the surprise return of the ex

Something totally unexpected happened last week. My ex-boyfriend contacted me after seven years of silence. I hadn’t heard from him since we broke up.

Our relationship was unhealthy (to say the least) and shortly after we parted, I did something stupid which completely distanced him from me. We were very much in love at one point, but our inability to deal with our demons quickly poisoned what we had.

It took years for me to accept my role in our destruction. I had played the victim with him, but I was anything but that. I was cruel and said hurtful things. I was jealous and mistrustful. I wanted to be the centre of his world, and whatever attention he gave me was never enough. I was angry.

It stung like hell when he told me he didn’t love me anymore. But eventually I realized that I didn’t blame him.  He had his own part to play in our breakdown, and he has to deal with that. But I can only be responsible for myself. And I see now that I had no self-love when I was with him. Whatever he did (or didn’t do) could only reflect that. We were doomed from the start.

A couple of weeks ago, I knew it was time to contact him. To take full responsibility for my own actions, and let him off the hook. The last I’d heard, he’d moved across the country, so I made a coffee date with our mutual friend, and planned to ask her for his number.

He beat me to it.

I was stunned when I saw his name in my email inbox. It was surreal and wonderful to hear his voice when we spoke on the phone a few days later. I was able to say all those things I needed to say, and release the blame, sadness, and guilt I’d carried for years.

I no longer feel incomplete with him, and I am beyond grateful for the possibility of a new relationship. He is someone I truly care about and want to stand by in this world. I have compassion for him now, and want to be a great friend where I couldn’t be a great girlfriend. It feels like a miracle.

I’m convinced that human beings are deeply connected on a level far beyond the physical. We pick up each other’s signals and communicate in ways we’re not consciously aware of.

I’ve been contacting many friends and family members these last couple months, acknowledging messes I’ve made and cleaning them up. The universe is magic; it senses our actions of love and responds in kind, sending us even more opportunities to restore and create love. Sometimes when we least expect it.

45 thoughts on “the surprise return of the ex

  1. Pingback: reflections on a cringeworthy post | alohaleya

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    • thank you purnima! we followed each other soon after i started blogging, and it’s been wonderful to connect with you.:) i made the decision a while back not to accept awards for this blog (i need to update that on my site), simply because i’m not able to devote the time to most award rules. but please know that i appreciate your nomination very much. namaste, aleya


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    • thank you ❤ it was a reminder, one that i really needed! now i know to just trust that things are always being taken care of, even if we don't feel it. lots of love – i miss you! aleya


    • it’s wonderful that and your ex are still in each other’s lives. it’s painful to realize that a romance will never work despite the deep love shared, but to have him in your life as a soul friend is such a blessing. ❤ thank you for commenting, aleya


  5. How wonderful is this!! I love synchronicities more than anything ever x it just makes me feel so supported by the universe x and yes, energetic bonds are so strong (esp amongst some) xxx


    • it’s funny, around that time i’d been feeling that there wasn’t much magic or synchronicity in my life…so i guess the universe decided to deliver in a big way! my faith is definitely restored hehe. ❤


  6. Getting chills, Aleya. You are amazing. As you alluded to, it wasn’t just you that made for the hot mess of a relationship with him. He was playing out his own dysfunctions and spinning fears out of his own history. Your radiance as of late is hurting my eyes lol. Gotta get me my shades.



    • oh diana, i just love you! ❤ thank you. you're right, this was an interplay of two beings mirroring their own stuff. i can take responsibility for my part and, from that place, allow him to see his own role in the mess. whether he chooses to or not is out of my control…and that is ok because i am at peace. xo aleya


    • thank you so much brooke, for commenting here and for sharing your own journey so openly on your WP blog. i know you’ve inspired and encouraged many others on their healing paths. ❤ much love, aleya


  7. What an inspiring story Aleya! I particularly like the synchronicity in your contacting each other. Looove that when that happens! 🙂 I’m a firm believer that when it is time, and when necessary, people will find each other — be it to connect, re-connect, reconcile, for closure or completion (which I realized only recently are different). Your story — a powerful one — reiterates such a belief, thank you! ❤ Blessed be……….<3 ❤ ❤ NadineMarie ❤ ❤ ❤


    • ah nadine, thank you as always for your beautiful comment! 🙂 i totally agree that there is a divine timing at play and when it’s truly time to reconnect, it just happens. and there is often no huge drama around it too…it just feels right. to be honest i had lost the feeling of synchronicity and magic in my life lately, so this was a wonderful affirmation from the universe that things indeed are working behind the scenes and we just have to trust that. ❤ much love to you! aleya

      Liked by 1 person

      • 🙂 The human side of us forgets our deepest and most sacred Truths every so often, so, I think we all need reminders and validations along the way. And I’m appreciative and grateful that the Internet is providing the venue through which we can remind each other.

        Much, much L ❤ ve to you! Blessed be. ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  8. In doing the right thing by your ex you have freed yourself of all negativity around the relationship. You inspire us all to free ourselves by taking responsibility for our past actions and making amends. I hope I have the courage to do this too. Love Jenna


    • thank you, jenna. i’m blessed to be surrounded by a lot of courageous people right now, people who are taking ownership of their lives and taking the steps to create loving relationships, and anything else they desire. that helps me do the same. you have the courage and i support you. much love, aleya


  9. I love those incidents of psychic email and connection that bring people together. It’s amazing to me how sometimes the clearing and healing of relationships occurs in layers and can’t be unravelled all at once. Sounds like you two were able to resolve your connection on a beautiful note.


    • i’m seeing now that there was no way i could control the timing of it all. when we parted ways i wanted answers and closure immediately…and if you’d told me i had to wait seven years for that – omg, i don’t know what i’d do! but as you so beautifully state, “the clearing and healing of relationships occurs in layers and can’t be unravelled all at once.” now it just feels normal to have him back in my life. thank you for commenting. ❤ aleya


  10. I am glad for you. Some people do not recognize or take responsibility of there actions, I too am looking for those I have wronged in the past and present. I hope you and your ex are happy.


    • thank you…i wish you all the best as you have those important conversations with your loved ones, past and present. it really does free up so much energy that we have been holding inside. i feel much more at peace now that i’ve had a chance to take that responsibility and i wish that for everyone. namaste, aleya


  11. Oh Aleya,

    WOW. Huge, huge, major. I love this story so much! The idea that we are all connected and ebb and flow at just the right time – angelic timing. I wish you every bit of peace and beauty in this newly budding relationship!

    Blessings and light and so, so much love,

    Allison xx

    PS – Marianne is the greatest, right 🙂


    • thank you eric. having the chance to acknowledge my responsibility has been a huge blessing. it’s very cool to be able to look back and see how that relationship sparked my healing journey. a big smile right back to you! 🙂 aleya


  12. Would saying ” You go girl!” be too simplistic?? I am in awe of you, such a beacon of light!!!
    It is huge to take responsibility for your role in the mess and express it out loud. I do agree that when you people love one another, the love never dies, it just is expressed differently. Marianne rocks BTW. Saw her yesterday on Oprah and she was discussing the love is the only answer for the planet. She cited MLK and Gandhi as examples, very smart lady! Just like you ❤


    • aw linda, you are the best. ❤ always giving such lovely words. you are a beacon of light! and you are a pinball champ to boot hehe! i love marianne too and must find that oprah vid. i feel much lighter after that conversation but at the same time, it feels very normal. which tells me that the timing was indeed right for it to transpire. sending you lots of love right now. xo aleya

      Liked by 1 person

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