new shoots in the dark

In my part of the world, summer has taken a while to show up. It’s now here in full force: temperatures are high, and wildfires are burning all over the province. A smoky haze envelops my city, where there should be blue sky. Tonight is a full moon, and later this month a total solar eclipse, partially visible from where I live.

What does all this mean? Nothing, maybe. At one time I would’ve written about this as a chance to burn away what no longer serves us individually and collectively. The heat is kicking up tension, the smoke obscuring the path, the full moon marking the opportunity for completion.

Perhaps this is true, but I can’t say anything with certainty. On one hand it seems things are too unpredictable, on the other I feel completely stagnated. I’m noticing a chronic, underlying disgruntlement, triggered more often these days. I am impatient and anxious much of the time.

a smoky, hazy sky

It’s been on my radar to write an updated ‘About’ page. Mystic, wanderer, tantric, yogi… would I still describe myself this way? Possibly. But these words have formed an identity, an image, that no longer fits. Defining myself as ‘spiritual’, however earnest and sincere my intentions, has also – in some ways – disconnected me from others.

For a long time, I perceived the dominant, external reality as negative, and feared that focusing on this negative would only reinforce it, thus bringing more of it into my life. (The Law of Attraction.) I didn’t watch the news, and I unplugged from most social media. It was important to focus on the light.

But did it make me a happier person? No.

Because resisting something only strengthens it.

Because fearing negativity, and suppressing that fear, takes a lot of energy.

Because we are all connected, and living in a bubble doesn’t work.

Thanks to Leigh for sharing a recent Oprah interview with author and speaker Charles Eisenstein. Oprah and Charles discuss that hate is a ‘bodyguard’ for grief. The low-level suffering many of us experience is due to profound disconnection from our communities. Everything that’s happening to the world is happening to us….and we’ve numbed ourselves to the feeling – the knowing – that we’re all connected.

If we are evolving into a more conscious and empathic species, it’s important to know what’s going on with the rest of humanity. I want my feet on the ground, aware of what’s happening on (and to) the planet. I want my eyes opened where I’ve previously shielded them. We hold light where we can; but we also allow ourselves to feel the darkness. This can open the doors to empathy.

We’re all co-writers in this planetary script. Oprah and Charles discuss that we will hold on to our stories the hardest just before they completely collapse. This is happening on a mass scale. Where do I see my own beliefs playing out on the global stage? My stories have shaped my life, and it’s difficult to let some of them go. But they hold a me-against-the-world slant, and I don’t want to tell that tale anymore.

No matter who we are, we’ve inherited ancestral beliefs, religious conditioning, tribal fears and shames, and a collective worldview that for the most part stems from division and separation. Creating a new story is a massive undertaking.

I know so many kind and caring people who do their best to live in integrity and harmony with the natural world. They work hard every day to live by their values and take personal responsibility for their actions. I am inspired by them, and want to learn more from them. They give me hope that seeds of empathy and compassion are being planted in what appears to be the darkest of days.

Perhaps this moon is indeed a fortuitous time to end one chapter and begin writing the next.

18 thoughts on “new shoots in the dark

  1. Sometimes, Aleya, I feel like you hold my very own heart in your hands ❤
    The way you write has always inspired me, and I hope to one day be able to communicate with such clarity, the way that you do. ❤ It's 'what' you write that gets delivered so well. Bless you sweet sister love. Thank you for your presence in the world, and in my world. I always hope to catch up here, for sure.

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  2. Besutiful vulnerability you unveil Aleya… Stories of the Human struggle are surfacing fast and furious now in everyone’s life… until we get it… to understand this is not who we are, but mere experiences to realize the truth of who we are and to prepare us to embody our truth and bring harmony and beautiful sensual experience to Earth… as was meant originally… much love 😘 Barbara x


  3. Hi Aleya,

    Thank you for sharing. I relate to you not watching the news or reading the paper, as I withdrew from this as well a while ago, while now I want to know what is going on in the world, because there are, as you say, so many inspiring people “out there”. The more my heart expands and I learn to accept myself, the more peace I feel inside my and can choose not to get affected by the chaos and negativity that seems to roam our planet.

    We live in a time of transition, a time that is ruled by the aspect of God who transforms the rigid old system into something new. Call Him Rudra, Shiva or Loki – this aspect forces us to shed our old beliefs and look at ourselves without judgement to find a balance in this world of duality. And as much as It can seem unpredictable, chaotic and even destructive, the underlying energy of it is deep love and compassion. True transformation is the transformation (or illumination) of our lower nature into something higher, so we can become who we are meant to be. One with our Source, our inner Light, our Soul, Spirit or Higher Self. Transformation of our nature always carries the energy of Love and Compassion, because God’s Light is the force that illumines us. I believe Light in its truest deepest sense is love, compassion and forgiveness and the God of Transformation is, in a way, a radical aspect of God’s Love and Compassion.

