my ancestors made me quit

The last few weeks have been full of activity and last weekend’s super full moon was the pinnacle of intensity!

For starters, I had my amazing international family in town and for nearly three weeks, we ate, drank, laughed, cried, and learned family stories (and secrets!) that spanned lifetimes in India, Africa, Europe, and North America.

Bird Family of Inner Light (Mark Anthony Jacobson)

Bird Family of Inner Light (Mark Anthony Jacobson)

The amount of information I was given about my ancestors was extremely powerful and emotional…illuminating my own existence in the here and now. I can more clearly see my life as a product and continuation of those who came before me. And I have no doubt that these revelations had something to do with me quitting my job a few days ago.

Holy sh#t. I quit my job.

I’m still in a bit of a daze over that one. It’s no secret to some blogger friends that I haven’t exactly been happy in my current employment. In fact, I’d given my notice way back in 2013, but changed my mind at the last minute. I did the same thing this year! Instead of quitting outright, I asked for some tweaks to my position, hoping that would quell my dissatisfaction.

But last weekend, something happened. I knew without a doubt that it was time to leave my job for good. And the following Monday morning, I gave my notice.

I truly feel that learning so much about my ancestors somehow crystallized this decision. I felt so much of their pain, trauma, success, abundance, loss, and sacrifice in hearing their stories…and it made me realize how vital it is for me to create what I want in this lifetime. To know that ‘anything can happen’, yet not be passive and let life just happen to me. To not allow 3, 5, 15 years fly by in a job that’s been ‘comfortable’, but has dimmed my fire.

Family Reflections (Mark Anthony Jacobson)

Family Reflections (Mark Anthony Jacobson)

In the months before my family’s visit, I’d been feeling a real curiousity about my ancestors. A deeper interest to know who they actually were, and what their lives were like.

Being the first generation born in the West, my ancestry was always something to be hidden or avoided in favour of Western culture – of white people. Only now am I really starting to feel my ancestors as people with real lives and feelings and hobbies and passions. People I’m still affected by.

To be honest, I’ve wondered mostly about the women. Who were they? What did they desire? Did they even allow themselves to desire, and did they know what that desire was?

But, as is often the case, it is the men’s stories I’ve heard – and they have something to teach me too. I’ve learned that these men were powerful creators who started several successful companies and businesses, ultimately losing everything when they were expelled from their home country in the 70s. (There’s a lot more to it than that…but it would require a whole book!)

I can’t help but feel my ancestors’ presence reminding me: All this strength is in YOU. This is your lineage…and we’re looking at YOU now! Where are you going to take us…what are you going to do on Planet Earth this time around?

Inner Strength Through Perseverence (Mark Anthony Jacobson)

Inner Strength Through Perseverence (Mark Anthony Jacobson)

Well…I seemed to have quit my job.

And nope, I don’t have another one lined up. I certainly don’t have six months of savings to live off of. I do have some ideas on what I’d like to pursue, but these seedlings may take some time to grow.

A foolish decision? Or a life-affirming one? Either way, there is no turning back now.

I must trust my intuition, and the universe at large. Now more than ever. There is nothing wrong with ‘playing it safe’, especially when you have others relying on you. But right now it is just me that I am responsible for. And I don’t want to spend one more minute doing things that don’t inspire or energize me, for fear that there is nothing better out there.

What is life going to look like at the end of summer? I don’t know. But I do know I’m getting ideas and this delicious feeling of ‘what if?’. What if I did that, and that turned into that, and that turned into that? I know things will be challenging – no illusions there – but I also know that listening to my body and intuition is my priority.

I’m ready for a new direction. And now it looks like I have no choice but to create one!

35 thoughts on “my ancestors made me quit

  1. You go girl!!! I believe in you. You can do whatever you want. I am so proud of your courage, and knowingness of the Vortex. Love to hear more on the ancestral stories.

    You know, you are going to do just fine.

