this blog’s about me…but aren’t i you?

I’ve written numerous times that one of my favourite things about blogging is connecting with kindred spirits across the globe. Through sharing in each other’s journeys, I’ve learned much about myself and others.

For the most part, comments on my posts are supportive and uplifting. But there is the odd time an observation rubs me the wrong way. In those instances, I have to step back and contemplate why I feel triggered. Usually, when a nerve is struck, that nerve was sensitive to begin with.

In my most recent post, I refer to my blog’s tagline, ‘wearing her heart on her blog’. This is a personal blog…recording my spiritual journey and my innermost thoughts. I don’t share it with friends, nor do I post (much) on social media. But I have many moments where I question the need to share myself so openly on the world wide web. Am I seeking external approval and validation? What is the root of my desire to self-express? To be liked? To channel my soul’s essence, for some larger purpose my conscious mind may not be aware of?

A recent comment prompted me to ask myself these questions yet again. It was pointed out that my blog, and whatever else gives me online attention, is feeding my ego and stimulating unnatural dopamine production. This wasn’t written in a particularly nasty way, but I admit, I got my back up. My mind immediately came up with some defensive replies, but I knew this was the lizard brain’s habitual reaction…so I waited it out. Any strong emotional response on my part was likely due to fear that the commenter’s suggestions were true.

And you know what I felt, underneath it all? Shame. My deepest insecurities about sharing myself openly – that I would be attacked, that people would think I was narcissistic and self-centered, that I was an imposter – came to the surface. Ancient wounds activated. I felt exposed. Deeply embarrassed. How many people feel this way about me? 

This blog is about me…but my main impetus is to create and foster connection. I struggle with many things as a sensitive being on planet earth, and I sense many others do too. In writing my words, I am helping others feel less alone, and in their responses to me, I feel less alone. It’s a creative endeavor that brings some hope and relief to a psyche that often feels quite heavy. It’s a joint venture.

Does ego come into it? Of course. And this too is something I’ve addressed several times. It would be foolish to state that my sharing can be completely ego-free. I’m a human being. Ego comes with the territory. I like ‘likes’. I take things personally. I get attached. I’m working on it, but I’m also trying to be easier on myself. Ego’s a beast I wrestle every single day, and I often fight myself much too hard.

I’m glad I was prompted to write this post. I feel clearer on my own motivations, and the charge I felt has dissipated. (Writing is so cathartic!) Like it or not – and I mostly like it – technology is here, and with social media comes a level of human interaction we haven’t yet experienced. It takes adjustment. It takes responsibility and mindfulness. And it takes supreme kindness, towards ourselves and others.

In Lak’ech. I am another you.

30 thoughts on “this blog’s about me…but aren’t i you?

  1. This criticism of your blog was not fair, revealing so much more about the critic him/her self than you. “Wearing your heart on your sleeve” and sharing the resulting wisdom in this venue is very courageous, requiring a lot of commitment and strength. Vulnerability is by definition gut-wrenchingly painful and your willingness to share about it is beautiful, powerful, and encouraging. Someone has said, “To be is to be vulnerable.” You have the courage to “be” while your critic remains isolated in his/her safely-detached view of the world where there is no vulnerability. It is only as we find this courage “to be” that we bring anything of value into this world and your blog demonstrates that you do this daily in your life. I don’t know the details of your daily life but I know that the beauty and grace that is so apparent in your blog flow generously in your day-to-day life, blessing the whole of your world and thus the whole of the entire world. Anytime we are genuine we are bringing the light of day to a world that lies in darkness.

    Vulnerability is scary to this “darkened” world and people are repelled by it. Culture is designed to shut this vulnerability out and has an arsenal of weapons at its disposal to prevent it. It will do anything to shut it down, all of these efforts best described with the word “violence.” You are bringing an offering of beauty and grace when you post on your blog and the world has aimed one of its missiles at you. But you have deep roots, roots extending into the very depths of the Being that brought this world into existence and keeps it going in spite of we human’s efforts to destroy it. You will not be deterred because you have within you something Eternal which cannot be destroyed. As they say, “You go grrl!!!”

