full moon eclipse: lightening the load

A couple of weeks ago I received the results of an Ancestry DNA test I purchased earlier this summer. I was pretty sure the test would confirm I’m all Indian, but I was intrigued nonetheless. My family hasn’t actually lived in India for the past four generations, so it seemed possible that there could be a surprise or two!

The results estimated 95% South Asian DNA, the remaining 5% being a mix of Central Asian (2%), European (2%) and Native American (<1%). That last one is quite implausible, given that my family didn’t come to North America till the ’70s, but the test analysis does acknowledge that such trace percentages are likely due to chance.

Me, first day in India, 2010

Me, first day in India, 2010

Whatever the results or their accuracy, taking the test was yet another step in embracing my roots. As I wrote in my last post, this summer has been all about my ancestors. As I continue to read about the lives of Indian women, I see with more clarity and self-compassion why I’ve struggled with the things I have. It just makes sense. This has mostly to do with the denigration of the sacred feminine. Deep pain and trauma has been locked inside for generations…and no one’s had the key.

All this is somewhat hard to put into words; it’s largely an intuitive process. From the outside, my ancestors’ lives could not be more different from my own. It would appear that I have choice, freedom, and control that they could not imagine. But the internal programming does not change overnight. And clearing the ancient patterns held within my psyche has been my life’s work.

Having said that, there must be space for celebration. Life has always been so serious and I’m wanting to shift that. I think many of us on a spiritual path become so used to ‘the work’ that fun seems indulgent and frivolous – and unfamiliar.

Sensitive people especially can feel so responsible for clearing, healing, being accountable and in integrity. And while those are all good things, we also need to relax and acknowledge ourselves. (And let go of the gripping fear that as soon as we let down our guard, something horrible will happen.) The point of this heavy work is to lighten the load.

If my ancestors are watching me now…do they want me endlessly re-living their fears and traumas, their guilt and shame? I doubt it. I can feel them lovingly drumming their fingers. Okay…you’ve worked really hard. And we so appreciate it. You’ve done more than you know. Now please start having some fun. For all of us!

They want a new story: one of self-worth. They want me to take our rich history and do something even more beautiful with it. They want me to put my own creative twist on life, without approval-seeking or apology. They want me to stop seeing muck where it’s already been cleared. They’re prodding me to step out of my comfort zone of familiar old feelings, and stand on new ground. It’s safe here. You will not be abandoned. Trust us.

I am the living manifestation of my ancestors dreams and wishes. My life is not random; I am seen. The highest service to my ancestors (and to myself) is to continue to forgive and love, and enjoy life with gratitude. There is no greater gift to, and from, my lineage.

16 thoughts on “full moon eclipse: lightening the load

  1. to echo an earlier comment, such a beautiful post. Having met Anita Moorjani today who wrote the phenomenal book Dying to Be Me, it is a synchronicity to read your story. She spoke at length at the I Can Do It conference about how her traditional Hindu upbringing clashed with her own spirit and how running away from her arranged wedding created positive ripple effects for her contemporary Indian sisters and so on…
    I am aching to take that test and now got another nudge to get on with it. BTW, while the 1% Native American might be inaccurate, if you are part Central Asian it is not unlikely that your ancestors migrated to the Americas from there. Just sayin’

    Your picture is gorgeous too.

    Namaste, Linda

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    • Linda, I love your comment! First – meeting Anita Moorjani today, wow! That is an amazing synchronicity…thank you for sharing what she said about arranged marriages at I Can Do It as that really resonates. I read her book and it had such a huge impact on me, I might have to read it again.

      I also love your take on the Ancestry DNA. The results showed 1% of the European ancestry as Finnish/Russian, which is interesting, because my ‘second family’ (i.e., not biological) is Finnish. So I wonder how much of the test is actually genetic DNA, and how much is consciousness DNA. Ok maybe that’s a bit of a stretch, but it’s fun to think about the evolving quantum stuff. 😉

      I met up with some family members today and we got into a discussion about the test results, Indian ancestry, religion, migration… it’s all so fascinating. I would love to hear about your results if you get a chance to take the test. I’ve been off social media but I’ve been thinking about you and I’m sending prayers for your work and health! Love, Aleya

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  2. Excellent post!! My friend and I were recently talking about our roles, in the Divine Feminie waking up, etc. I also had a very vivid dream in which her and my grandmother stood above my bed and gently advised us that we keep going on our path and that we are changing the paradigm. I have been off social media for a bit, can’t wait to catch up on all of your posts!! ❤

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    • It’s so good to hear from you! ❤ I’ve been off most social media too so I’m so happy we can connect here. Thank you for catching up on my blogs!

      One of the main reasons I got off social media was to get away from all the noise because it was obscuring truth for me. Life feels much simpler and more peaceful without, though I know it has its positive aspects and I might come back.

      What a powerful and sacred experience with your friend and grandmother coming to you in your dream. Something huge is happening isn’t it…it’s an honour to be changing paradigms with you. Much love, soul sister! Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

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