    Namaste
    Sindy

    Like

    • thank you my dear sindy! i haven’t listened to abe in a while, so this is a good time to start it up again! i’m in portland, oregon as i write this. what a fun place for inspiration, i love it here! xo aleya

      Like

      • Cool. I have never been to Portland but would love to. Enjoy, go write at a cafe near the water or near the trees.
        Ask the angels to show you signs via new exciting opportunities. 😉

        Come visit, we have a spare room, take a train.

        Like

        • back home now…portland is amazing. i would love to visit you by train, it’s a date. i’m wiped out now but looking forward to catching up on your beautiful words and wisdom after i get some zzzz’s ❤ ❤ ❤

          Like

  2. Hi Aleya,

    I am excited for you and can feel your passion… It is contagious… Something I loved about the way you wrote (and lived) this was how you expressed this movement in your life as the culmination of an ancestry. I think there is something really powerful in that way of seeing for all of us, in seeing our lives as less individualized than we once thought, less “our own” kingdoms in space and time, and more as the leading edge of the unfolding wave of humanity. Our passions further the entire movement, connect us to one another, stitch us together, and we can draw inspiration and power from those who have gone before. They live in us, as we in them. I think that is kind of a loss in our modern culture– that linkage to the thread that has been running through everything, for a long, long time, and now is running through us.

    Congratulations on a heartfelt accomplishment!

    Michael

    Like

    • beautifully stated michael, thank you. now that i’ve allowed myself to feel my roots, it’s kind of mind-blowing to think that for so long i haven’t had that connection. i wanted to feel more in control that that – that my life wasn’t at the mercy of people who came before me, that i didn’t have to have their ‘issues’ or flaws or problems.

      now it is becoming more of a dialogue, like a creative exchange. how can i learn from that legacy? how much of a toll did it take to reject that legacy? it’s the starting of a whole new journey and it feels like relief. if we are built for love and connection, than anything in resistance to that will not feel good. so there is lots of healing here, for all. 🙂 aleya

      Like

  3. Aleya! Why on earth did this article not appear in my WP feed?! Good heavens, I didn’t see this until just this minute! I am so, so excited for you and I have to tell you . . . I am also very inspired. I do have people depending on me at my current job but lord is it killing my flow. Your bravery in stepping into the breadth of your wings is such a gift!

    Embrace every minute and know if you need anything I am here for you soul sister 🙂

    I skimmed the (awesome) comments and one of your followers mentioned not flying too close to the sun. It reminded me of a fabulous book by Seth Godin called The Icarus Deception. He talks about how flying too low close to the waves (not reaching high enough) is also very dangerous.

    Big love for you flying higher!!!! I know you’ll soar and I feel so blessed to be here reading your bold words.

    Go girl – you have SO MUCH to offer this world.

    Allison XOXO

    Like

    • allison, i love ya! ❤ your comment is just what i needed to read this morning. in fact i was thinking of you yesterday and how inspired your writing is, and it really inspired me to do more of the things i love to do. but my job was so draining that i didn't have the energy for it! hopefully this changes as things shift. 🙂

      i love seth godin too. thanks for the reminder, and the book tip. also i've got pressfield's war of art, which i know you've written about before.

      thank you so much for your hope and encouragement, it means a lot and i will definitely be calling on you when i need to be fired up and reminded why i did this! lots of love, aleya xo

      Like

  4. Yeeessss! You took the leap! Congratulations! I can’t wait to see what unfolds for you. I love the idea that our ancestors are looking to us to see how we’ll carry the (their) work forward. I am having testing times and it’s funny how often I turn in my head to my grandparents to help me – they’re all in spirit now. I have my Gran’s belongings around me and they are so precious to me – they carry her energy. And I have the reminder from her that my Gramps (who died when I was ten) always liked ‘my spirit’ which is encouragement from a man of his generation and enough to keep me going sometimes. Good luck – my life is about to turn also – I’ll write when I have a second! Sophie xx

    Like

    • oooh big changes are happening! i’m feeling a whole bunch of things but ultimately it’s relief. and knowing that our ancestors are not looking to us in hoping we will carry on old traditions (unless we want to), but to create something new in the times we live in. your gramps seems to have seen that in you! 😉 can’t wait to read about all your changes. lots of love! aleya

      Like

  5. WOW! There’s such power emitting from you. I’m inspired by your bravery. I’ve been through a similar shift and having two boys to take care of the fear is immense. I’ll say “go do it”, there’s just you is right!

