this blog’s about me…but aren’t i you?

I’ve written numerous times that one of my favourite things about blogging is connecting with kindred spirits across the globe. Through sharing in each other’s journeys, I’ve learned much about myself and others.

For the most part, comments on my posts are supportive and uplifting. But there is the odd time an observation rubs me the wrong way. In those instances, I have to step back and contemplate why I feel triggered. Usually, when a nerve is struck, that nerve was sensitive to begin with.

In my most recent post, I refer to my blog’s tagline, ‘wearing her heart on her blog’. This is a personal blog…recording my spiritual journey and my innermost thoughts. I don’t share it with friends, nor do I post (much) on social media. But I have many moments where I question the need to share myself so openly on the world wide web. Am I seeking external approval and validation? What is the root of my desire to self-express? To be liked? To channel my soul’s essence, for some larger purpose my conscious mind may not be aware of?

A recent comment prompted me to ask myself these questions yet again. It was pointed out that my blog, and whatever else gives me online attention, is feeding my ego and stimulating unnatural dopamine production. This wasn’t written in a particularly nasty way, but I admit, I got my back up. My mind immediately came up with some defensive replies, but I knew this was the lizard brain’s habitual reaction…so I waited it out. Any strong emotional response on my part was likely due to fear that the commenter’s suggestions were true.

And you know what I felt, underneath it all? Shame. My deepest insecurities about sharing myself openly – that I would be attacked, that people would think I was narcissistic and self-centered, that I was an imposter – came to the surface. Ancient wounds activated. I felt exposed. Deeply embarrassed. How many people feel this way about me? 

This blog is about me…but my main impetus is to create and foster connection. I struggle with many things as a sensitive being on planet earth, and I sense many others do too. In writing my words, I am helping others feel less alone, and in their responses to me, I feel less alone. It’s a creative endeavor that brings some hope and relief to a psyche that often feels quite heavy. It’s a joint venture.

Does ego come into it? Of course. And this too is something I’ve addressed several times. It would be foolish to state that my sharing can be completely ego-free. I’m a human being. Ego comes with the territory. I like ‘likes’. I take things personally. I get attached. I’m working on it, but I’m also trying to be easier on myself. Ego’s a beast I wrestle every single day, and I often fight myself much too hard.

I’m glad I was prompted to write this post. I feel clearer on my own motivations, and the charge I felt has dissipated. (Writing is so cathartic!) Like it or not – and I mostly like it – technology is here, and with social media comes a level of human interaction we haven’t yet experienced. It takes adjustment. It takes responsibility and mindfulness. And it takes supreme kindness, towards ourselves and others.

In Lak’ech. I am another you.

53 thoughts on “this blog’s about me…but aren’t i you?

  1. Hi Aleya! I too have struggled with the question of my own motivations for blogging and for the career I dream of. Of course, there is ego involved but it started from an authentic place of wanting true connection with like minds, when I have so often felt alone in a sea of people. There is also the sincere desire to help others connect with their authentic selves. Digging deep and revealing who we really are lights the way for others to gather up their courage and do so too. If we don’t share – ego wins, by keeping us locked up within ourselves. So what if a little outside validation helps my ego let down its guard giving me the confidence to let more of who I really am shine through. Ego is here to stay and my goal is to have my ego serve my soul and that starts with owning who I am and sharing with the world in whatever form that may be! Ahh, that felt good to let that out, lol! ~Brandi

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    • Yes, yes, yes! I love your comment Brandi. “If we don’t share – ego wins, by keeping us locked up within ourselves.” This really rang true for me. It’s not so simple, so black/white, this ego thing. 😉 You wrote it all so well…thank you, Brandi. ❤ Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

  2. So glad I visited today and came across this, Aleya. I loved your candid reflection, and think there’s nothing wrong with liking the experience of speaking and being heard, and appreciated for who we are… It’s not a selfish egotistical thing to come into a deeper appreciation for both self and other, and the way we do that is by connecting… This medium is different than other forms of connecting, but for me that doesn’t make it better or worse. I’m able to communicate things through blogging I don’t always have a great outlet for doing otherwise, and the sublime thing is there are people out there who care about the same things, and respond! It’s astounding really. It’s good. Your writing is beautiful and appreciated, and I’ve no doubt it inspires others, myself included.

