I really can’t go wrong.”
    Yeah!! There’s such a steady power here. Love it!! xoxo

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  5. You are brave… even though we have come so far and realise it was because we were different than most other kids… going back is walking back in again and most people don’t change… So yes you are brave and I give you a gold star and a big virtual hug wishing you all the best… and enjoy not matter what… Barbara

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  6. Well, I had…and have…similar fears and anxieties about my high school reunions. BUT, I solved the problem! I have never gone to one and never will.! Oh, damn it, suddenly again I’m staring at my “avoidant personality” problem, ain’t I? Reading your thoughts resurrected my own insecurities about that part of my life. I was so vulnerable, so fragile and though I’ve now covered those feelings up with “maturity”, they still lurk beneath the surface and occasionally bite me in the butt. Thanks for sharing re this experience.

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    • you are so welcome! it turned out to be a really wonderful evening that i’ll have to write about. i kind of knew that many people feel this way in high school – but to have conversations about it so many years later, with surprising people – well, something definitely healed within. thank you as always for sharing, lew…have a wonderful day! aleya

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  7. I remember a quote from the father of one of my best friends in high school. He told her ” it does not pay to be in the popular crowd in high school. Most of those kids peak at that age. You have the rest of your life ahead of you ( paraphrasing here).”

    I think he was right 🙂

    Never been to a HS reunion. High school for me was high drama and I spent most of high so I could “hide”. I love the person you are now and the hell with anyone who disagrees!

    Please let us know how it turns out and I will be thinking of you.

    love,
    Linda

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    • thank you linda ❤ it's so strange because i 'know' how far i come and yet my body is feeling nervous! or maybe it's excitement…probably both. i think it's anticipation too – once it's all happening maybe it won't seem like such a big deal. anyhoo, whatever will be will be. 😉

      thank you and i am thinking of you too! happy solstice. xo aleya

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  8. U are funny Aleya 🙂
    U organized the whole thing and u r one cool chick. U just gotta feel cool 😉 Lol
    Relax, have fun, enjoy and flash your beautiful smile. Ah yes, and let us know how it went xox

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  9. I think we are all awkward as teenagers. I remember being shy, and skinny, and unsure of myself. As i matured my confidence grew, and I never looked back really. Let us know how you get on!
    Jane x

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    • i don’t think that’s a fun time for anyone, even those who seem to be having fun! for me personally this will be a test. i think it will be a good and fun one, but we’ll see!! i’ll keep you posted. 🙂 aleya

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