Something totally unexpected happened last week. My ex-boyfriend contacted me after seven years of silence. I hadn’t heard from him since we broke up.
Our relationship was unhealthy (to say the least) and shortly after we parted, I did something stupid which completely distanced him from me. We were very much in love at one point, but our inability to deal with our demons quickly poisoned what we had.
It took years for me to accept my role in our destruction. I had played the victim with him, but I was anything but that. I was cruel and said hurtful things. I was jealous and mistrustful. I wanted to be the centre of his world, and whatever attention he gave me was never enough. I was angry.
It stung like hell when he told me he didn’t love me anymore. But eventually I realized that I didn’t blame him. He had his own part to play in our breakdown, and he has to deal with that. But I can only be responsible for myself. And I see now that I had no self-love when I was with him. Whatever he did (or didn’t do) could only reflect that. We were doomed from the start.
A couple of weeks ago, I knew it was time to contact him. To take full responsibility for my own actions, and let him off the hook. The last I’d heard, he’d moved across the country, so I made a coffee date with our mutual friend, and planned to ask her for his number.
He beat me to it.
I was stunned when I saw his name in my email inbox. It was surreal and wonderful to hear his voice when we spoke on the phone a few days later. I was able to say all those things I needed to say, and release the blame, sadness, and guilt I’d carried for years.
I no longer feel incomplete with him, and I am beyond grateful for the possibility of a new relationship. He is someone I truly care about and want to stand by in this world. I have compassion for him now, and want to be a great friend where I couldn’t be a great girlfriend. It feels like a miracle.
I’m convinced that human beings are deeply connected on a level far beyond the physical. We pick up each other’s signals and communicate in ways we’re not consciously aware of.
I’ve been contacting many friends and family members these last couple months, acknowledging messes I’ve made and cleaning them up. The universe is magic; it senses our actions of love and responds in kind, sending us even more opportunities to restore and create love. Sometimes when we least expect it.