    Michael

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind and lovely comment, Michael – it’s great to hear from you! I’m so glad I wrote this post as the comments have been very illuminating and uplifting, and inspire me to continue. One of the many wonderful things about being in a blogging community. 🙂 All the best, Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Aleya, I always feel like I appreciate the sincerity of your words, and in many ways can relate. Posting to a blog is challenging for me, and I’m not always sure why I do it, besides the inspiration. I have to release into that unknown, and accept that many of my personal contacts do read my posts, and I’m always allowing myself the vulnerability, while connecting with whoever shows up (or not), and if they want to connect. It’s element of the unknown that satisfies me as I reach out and reach out and reach out. Of course, when my personal life is also requiring a lot of vulnerability, I have to balance the two so that I keep peace during the evolution and growth periods – whatever heavy psychology arises and/or falls away. I find that I post during and through “both” times, and sometimes there’s just so much complexity to the human experience, it’s often difficult for me to put into words. I suppose I like the practice. Lots of love to you! Ka

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Ka, thank you… I relate to what you write. I’m often not sure why I blog, only that there is some inspiration there that needs to be released into, as you say, the unknown. I haven’t posted or been on WP for a while, and this too is part of the process…allowing those times of rest and coming back when the inspiration prompts it. But I am eager to get back and connect with my lovely WP friends, like you. ❤ Much love! Aleya

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  4. Heartfelt words… Thankyou for your vulnerability that we all are… if we allow ourselves to share. I love WordPress too for helping to bring us all together. After all we are indeed all part of the one creative juicing pot, having a wonderful time expressing our unique Human experience that without the ego, our sense of self would be impossible. We are also inspiring each other to fully realise our full potential as multidimensional beings. Of course Human misunderstandings happen, as this is part of our learning, but when we remember to breath and feel what is happening we can choose to respond in a wise way. So this brings me to wonder if you would like to write about this years theme as my guest blogger… Consciousness vs Artificial Intelligence… Much love to you Aleya x barbara x

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    • “Creative juicing pot”…Oh I like the sound of that! 😉 I also like, “without the ego, our sense of self would be impossible”. That is a good reminder. In expressing our uniqueness, we need that sense of self.

      I love the theme you have chosen, Consciousness vs Artificial Intelligence, and it’s something I’ve been thinking about since you proposed the idea on your blog. I have some ideas and will keep you posted, soon. Thank you Barbara! Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I love your blog. As many pointed out, this seems like a “don’t take anything personally” moment where the comment reflects everything about the commenter and nothing about you. The path we’re on can be a bit lonely and I think a lot of us are here doing this because we’ve fallen in love with the community of folks like you who share deeply. A lot of people are made uncomfortable by both that depth and by the beliefs we hold about spirit. Not our problem. Hugs and love.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Pingback: The Highly Sensitive. Handling Criticisms. Right Speech. | Aligning With Truth

  7. I most certainly resonate with and relate to this post, Aleya! Your thoughts and feelings mirror mine so closely that I may have very well written this post! Like you, my blogging and sharing have been quite a journey and a process of being clear on what is my motivation. Thank you for your vulnerability and courage, Aleya! It is truly inspiring! 🙏💖 It is reminding me to continue to bare my heart as I’m moved and inspired, to ‘wear my heart on my sleeve on my blog,’ and not allow someone’s projection of THEIR insecurities and fears to gag me.

    I, too, have had very few nasty comments, thankfully, but they affect me admittedly. I agree with literarylew that disrespectful comments are a reflection of the commenter more than me, us. Like you, I’m quite a sensitive, too, and it takes quite a while for me to process and release ‘attacking energies,’ after which I remind myself to be grateful for these ‘teachers’ who give me the opportunities to strengthen my self-confidence and self-trust. Oh, if I can only let the criticisms quickly slide off my back and not be affected by them at all and just immediately get to that state of Grace and pure Gratefulness! But such isn’t my make-up, and it is what my Soul signed up for as a major growth opportunity. It is quite comforting, though, to know I’m not alone. Once again, thank you for writing this! 💖🙏💖I’m so grateful to you, and I so appreciate you and your writing and sharing!!! 🌞🌟💞🙏

