Bali has been on my mind for months. I find myself fantasizing about lush green landscapes, tropical flowers and fruits, Hindu deities everywhere, yoga classes galore. Sitting lotus-style in rice paddy fields, communing with the divine, a calm, serene expression on my face…
My reverie was somewhat disrupted a few days ago when my dear friend Alexandra, a gifted empath and psychic, randomly asked me: “Aleya, why do you hate meditation?” This question had come to her from my spirit guides, during one of our many powerful conversations on life, consciousness, and the Divine Feminine. Alexandra is tuned in like no other, and I laughed and laughed at my guides’ bluntness. Busted!
Do I hate meditation? I know it’s something I generally avoid doing. My monkey mind seems completely untameable and, living right in the city, I feel constantly on edge. Neighbour noise, sirens wailing, cars honking…I’m always waiting for the next sound. Tension feels normal to me.
All the more reason to meditate. I get that. It’s not about waiting for external conditions to be perfect, but finding the inner quiet in any situation.
Isn’t it funny how we shun what we most need? The thing that’s right in front of us, so simple and obvious? The thing that would change our life?
Bali represents peace, quiet, tranquility…a state I’m longing for within. I know I don’t need to travel across the globe to discover that state; I could catch a glimpse of it right where I am, spending even just five minutes a day in stillness. And, as I often remind myself, wherever you go, there you are. Bali may soothe my churning mind for a while, but it’s not a panacea.
That said…what’s stopping me from taking a month away and recharging my batteries in a completely different environment? I don’t have a family or 9-5 job depending on me. Okay, I don’t have any money either, but I could probably figure something out. Sublet my apartment. Get a couple more contract gigs so I can work remotely if needed. Sell a bunch of stuff I’m ready to get rid of.
How do we distinguish running away from running towards? When are we escaping, and when are we being called to a new experience? Alexandra says it’s a both/and. We can be fully aware that we’re resisting our current circumstances (our experience of which is determined by our inner state), and create something new at the same time. The two are not mutually exclusive. Wherever we are, self-awareness is key. Creating consciously, not through default programming and expired beliefs.
Bali also represents healing for me. I want to lay upon her earth and absorb her Divine Mother energy into every one of my cells. Recent health issues have served as a wakeup call for me, compelling me to examine how some of my darker beliefs may be playing out in my physical body. None of it is wrong. I’ve done this work before, but it’s being taken to a deeper level. The answers, I know, cannot be found solely on the material plane.
Which circles me back to meditation. Running towards myself. Whether or not I will be on Bali anytime soon remains to be seen. But I am feeling her. I am breathing her in.