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  2. Aleya, I was wondering what your thoughts are on my latest post – I remember you mentioned Charles Eisenstein a while ago in one of your blogposts and I had ‘discovered’ him only a few months prior. I haven’t written in a year. I used to write a lot more on spiritual topics but Eisenstein really represents a mix of topics that I value. Would love to hear your thoughts on my post as I feel we’re in some ways kidred spirits : https://universaltransformation.wordpress.com/

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    • Thanks Gia! Yes, I did write about Charles Eisenstein a while ago. His Oprah interview, which I read about in a friend’s blog, inspired my post…but I haven’t explored his other material. I look forward to reading your post. 🙂

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  3. Beautiful and thoughtful post Aleya. Your courage to really question yourself when you notice you are in reaction is always inspiring.

    For me, so much of what people have to say about the ego comes from a place of deep misunderstanding; so many speak of ego as if it is ‘bad’ or ‘less than’. While there is of course a shadow-side that we need to work with, our egos are also the thing that keeps us safe and able to live a human life- it’s not spirit that understands how to be in a human body, it’s ego. We don’t know why we’re here to live a human life but we are. And living a human life of growth means working with our emotions through whatever medium(s) works best for each individual (writing, music, talking etc) and having connection with other humans (so we get to see the mirror of ourselves and notice where we need to shift, for comfort, for community etc). And the online world (with its many positives and negatives) is a community in our society. To me, it is not an ‘unnatural’ response to gain pleasure from being heard and seen- I could make a great argument as to that being essential to our lives and indeed evolution here on earth!

    I think it’s so vital, as you did, to notice when a comment from someone sparks us to question our worth and that we are then brave enough to ask and honestly answer ourselves if there is truth to what has been pointed out. I also think it’s always very helpful to remember and to hold to “what another person thinks of me is none of my business”. Because it truly never is.

    I have felt a post on ego bubbling away for a while, I think you’ve given me the inspiration to get writing it, so thank you! As I’ve said before, I love being in your community and am very grateful for all the sharing you do! 💚

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    • Laura, thank you for your wonderful and thoughtful comment! ❤ I'm so happy that you're inspired to write more in an upcoming post and that just affirms why I get so much pleasure out of blogging – making these connections and inspiring others to share. There's so much I love about your comment, including this: "it’s not spirit that understands how to be in a human body, it’s ego". Yes. Words such as ego are used so frequently, esp in spiritual conversation, that it sometimes gets too simplified (e.g., ego = bad). I am grateful to be in community with you and I very much look forward to reading that post! 😉 Namaste, Aleya

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  4. Blogging like we do is about connection. We connect with other like-minded individuals and with ourselves. What is the harm in that? I’m glad you’re brave enough to be here and put yourself out there. It isn’t easy!

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  5. Very well written and strong ..powerful post. We are spiritual beings having an individual occasional human experience. which sometimes involves the ego, which is supposed to be our (virtual because it is just conceptual, ever-changing ) friend. The way bigger part of our very consciousness is …well you know this , you are on a spiritual path . Thank you for being you. Many blessings and…. Happy New Here and NOW 😉

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  6. I love this! I know the thoughts you describe here so well. But I think we need to hold on to what you say; we write because it’s cathartic, because it can help other people and because it can spark connection. And those are way more important than our doubts :).

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  7. I’m with you on this journey. So many of us are searching and working things out through our writing. Along the way, we may help someone else or connect with other kindred spirits on the same journey. WP is a community and we are all writers in this community. Dismissing all of your hard work as “feeding the ego” is such a superficial and trolling comment. Can you imagine a world where everyone only wrote, painted, or played music alone and to themselves.

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  8. Hi, Aleya, this is wonderful self-reflection. I like so much about this post, especially your last paragraph about writing and human interaction. A desire to connect is a deep desire that many (all?) have and there are many ways to express that, including with a wonderful blog and thoughtful writing such as yours. Thanks for being you. Namaste. All the best, Brett

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  9. Yes you are me and we are one. Thank you for another wise, loving, and vulnerable post Aleya. I share many of your feelings and questions about blogging and sharing so much online. No doubt our egos and dopamine come into play. But overall, I too continue to blog and share my tender heart in the hopes of connecting, inspiring and helping others. May we rise together. Hugs and blessings. ❤

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