    Big L💖ve, Big Hug, & the Brightest & most Magical Blessings to you, Aleya!!! 🌞🌟💞🙏🌜 Om Shanti. Namaste. 🕉 🙏🕉

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    • Thank you so much, Nadine! I deeply appreciate your kind and thoughtful comment, and the vulnerability and courage your share on your own blog. It’s not easy to be a sensitive being and put oneself out there, open to the projections of others. Actually, in one sense it is easy, because expressing feelings come so naturally! But as you say, it can take a while to process and release the attacking energies…even if we ‘know’ not to take it personally, it is hard. But eventually we can come to see the experience/teacher for what it is, and be grateful.

      And in this case, I am so grateful that I was inspired to write this post and that so many wonderful bloggers/friends took the time to comment. ❤ I too am comforted to know I'm not alone and I thank you for your loving comment. Wishing so many blessings back to you, Nadine! Namaste, Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re most welcome, Aleya! You’re so right. Expressing our feelings per se is effortless, but what makes that a challenge and what blocks that is when we think about how others would take it. At least, that’s how it is with me.

        Please continue sharing and wearing your ❤ on your blog, Aleya. It is a gift that blesses so many of us! Thank you for being ‘one of us.’ It is, indeed, wonderful to read the comments from many others. A clear indication and validation that our ‘likes’ are out there. We may not be near each other geographically — and how I wish we are! — but we sure are connected — deeply and strongly! And thanks to the Internet for making such connections feel ‘more real.’

        And again, thanks to you, Aleya and for all that you write and share!!!

        🌛🙏💖🌟🌞Much L💖ve, Big Hug, & the Most Magical & Brightest Blessings, to you, Aleya!!!🌞🌟💞🙏🌜 Om Shanti. Namaste.🕉 🙏🕉

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  8. This criticism of your blog was not fair, revealing so much more about the critic him/her self than you. “Wearing your heart on your sleeve” and sharing the resulting wisdom in this venue is very courageous, requiring a lot of commitment and strength. Vulnerability is by definition gut-wrenchingly painful and your willingness to share about it is beautiful, powerful, and encouraging. Someone has said, “To be is to be vulnerable.” You have the courage to “be” while your critic remains isolated in his/her safely-detached view of the world where there is no vulnerability. It is only as we find this courage “to be” that we bring anything of value into this world and your blog demonstrates that you do this daily in your life. I don’t know the details of your daily life but I know that the beauty and grace that is so apparent in your blog flow generously in your day-to-day life, blessing the whole of your world and thus the whole of the entire world. Anytime we are genuine we are bringing the light of day to a world that lies in darkness.

    Vulnerability is scary to this “darkened” world and people are repelled by it. Culture is designed to shut this vulnerability out and has an arsenal of weapons at its disposal to prevent it. It will do anything to shut it down, all of these efforts best described with the word “violence.” You are bringing an offering of beauty and grace when you post on your blog and the world has aimed one of its missiles at you. But you have deep roots, roots extending into the very depths of the Being that brought this world into existence and keeps it going in spite of we human’s efforts to destroy it. You will not be deterred because you have within you something Eternal which cannot be destroyed. As they say, “You go grrl!!!”

    Liked by 4 people

    • Lew, thank you so much for this. Your words deeply touch my heart and I am so grateful to have this space to share and connect with others. I’m very glad I wrote this post as it clarified why I do this the first place…and the comments here show the support that is here for all those who choose to be vulnerable in the face of those missiles. It is so easy to shut down when we feel attacked…your words remind me why it’s essential to keep going. Speaking our truth is more powerful than we know, and we are supported in ways we cannot imagine. With gratitude, Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Aleya, I was wondering what your thoughts are on my latest post – I remember you mentioned Charles Eisenstein a while ago in one of your blogposts and I had ‘discovered’ him only a few months prior. I haven’t written in a year. I used to write a lot more on spiritual topics but Eisenstein really represents a mix of topics that I value. Would love to hear your thoughts on my post as I feel we’re in some ways kidred spirits : https://universaltransformation.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Gia! Yes, I did write about Charles Eisenstein a while ago. His Oprah interview, which I read about in a friend’s blog, inspired my post…but I haven’t explored his other material. I look forward to reading your post. 🙂

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  10. Beautiful and thoughtful post Aleya. Your courage to really question yourself when you notice you are in reaction is always inspiring.