    Such admiration for you right now. You have my love and support. xxxx

    Like

    • thank you, arifah. your encouragement and support means a lot. more and more of my friends are feeling this strong desire to be more engaged in life at all levels. your boys are blessed to have such a strong and powerful mama! ❤ aleya

      Like

  6. Gorgeous woman creator, I hear her roar 🙂 Go for your dreams, and trust in your heart. Never doubt your bravery and capacity. You seemed to have really, really thought this one out Aleya – from what I read that you’ve written before. Even though the decision felt quick – you weighed a lot of thoughts, possibilities, etc. I really feel like decision has been a labor of love for you. Be honored that you are doing your best with what has been given to you, and you will continue to do that no matter what shows up along the way. Love, Ka

    Like

  7. Oh I wish I could have been there at that family reunion! I would have loved it. You you schedule this yearly and fans of yours like me would pay big bucks to be there!!!! (Well, on second thought…you would pay my air fare, wouldn’t you? wink, wink)

    Seriously, this touched me deeply as does everything you write. It would have been such a pleasure to be there and cavort about in the “rootedness” that your family appears to have offered you.

    Congrats on our courage to quit your job. You are gonna soar! But be careful and don’t fly too close to the sun!!!

    Keep us posted. All of us love hearing from you.

    Namaste

    Like

    • i think the next family gathering is christmas in new york, so you’re welcome to come to that!! haha. 🙂 it was so cool to delve deeper into the info i already had about my family. it reaffirmed that it’s really ok how different i am – and that it’s a great thing to take our legacies in a new direction. because on some level i’d always felt i had to roles and traditions of the past. but now i’m seeing that’s not the point at all – growth and expansion is! thank you lew! aleya

      Like

  8. wow! Congratulations on your new job! Why do I say that? Because your new job is discovering your calling 🙂

    very cool post about your family heritage and ancestry. My elders rarely said anything about the past as they were raised to not ” go there.” And you usually hear more about the men. A few of them in my family were self made and successful. Others not so much. Most came to the US to escape persecution or worse. And many faced adversity and poverty here due to discrimination and the US economy at that time ( the Depression) Both my grandmothers were strong women who survived and raised families with either no male or a weak male presence in the home.

    I am sooo excited for you. I once quit my job without a new one or a plan and despite my anxiety I eventually found something new.

    Keep us posted Aleya and blessings on your quest.

    love,
    Linda

    Like

    • thank you linda, it’s been quite a whirlwind an i’m catching my breath. they’ve already posted my position at work, so reality has sunk in! omg. it was enlightening to learn more about my family history as it showed what my assumptions were, and where i had holes in my knowledge. and how it’s now time to expand, accepting both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ from the past and taking it all somewhere new.

      i remember you telling me you have experienced the same thing re: your job, and things worked out. i guess there comes a point where the heart/body is speaking as loudly as it can, and we have to act on that, before the decision is made for us – perhaps in a not-so-pretty way. we shall see how things play out. ultimately i feel relieved to have taken this step. much love ❤ and thank you for your support! aleya

      Like

      • After I commented here, I thought about your chart. So I just looked it up and oh boy!, Pluto is now sitting on your MH ( point of destiny and life’s calling, reputation). If you stayed, there may have been efforts to oust you or overthrow you or tarnish your public standing. I will not say what happened when Pluto visited that point for me in the 1990s.

