the fires of kali

It’s curious that the things we most love to do often get pushed to the back burner during times of stress. This post is my attempt to reconnect with blogging, a bright spot in my life – but one I’ve neglected these past few weeks!

Like many others, I’ve experienced some big life changes and it’s taken most of my energy to keep up with my day-to-day routine during all the transition. Last month, I moved homes yet again. Those who know me will probably find this amusing, as I change addresses more frequently than anyone I know…but these particular circumstances were unsettling and threw me off center. The silver lining? I’ve discovered that I’m getting tired of being a gypsy. I’m craving a real sanctuary, somewhere I can land at the end of the day and truly call ‘home’. I’m intrigued at what this realization might bring!

The past is certainly coming up for re-evaluation and reconfiguration. An old flame recently returned to my life, and the relationship is evolving into something new. Is it resurrection or completion? It is hard not to ask such questions, but of course only time will tell.

technicolor kali, sonja picard

Through all of this, I’ve been feeling goddess Kali’s strong presence. Kali, the destroyer of all that is old, tired, and decayed. Her sword slashes my ego to the core, over and over again, making it excruciatingly uncomfortable to remain in habitual reactions and beliefs. She asks me: Is this really what you want? How uncomfortable does it have to get? What are you sacrificing? Is it worth it?

This all sounds intense, and it is. But there’s also been so much beauty and healing these past couple of months. My external situations are no doubt mirroring the shifts on the inside, and while this often feels stressful and exhausting, I welcome it. Things have to get completely shaken up to settle in their new and rightful places. (I’m seeing snow globes.)

Kali asks: What do you want? I usually go blank at this question. Is it because I don’t know, or I don’t feel worthy of having it, or because it’s never been about external things? Probably.

What I want is to feel my connection with my source, my creator – God – more than ever before. To use the collective chaos and turmoil as the catalyst for delving deeper into my own Self. And that means trusting my own guidance and authority, something I’ve written about before, and is more crucial than ever.

Having said that, perhaps it’s also time to start creatively dreaming about those externals! I’m feeling renewed excitement in reviving plans and projects that I shelved a while back. Doing things for the sheer enjoyment they bring, like writing and blogging. Perhaps these times present a golden opportunity, a fruitful time to plant seeds that will grow into something big. The old hardened roots have to be dug up first, leaving what looks to be a huge mess…but it’s actually the fertile soil for great beauty. Summer feels ripe for the picking.

Jai, Kali Ma.

29 thoughts on “the fires of kali

  1. Hi,
    What a blessing you are reaching out to Kali at this time in your life. She is certainly the one who supports us and destroys our ignorance if our sincere wish is to truly discover who we are and connect with our Divine Source. Kali is also the mother of Compassion 🙂 who dearly loves those willing to transform their nature.
    Jai Kali and may she bless you with all her love and compassion!

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I burst out loud laughing when I read the part about you being one that changes addresses more than anyone you know, I am the same! 🤣 And I too have been craving sanctuary! Great post 🙂 it really resonates!!

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  3. Pingback: success is in the heart | alohaleya

  4. Beautiful, Aleya! Thanks for sharing your experiences- it has been an interesting time for sure! I too have started to crave a base and space to call my own! I left the US and have returned to Europe and am actually considering my homeland of Ireland as my potential home once again. Bizarre where life takes us when we just go with the flow and are open!! I am sure all will become clear for us both in time. Sending you love and hugs, Laura.x

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  5. Aleya, I’m so happy to have found your post today! I couldn’t stop staring at the image of Kali…it gives me the chills in a good way. It like just looking at that image creates connection. And I completely understand the desire to connect with your source….I feel this too. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “It’s curious that the things we most love to do often get pushed to the back burner during times of stress.”
    ….I agree! When I disappear from here for several weeks at a time, it is usually because I’m dealing with other things/changes life has thrown my way.

    Interestingly, I’m also feeling a shift of wanting to build a nest — a place to call my own and truly call home; a place I can come back to after travels near and far… It’s a strange feeling to me, but I welcome the idea 🙂 I have a feeling the next year (or two) will bring lots of exciting (drastic) changes.

    I hope your journey is a good one 🙂

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    • That is interesting that you’re also feeling the shift to build a nest! I love your posts and all the travels and adventures you embark on. I don’t know that I’d feel this shift if I wasn’t living in the temporary place I am right now, which a friend helped me find… it’s more set up to feel like a home and most of my previous living spaces have not been conducive to nest building. So the turn of events lately certainly is interesting…

      I do think that home is where the heart is – i.e., wherever you go, there you are – but after a while studio apartments with no counter space gets old! 😀 Thanks Denise ❤ Aleya

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      • I agree 🙂 I’ve been living from one apartment to the next, always keeping in mind that I’ll eventually move again (I do the same with jobs, haha). So I never fully settle in.
        Lately, the idea of having a permanent space is becoming more appealing. At least I’d have a space to park my wheels in between travels (at least that’s what I tell myself).

        Hope you’re having a great week! ❤ 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I really enjoyed reading your post. Something I am sure many of us can relate to, this journey of life and the soul. I too am going through many changes in my world, including moving. Though the changes are challenging, I am looking forward to them. I too am reconnecting with passions. I can tell by your writing that you are very insightful. I wish only the best for you on your wonderful journey. Peace and Blessings

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much for your kind words. I wish you all the best in your move and other life changes! It’s great that you are looking forward to the transitions… so many people I know are experiencing the same and I feel that for all of us, the change is positive and will only need to good things. Namaste, Aleya

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    • Wonderful post! Thank you for sharing. The dismantling of the old can feel very disorienting and unsettling but ultimately it must happen for something brand new and beautiful to enter. 🙂 Namaste, Aleya

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  8. Hey Aleya,

    We’ve missed your smile here on WP 🙂 Lovely to have you back and blogging, and expressing yourself with elegance.

