september: it’s showtime!

Thank you to my blogger friends Rob and Sindy for their tweets inquiring as to my whereabouts, and to Linda for her recent award nomination of my blog!

It’s true; I have been very quiet lately. After my last post, the urge to blog had disappeared completely. It was strange – I felt I had no words in me. In addition to that, for the last couple of weeks things have been changing at such warp speed. I’ve been so busy preparing for what’s coming next that I haven’t had the time or focus for blogging.

expansionnowopen

Probably the most monumental thing that happened for me in August was participating in the Landmark Forum. This is not your ordinary personal growth workshop. Over three intensive days, my beliefs about my life and the world were brought to my consciousness in a very powerful way. It’s difficult to articulate just how profound this experience was. Suffice it to say that I was able to express myself on a level I never could before. And this has transformed everything.

During that weekend, I had heartfelt and genuine conversations with my mom, dad, and sister. Conversations that once seemed impossible (or, more accurately, conversations I didn’t even know I wanted to have.) Conversations in which I let them see who I really am and how I really feel, which on some level I’d always hid from them. Conversations where I could barely speak through my tears, apologizing for the toxic blame and resentment I’ve carried within, and the unrealistic expectations I have held of them.

This has been incredibly freeing for me, and the timing of it all was so synchronistic, given that my job is finishing in two weeks and I am making some big plans for the future. I’m seeing how everything in my life is so interconnected. Suppressing who I am in one area affects all areas. If I can’t express my true self to my family and friends, how can I express it to the world? To step onto that larger stage, take risks, and feel safe and confident?

***

So what is on the horizon for me? My plans include studying digital communications for a couple of months at a local university (maybe I’ll finally understand twitter!), and starting my own business with a friend and former co-worker. She and I have been discussing this venture for months, and had spent many an hour at the office sharing our vision for what we want to create. (She quit a few weeks ago.) We are ready to go for it!

This summer has been full of activity – planning, connecting, preparing – and now is the time to ACT. Landmark powerfully cleared away so many stories, interpretations, and meanings I’d concocted about my life, other people, and what I am capable of. It gave me the deep understanding that those stories were never ‘real’ to begin with. It took away my sense that life is a series of problems to be fixed, and delivered the epiphany that there is nothing fundamentally ‘wrong’ with me or my life.

I am seeing everything with new eyes, and this is invaluable as I take my next steps. Yes, it does feel stressful and it does feel challenging. But it also feels electric, intriguing, and alive. I have been craving these feelings for a long time.

34 thoughts on “september: it’s showtime!

  1. Pingback: the surprise return of the ex | alohaleya

    • thank you for stopping by and commenting! i am enjoying twitter but it’s taking some time haha. the tweets all come in so fast! it can be a little overwhelming to keep up! have a wonderful day! aleya

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  2. The conversation I had with my Mum during the Landmark Forum is one of the highlights of my life, and always will be. Profound, and it all happened inside five minutes. I discovered what forgiveness is. I’m happy you got to experience your own profound conversations, Aleya. Yours in possibility, Narelle xx

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    • amazing how it happens so quickly, isn’t it!? i was in the forum and just knew it was time to make those calls. couldn’t wait for the break lol.

      and since then, i haven’t felt the same as i did before. it’s like – if i can have THAT conversation, i can have any conversation!! thank you so much narelle ❤

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  3. Wow. I think that’s the beginning and end of my brain’s dictionary these days: W.O.W. Seriously, I’m about to get a permanent drool going over this incredible fearlessness. Not just your blog and expansion, but others, and my own journey at school, and just everything life is providing! Aleya, I’m enjoying getting to know you. Clearly we are looking at the same moon! 😉 Best wishes on your business plans, partnership, school, and everything! I used to work in a technical field long long ago, built a computer… now I drool, and don’t know a thing, especially about twitter, and spending the time to update my own stuff (or my messy Apple computer). it frightens me. Rock on, sis – happy for you.