    We cannot change others, but we all have the power to change ourselves and since we are all connected, it inadvertently has an effect on everyone. It is us, as individuals, who can make a collective change by opening our hearts, accepting ourselves the way we are (without judgement) so that God’s love and compassion can flow into our lives and spread from there.
    Acceptance comes with forgiveness, love and compassion, gratitude and humility. Forgiveness sets us free. Love nurtures us. Compassion shelters us. Gratitude expands us. Humility brings us peace.

    I apologise for the rather lengthy comment!

    With much love,

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anne, thank you so much for this beautiful and insightful comment. I loved reading your words and they ring so true for me. I’m grateful to have this space to share my process as I often feel very uplifted by the comments of those who take the time to share their thoughts on my posts. It certainly helps me to remember that we are on a journey of love and compassion… and it’s so important to remind each other of this when the transition feels especially challenging. Much love to you! ❤ Aleya

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  4. I’ve been feeling so disconnected too lately. Working through it openly can be helpful. I love reading your posts because if that openness and I can often relate to your journey. Thanks for sharing. Stay safe! I’m on the east coast of Canada, we’re sending love you’re way.

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    • Thank you, Reena. ❤ It does help to share, and know that others relate. It's been very strange to have such hazy weather here day after day… I can't imagine what it's like where the fires are burning. Much love, Aleya

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  5. Thank you so much for sharing this post dear Aleya.
    I think many of us can relate / feel with this..your experience. Connecting with Source helped, nature (breathing) in specific for a tremendous effective way .
    I think that I can understand /feel what you are talking about, because of my own experience…

    It is/was the last months a lot about “Processing/ transforming fear /anxiety into Love/ joy”. I think you and everyone else can find ways that are just working for you (YOU). That specific tool (Breathing-meditation? Affirmation? Mantra? Having fun with a friend 🙂 ? writing a blog-post.. ) can change every day, if necessary or wished .
    (BTW, I think I will write a blog-post about this today too :-D)

    I found recently a four-leaf clover..through LOA exercise and my partner put it in an old book in the shelf that I never recognised before, maybe because it was so old and the letters on the spine of the book were too blurred.Yes and this book really gives me a lot of joy…a stroke of luck.

    It (the first edition) is 119 Years old and is from Ralph Waldo Trine (not to confuse with the much earlier born writer Ralph Waldo Emerson !).”In Tune With the Infinite”
    He was a writer of the New Thought Movement (LOA ) Even though the language is sometimes a bit old-fashioned, it is mostly very easy to understand However it helped me a lot ,to read all these things in an original book that was written wayyy BEFORE “The Secret” and all the other modern self-help books from other authors. (including myself, as I am biased due to my (overly?) criticism off my own writing of course..) . 😀
    However…In Tune With the Infinite”:
    It is surprisingly as “spiritual” as it is down to earth, very well balanced without spiritual “Fluff” or “rainbow-farting-unicorns ” 😉 just honest old non-fiction literature that surprises with it´s simplicity but a semi-narrative style.
    I just found it here for free as PDF / E-book:(
    I hope this helps a bit . Thank you for being YOU and doing the healing when we do this it will help everyONE….Abundant , blessings, love light Joy to you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Andreas, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comment! Writing the blog posts certainly helps, and breathing does too. I just have to remember to breathe deeply! 🙂 I also find mantra very powerful and whenever I do a Kundalini Yoga class I am reminded that this system/philosophy really works for me. I agree that we each must find what works for us. It is a process. And sometimes I have to put on hold on my spiritual practices so that I can come back to them with renewed understanding and appreciation. I think with a lot of spiritual material there can be misinformation or doing something because someone else is doing it so it’s about refining what feels good for us.

      I love the 4-leaf clover story! I also had a synchronistic event with a 4-leaf clover a few years ago, in Australia – maybe I will write about it…
      Thank you for the Ralph Waldo Trine link too, I will check that out. I do believe in the essence of LOA, but as you say, in recent years much has become diluted – ‘rainbow farting unicorns’! I want to experience the material, practical, down-to-earth realm… though I’m more comfortable with my head-in-the-stars – haha.

      Thank you again for sharing your insight and experience. Many blessings to you! Aleya

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      • Thank you so much for your kind reply, yes I think it is a lot about refining what feels good for us. Following my heart and intuition works pretty good most of the time…I can´t wait to read about your ” clover experience” 🙂 Many blessings to you , Andreas

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  6. Thanks for sharing your journey so openly Aleya. I see truth, wisdom, vulnerability and more. I enjoyed that Oprah talk with Charles too and am reading his latest book called Sacred Economics. Many of the old ways (personally and collectively) need to shift. May we grow new shoots (and stories) rooted in love, empathy and conscious awareness of our oneness. Hugs, Brad

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    • Thank you so much Brad. I’d never heard of Charles till this interview but I’d like to read his books. I found this conversation very real and hopeful. It turns out this was a pretty powerful few days – it was a long weekend where I live, with a lot of emotional release and coming face-to-face with what I am ready to let go of. The full moon really did seem to play a part! 😉 Hugs, Aleya

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