    For me, so much of what people have to say about the ego comes from a place of deep misunderstanding; so many speak of ego as if it is ‘bad’ or ‘less than’. While there is of course a shadow-side that we need to work with, our egos are also the thing that keeps us safe and able to live a human life- it’s not spirit that understands how to be in a human body, it’s ego. We don’t know why we’re here to live a human life but we are. And living a human life of growth means working with our emotions through whatever medium(s) works best for each individual (writing, music, talking etc) and having connection with other humans (so we get to see the mirror of ourselves and notice where we need to shift, for comfort, for community etc). And the online world (with its many positives and negatives) is a community in our society. To me, it is not an ‘unnatural’ response to gain pleasure from being heard and seen- I could make a great argument as to that being essential to our lives and indeed evolution here on earth!

    I think it’s so vital, as you did, to notice when a comment from someone sparks us to question our worth and that we are then brave enough to ask and honestly answer ourselves if there is truth to what has been pointed out. I also think it’s always very helpful to remember and to hold to “what another person thinks of me is none of my business”. Because it truly never is.

    I have felt a post on ego bubbling away for a while, I think you’ve given me the inspiration to get writing it, so thank you! As I’ve said before, I love being in your community and am very grateful for all the sharing you do! 💚

    Liked by 3 people

    • Laura, thank you for your wonderful and thoughtful comment! ❤ I'm so happy that you're inspired to write more in an upcoming post and that just affirms why I get so much pleasure out of blogging – making these connections and inspiring others to share. There's so much I love about your comment, including this: "it’s not spirit that understands how to be in a human body, it’s ego". Yes. Words such as ego are used so frequently, esp in spiritual conversation, that it sometimes gets too simplified (e.g., ego = bad). I am grateful to be in community with you and I very much look forward to reading that post! 😉 Namaste, Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yes. What you said. 🙂 We are not enlightened beings and we do have to navigate the material world and that comes with emotions and wounds and obstacles. Ego is more complicated and I think it is more about attaching to the outcomes of what we put out in the world. Life can be pretty rough, so finding joy in small things like feeling appreciated, helpful, and inspiring to others I think is a beautiful thing.

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      • Thank you, Mitra, I love your comment and it’s so great to hear from you. 🙂 This material world can be rough and I think so many of us need to be much easier on ourselves. And continue doing all the things that bring joy. ❤ Aleya

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  11. Blogging like we do is about connection. We connect with other like-minded individuals and with ourselves. What is the harm in that? I’m glad you’re brave enough to be here and put yourself out there. It isn’t easy!

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Very well written and strong ..powerful post. We are spiritual beings having an individual occasional human experience. which sometimes involves the ego, which is supposed to be our (virtual because it is just conceptual, ever-changing ) friend. The way bigger part of our very consciousness is …well you know this , you are on a spiritual path . Thank you for being you. Many blessings and…. Happy New Here and NOW 😉

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  13. I love this! I know the thoughts you describe here so well. But I think we need to hold on to what you say; we write because it’s cathartic, because it can help other people and because it can spark connection. And those are way more important than our doubts :).

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  14. I’m with you on this journey. So many of us are searching and working things out through our writing. Along the way, we may help someone else or connect with other kindred spirits on the same journey. WP is a community and we are all writers in this community. Dismissing all of your hard work as “feeding the ego” is such a superficial and trolling comment. Can you imagine a world where everyone only wrote, painted, or played music alone and to themselves.

    Liked by 6 people

  15. Hi, Aleya, this is wonderful self-reflection. I like so much about this post, especially your last paragraph about writing and human interaction. A desire to connect is a deep desire that many (all?) have and there are many ways to express that, including with a wonderful blog and thoughtful writing such as yours. Thanks for being you. Namaste. All the best, Brett

    Liked by 3 people

  16. Yes you are me and we are one. Thank you for another wise, loving, and vulnerable post Aleya. I share many of your feelings and questions about blogging and sharing so much online. No doubt our egos and dopamine come into play. But overall, I too continue to blog and share my tender heart in the hopes of connecting, inspiring and helping others. May we rise together. Hugs and blessings. ❤

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