    You sound poised on the precipice of one last journey downwards into a place where it gets ever darker and ever hotter: a place that fairly melts the superfluous away and then returns you rising on thermals to erupt liker a volcano into a new life. Whilst a solo journey (there is no other way) friends wait for your celebrated return. Take a lantern and don’t stray too far from the main path, unless you are a cat with 9 lives and forever curious, in which case, give it a whirl!

    I have always appreciated the tramping life….49 homes thus far, and I know I’ll be moving again sometime soon, whether this year or next, the big 50 is coming! What I enjoy about these transitions from one place to another is the opportunity to maintain a sense of constant forward momentum, the chance to always shave away the unwanted, the un-necessary and the redundant, and the choice to take only what I want with me into the future. I hate to feel caged, packaged, paused, stagnant and still. It’s what I have known for all my life. My home is where the heart is, so I get to take my home with me wherever I go 🙂

    Perhaps a little Love by way of an old flame will help melt those old roots of yours rather than dismantling them by force? There is a reason why people enter our lives when they do. If you find strength in him then use it for your own ends, even have him hold the rope from above the precipice into which you descend…but that takes trust, and only you can determine that.

    I didn’t debate the descent when I went over the edge, I just fell straight in with Merlin shining his light and his pet Owl, Archimedes, seeing far ahead into the dark. That was 17 months ago! Thankfully, we are all nearly out of the tunnels now and preparing for renewed adventure. Oh glory be! lol 🙂

    Wishing you a week of wide-eyed wonder and illumination by fire! 🙂 Be bold, be brave, be discerning and be ready to submit to Her burning Love.

    Take care brave-heart!

    Namaste 🙂

    DN

    Liked by 3 people

    • Dewin, I really love this comment! 😀 Your words are so full of delight and the image of the volcano feels just right. These past few weeks I have been staying in a lovely home – a very unexpected turn of events that could only have happened if my last place didn’t end so abruptly – and it’s awakened something new and unexpected in me. The urge to be a domestic goddess – hahah!! Seriously, I relate to what you say about the forward momentum, not wanting to feel stagnant and still. I’m pretty sure I will always feel that way, and I’m glad to have the freedom to move if that’s what I desire…

      Whatever happens with the old flame, these past few months have presented the opportunity for healing and a new kind of love to emerge, and for that I am very grateful. ❤

      I am excited for all our renewed adventures, and I wish you a wonderful week ahead. Thank you again! 🙂 Namaste, Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hey Aleya,

        It very much sounds like you are considering ‘settling’ into the next phase of life and are therefore in the process of casting off the fluff and fabric in preparation for the near future. It appears a deeply transformative time as opposed to being just a mere simplistic change. You understand Kali far better than I, and will know she is your ideal companion at this time, a force of unrivalled strength within your heart and a symbol of discernment for your mind. One wonders if you will settle as a result of her influence and in what manner that may manifest. May I ask if you have intention or thoughts of marriage, baring children and having a family in the future?

        I can appreciate the sensation of domesticity and have on occasion shared similar thoughts whilst being the guest of friends for a few days. I found it a chance to really relax, to allow someone else to share, even carry, my day-to-day responsibilities, stresses, strains and burdens, so that I could get back to finding the ‘me’ buried someplace inside it all. And that’s when I glimpsed the gently stirring feeling of peaceful contentment, or perhaps it was the desire for it after years of walking and persisting, resisting, and existing independently away from the world and always travelling alone. I was gently lulled but not quite won over, not yet at least, it is not time for me, I’ve a few miles left to travel yet before settling to rest on my laurels. I am too old now to consider having a family, and in truth that is not really me either, but I guess a man’s body clock and a woman’s body clock shout out in different ways eve if it is with the one same voice, and we will all react differently as it is intended for us to do so. I hope you will relish the choices you make.

        I like the sound of an emergent new love in your life and the healing that it is or has provided for you. That in itself is a celebration and a powerful motivator for assisting you with your choices and in progressing your dreams. I’m sure you’ll move again in time into a place that feels like ‘home’. I imagine you’ll know that moment when it comes. I on the other hand have not yet found that physical place, the four walls that contain me are not a home, they are a convenience and a shell only. The wilderness is still my frontier, my heart is still my home, and I am still a tramping snail. One day I might stop walking but who knows quite when that will be, and in that aspect I still remain the evergreen adventurer!

        Thank you for kind thoughts for my week ahead. I wish you similar success and enjoyment of your week also, and trust you’ll take care of one and all. Think BIG thoughts and have BIG dreams, they are what motivate us to keep moving forward: ’tis the desire to always want to reach far beyond what we are able to grasp, that is when the human condition works its best magic for us.

        Take care domestic Goddess in the making 😀

        Namaste 🙂

        DN

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        • Thanks Dewin, I think I am open to anything at this point… marriage, kids, domesticity… or continued wanderlust and travelling, who knows? Maybe all of it. I shall take it day by day and see what transpires. While enjoying having those big thoughts and big dreams, of course. 🙂 Namaste to you, the evergreen adventurer! Aleya

          Liked by 1 person

          • Thank you Aleya.

            My sincere best wishes with all choices and with all directions you feel the need to travel in. If only we could split ourselves a hundred different ways, life would be so much easier!

            So yes indeed, dream BIG and never stop reaching! Perhaps the journey into the beyond never really stops anyway…we just pause it once in a while to consolidate ourselves and draw breath before the tidal wave moves us onwards regardless.

            Enjoy a wonderful week of dreams and dreaming 🙂

            Take care in all ways always.

            Namaste 🙂

            DN

            Liked by 1 person

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