        You are being transformed and your timing to leave is divine timing ❤

        Like

        • woooow that is so cool. i was wondering about my chart! i’m going to review your reading from a few months ago as i remember that was very inspiring for me.
          it is interesting what you say about pluto – i won a couple of awards (for work) in april/may, and i strongly felt it would be best to leave on that high note. so your info just confirms that. sounds like your pluto was a very intense time for you. ❤

          Like

      • Hi, Aleya… A new fan here. One who is deeply appreciative of your wonderfully refreshing candid writing…and full of deep heart-regard for your spirit and your most amazing, truly, “just-for-you” sacred journey! I can SO relate to “where you’re at” in letting go of the safety of the “cage” that has confined you, and floating free of that, and trusting your heart, your deepest soul awareness, the deepest knowing of your spirit to lead you from here. Being one who “quit my day job” a few years ago in order to respond to my deepest compelling to follow my path, I can so appreciate where you’re at. As for me, I do feel I could “write books” about all the adventures, odysseys, “vision quests”, and “soul pilgrimages” that have come from that decision, along with the self-doubts, frustrations, and distractions that come with any purposeful path. I know looking back I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’ve often said the “me” I used to be stands in awe of the “me” I’m becoming…as I’ve followed more and more boldly the insistent whispers of my heart.
        *
        My deepest wish for you is whole new worlds of freedom to truly be “you”…in whatever way is the truest expression of your spirit expressed in your “path”…where ever it goes…however you walk it! Richest heart-and-soul blessings to you, Aleya… as you step out…and find your heart-wings to be
        even more than you had dreamed! May your flights of increasing freedom
        and purpose be breath-taking…and immensely satisfying…the further you
        go on this most amazing journey yo make “come true” the living dream of
        your heart and soul that you are!
        *
        (Thank you for your kind attention to my many words. Didn’t mean to share this much, but it felt “right”, and I went with it! I’m new on this blogging scene, and just discovering the “ropes”. But I was really drawn to your most heartfelt and deeply honest words, and felt compelled to respond. I do hope you feel blessed and uplifted by these words. Even coming from a virtual stranger, nevertheless, I’m pretty sure you can sense, they come very much from the heart!)

        Like

        • i can definitely sense your words come from the heart, and i am very appreciative that you took the time to write such a lovely comment. thank you! and welcome to the blogging world! 🙂 it is wonderful to discover the support of so many others out there on a similar path. and it is so encouraging when others share their experiences of stepping out of their comfort zone, into a new world where so many adventures await. that is the unknown, and it can be scary. but for me, stagnation is much scarier – and i don’t want my body to speak any louder than it already has!

          i love these words: “the ‘me’ I used to be stands in awe of the ‘me’ I’m becoming”. that says it right there! when we’re in the midst of things it’s hard to have perspective of what could be beyond, or how differently we could feel about ourselves. i was getting very locked in to the ‘comfort’ of where i was, even though it was intensely uncomfortable!

          i look forward to the day where i too can write books about adventures, odysseys, vision quests, and soul pilgrimages. 😉 thank you again for your heart-full comment. have a beautiful day! aleya

          Like

          • Thank you so much, Aleya, for your most thoughtful and gracious reply! Your candor
            and self-awareness is so refreshing! (I was
            so delighted to receive your heart-full reply
            and responded accordingly at that time, only
            to find it got “zapped” somehow… but I so
            wanted to express my delight, so thought I’d
            try again! getting used to many “ropes” here,
            some of which can be a bit tricky at times!
            =grin= ) SO glad that some of my words lifted
            you, Aleya. Nothing encourages us as writers
            like knowing that some of our words truly “spoke” to someone, yes?

            All the more reason to let you know…that even your comments in reply spoke to me as well, were “icing on the cake” to your other writing, and certainly “made my day”! I know how “edgy” it can be to be to be where you are, and so wanted to encourage you. I know the journey is all our own, and no two are the same, but all the more “reason” to walk our sacred path beyond the “reasonings” of our more cautious, rational minds and truly go with what leads us into the fullness of our Joy…and deepest peace…of our love-wired hearts–always! I wish you such an amazing,
            “fully alive” journey!
            =grateful-est, the very
            blessed-wishes-for-you smile=
            S t e V e n

            Like

please share your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s