i (almost) forgot i had a blog

One week turned into a month, then a couple months, and then…September!

It’s been my biggest ever blogging break. This is partly because, in the weeks after my last post, I’d had some heavy things on my mind and didn’t know how (or necessarily want) to share them in this space. Big Pharma and the depression epidemic. Broken sisterhood. Racism. The pitfalls of technology, primarily social media. To name a few.

I attempted to blog a few times, but the words felt stilted. Or preachy. Or too analytical. I found myself wanting to extract some meaning and positivity from my painful feelings, but that too didn’t feel right. I wrote about this being a time of necessary chaos, an unveiling of the collective shadow…but the words felt inauthentic.

ganesha blessings

I’m not feeling such intensity these days, and I now see that it was necessary to experience that heaviness without ‘spiritualizing’ it. While I do believe the darkness in humanity – the collective shadow – is being exposed, I’m not sure that all my long-beliefs, particularly about spirituality, still resonate. I’ve assumed a lot of things to be true for many years, particularly in regards to ascension and awakening, but I now seem to be in a place of…unknowing anything.

The summer has certainly been full of activity, another reason I haven’t written. I’ve been busy moving to a new home, living in a new city, starting a new job, and living with someone else for the first time in a very long time.

So much seemed to change at once, and with all the (continued) transition, I’ve often felt a lost connection with spirit. But is it lost, or changing in nature?

A couple of months ago, I was in a group setting where each of us was asked to share our personal story. Some of us spoke of defining moments and emotional pain experienced early in our lives. I found myself saying words I’d said many times before in other groups, and right here on this blog…and I realized how tired I was of telling that story.

It’s similar with my shifting spiritual beliefs. I’m in a space of definitions changing. I’m grateful for spiritual teachers and philosophies I’ve been exposed to, for the lectures and workshops I’ve attended, for the many books I’ve read. I have compassion for the inner child and the journey. I also acknowledge the emotional work I’ve done over the years in my spiritual search, releasing what’s felt like lifetimes of ancestral pain.

But perhaps it’s okay to let go just a little, and not overly fixate on the ‘why’ of things. To trust that I could never be disconnected from spirit, and to understand that releasing the story doesn’t mean I’m rejecting it.

What I do know is, I’m very glad I’ve written some words here, and that they feel right. 🙂

I’ve also meant to share my new Etsy page with my blogging friends. For the rest of September, I’m offering 25% off for WordPress’ers with coupon code WORDPRESS25. (Thank You, Ka!)

I am happy to have returned to my blog, and I wish you all a wonderful wrap to summer (or whatever season you’re in!).

23 thoughts on “i (almost) forgot i had a blog

  1. Lovely post, Aleya. Sometimes I think our beliefs are concepts… and in our acceptance of just being who we are they fall away. It is our discomfort in simply being who we are that often moves us to them, and then when we discover an acquiescence to the content of our own being, then the “tools” lose their urgency I think. At any rate, I can resonate with a changing landscape of urgency, desire and searching in particular veins. We just are who we are, and it is good… And not knowing feels so often like the deepest knowing there is… To be able to be comfortable with the not knowing. It seems quite a good thing, actually.

    Peace
    Michael

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Michael, it’s wonderful to hear from you. Your words are beautifully stated. There is a freedom in accepting the not knowing. Even if it feels uncomfortable, deeply and painfully at times, there is also quiet relief in accepting what is…losing the ‘striving’ to know the ultimately unknowable. Aleya

      Like

  2. Ha, ha! For some reason I was brought to an archived page of yours so didn’t see this post until I left the comment on the last one. Your words here resonate deeply, last night was my first post since April for much the same reasons as you… And now I see you did indeed start an Etsy! Delighted to see it and look forward to ordering (hoping I’m going to find the beautiful Ganesha you had in your previous jewellery post!) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I also came back from a bloggers’ break recently and absolutely resonate with you here….:) it feels good to be back and get into the writing groove again. Hoping to read more from you and connect with you….:)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Nice entry! I’d like to hear more about your evolving feelings on Ascension & awakening that you mentioned above.

    I resonate with this as well. Life has been so busy & chaotic that I haven’t made much time to blog! And sometimes I feel a little disconnected from spirit too, especially if I’m not setting aside specific, daily time to tune into the Divine.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’d love to share my thoughts on ascension and awakening – thank you for suggesting that. 🙂 I think reconnecting with spirit really is about setting aside that specific, daily time. It used to be that I had a lot more free time so I didn’t really have to make that extra effort. Now I really see how important that is.

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Aleya. It is so nice to see you back here on WP. I admire you and resonate with much of what you’re going through. I went through severe depression the last few years, yet slogged forward with my blog and routines, but inside I have never found my way back to being as open, alive and social. And like you, I’m letting go of many of my beliefs and ideas about spirituality. Mostly, I’m focused on survival, compassion, and simple living. May all your new choices serve you in opening to more love. Hugs and blessings, Brad

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Brad for your beautiful and insightful comment. Sometimes I feel almost guilty for questioning my spiritual beliefs, since at one time they brought me a lot of comfort. I also find that in some contexts of spiritual realm, if you’re depressed, you’re doing something ‘wrong’. Even though my mind knows that’s not true, there’s this expectation that life should be ‘happy’. But in Krishnamurti’s words, ‘it’s no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society’.

      I so appreciate your sharing and openness. Big hugs back! Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Welcome back! I had gone over the blogs I follow and noticed you had been off line for quite awhile. I wondered how you were and here you are ❤

    It is understandable to feel in between or even skeptical of what is real or true. God knows I have been there. Looking forward to catching up with you.

    Hugs,
    Linda

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Linda, I’ve missed blogging and the connections that come with it. It can be hard when things feel on ‘pause’ beyond our control! I’m happy to be back and I do hope I feel continued inspiration to write and share. Much love and looking forward to catching up. Aleya

      Liked by 1 person

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