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    • haha i totally agree ka, there is WOW everywhere! it’s so inspiring to see what others are doing and the steps we’re all taking, a lot of them into the GREAT unknown! i too am enjoying getting to know you, it’s so fun to see how our individual and collective journeys are unfolding. lots of love and moon magic to you my dear! ❤ aleya

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  4. Hi there! I wanted to let you know i nominated you for the Liebster Award (details on my page)…also, best of luck with everything! It sounds like some exciting new changes on the horizon 🙂

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    • thank you so much for the award nomination. but i made the decision a while back not to accept awards on my blog. know it is truly appreciated…and that i’m excited for your new adventures too! living vicariously through you, europe is so wonderful. ❤ aleya

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  5. I have been thinking about “stress” and how it is born from emotions we choose and fostered by thoughts we allow ourselves to think. I was going to post on it, but when? lol Thanks to Abraham I know I have the power to choose those thoughts, so “stress” is preventable but I am not there yet. I have heard of Landmark for years and know a bit about it. Perhaps you can blog and tell us more?

    Love sister~ Thanks for the shout out. I got tweets from my favorite Star Trek actress yesterday and then another from another Star Trek actor. Made my day! lol I still don’t understand Twitter but…………………lol

    Namaste
    Sindy
    Off to Algebra class.

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    • AWESOME about star trek tweets! i haven’t been listening to abe for a while but when i take breaks i always hear it differently when i am back. yeah i’ve known about landmark for years – and heard all sorts of things about it – but it’s taking things to a new level. i will write about it if i can find my words! hope you had fun in algebra, sister tweet. aleya

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  6. I find your post very inspiration! I agree with you that life can have an abundance of problems one after another, but it takes determination, patience, and hard work to overcome them. I wrote about this in my post (http://felinecreatures.com/2014/09/02/plant-grow-prosper/) that sometimes we have to plant that seed of passion and pursue after what we want to achieve in life (much like the business you started with you friend). And the taste of victory once that’s achieved is amazing! Thanks for sharing an insightful post 🙂 – Lena

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    • hi lena! thank you so much for reading, and taking the time to comment! i’m glad my seed of passion is growing :), it’s got its rough moments but mostly it feels really good – and a huge relief. i look forward to checking out your blog! thanks again, aleya

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  7. Wow, Aleya. One can really feel the huge transitions you are experiencing. I’ve missed the updates from you but have been content in knowing big things were afoot! The familial conversations you are having probably took great courage, and I think it’s so awesome you are really living your truth!! You go chickpea!! ❤ Amanda

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    • oh i just LOVE that! i was walking across a bridge the other day, and that was part of a sign/advert for our city’s expanded aquarium!

      actually, right in front of it was a traffic sign that read ‘limited vision’. i loved the juxtaposition of words, so had to take a pic. but i cropped it for this post!

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  8. It gave me the deep understanding that those stories were never ‘real’ to begin with. It took away my sense that life is a series of problems to be fixed, and delivered the epiphany that there is nothing fundamentally ‘wrong’ with me or my life.

    A big AMEN! You are perfectly whole just as you are 🙂

    Welcome back dear! I am very excited for you. Seems like you are drinking in insights readily like a thirsty sponge. I admire your courage and resolve and wish you unlimited success at school and with your business.

    Love,
    Linda

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    • thanks linda. ❤ there is so much change happening at once, i'm trying to keep up as best i can! my school starts immediately after i'm done work and soon everything will look so completely different! omg! your support means so much to me. xo aleya

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  9. Welcome back, Aleya…..

    You are absolutely correct…..there is nothing wrong with you or your life. Feeling “wrong” is sometimes what others would have us feel about ourselves. Any present condition is only a prelude to the next condition. Nothing more….eventually we learn how to influence those conditions 😉

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  10. I’m SO cheering for you, Aleya! Thank you for inviting us in on your exciting journey. Keep up the AMAZING and soulful work! Looking forward to hearing more as you make your way into a new way of being in the world.

    I love that you say ” If I can’t express my true self to my family and friends, how can I express it to the world?” What a profound thing to realize. With that one line you have helped me immensely to see things more clearly in my own life.

    Blessings, peace, light, and big love ~

    Allison XO

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