when the student is ready…

Last weekend marked another session of my Kundalini Yoga teacher training program. When I started the training last October, spring seemed so far away. And here I am, planning my practicum, which means teaching a ‘real’ class at a studio next month!

One of our first discussions last Fall surrounded the shift from the Piscean Age to the Age of Aquarius. One of the principles of this transition is the emphasis on the Inner Teacher. The era of looking to an external source of religious/spiritual authority is ending. We are learning to access our own inner knowing and become sovereign beings. We self-initiate.

art face

the inner teacher awakens

Many of us who grew up within organized religion – even if our parents weren’t extreme – were programmed to follow rotes and rules, obey authority, and please God. The concept of Judgment Day plagued me from a young age; I learned to police my every thought and action early on in life, because I knew somehow, somewhere God was keeping a tally.

You’re playing with fire, I’d tell myself, when I thought about following my own inner voice. I didn’t even know what that inner voice was, but I sensed it didn’t involve a punishing male authority figure who demanded that I pray a certain way at a certain place, while others prayed in their own designated places. Deviating from my religion filled me with ambivalence, fear, and guilt. Who am I to mess with God’s plan? I must have been born into this religion for a reason. I’m hurting my family with my defiance. When will I stop being so stubborn?

Last weekend’s training required that I practice teach in front of the group. In perfect universal order, I was assigned to lead the very meditation I’d choked on a couple months ago – only this time in front of more bodies! I had to laugh (sorta) at the universe’s humour. It is keeping a tally, but in the most loving way.

This entire training has required me to be continually out of my comfort zone…resisting the process, surrendering to the process, and coming out stronger and more confident.

I’m learning to accept my own inner knowing, and my capacity and readiness to share these sacred teachings. I think we all carry much more information than we know. What if a treasure trove rests in our DNA, the knowledge of lifetimes past and lessons learned? What if we’re here not to be punished for previous ‘bad behaviour’ but, with our own self-mastery and innate tools, awaken realms of information we already posses within?

Are we ready for the magnitude of this? It sounds pretty cool, but it means dying to an old way – and this can be terrifying, despite our greatest desires to be free from our limitations.

Honouring the Inner Teacher doesn’t mean we don’t learn from each other, or honour the teachers around us. For they often awaken and inform our own knowing. We don’t write off those whose style or teachings differ from our own. The Inner Teacher is not about arrogance (though it can slide into ego if unchecked), and it doesn’t mean rejecting religion, if religion brings us joy and comfort.

It does mean we honour all knowledge as different frequencies of the same oneness. (Truth be told: I find the word ‘oneness’ somewhat problematic. It’s used so often in spiritual circles that for me it’s meaning has become diluted.) Honouring the Inner Teacher is about valuing our piece of this big cosmic fractal, and knowing we have something to contribute.

Our existence is not an accident, and we’re not here to merely exist. We did not arrive on this planet to follow along and be sheep and obey authority. (Unless that’s what you really, really want to do.) As an astrologer told me many moons ago: You signed the contract. We came here to change life as we know it, at a time where we – the human race – could make our break ourselves.

No one said a dramatic shift in consciousness would be easy. What is your Inner Teacher telling you?

goodbye city, hello island

Just two days after returning from London, I moved to a smaller city on an island a few hours away from my hometown. A day after that, I started work at a local university – the same university I attended fifteen years ago. The past couple of weeks have been a surreal trip back in time. I’m remembering places and streets I’d forgotten, and discovering new ones.

August was a complete whirlwind: wrapping up one job and starting another, packing up my old apartment, temporarily staying with friends in my new city, and of course the transformative journey in London. I’ve now found a place of my own to live in October…so I’m going to relax and enjoy the rest of September in a beautiful beachside property owned by a family friend, assimilating all that’s occurred.

morning sunrise

morning sunrise

This move happened very quickly. One day I had the thought of changing cities, and a week later I had a job offer and various places to stay. I had no time to ‘think things over’; all I knew was a screaming yes! from within.

I can’t say for certain why I’m here. Merely weeks before my UK trip, I’d moved into a new apartment in my hometown. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I’d found somewhere I could breathe, relax, put down some roots – or at least hang some art on the walls! I’d finally found the sanctuary I’d long yearned for.

And yet, something wasn’t quite right.

I was done with the city. I was tired of the noise, stimulation, sirens, the daily grind. I told myself the outer noise was reflecting my inner noise. But I couldn’t get ahead of it to quiet it down.

I believe that wherever you go, there you are – no matter how far we travel, we can’t escape ourselves – but sometimes a change of scenery is exactly what’s needed for a reset. To cultivate new habits. To shake up the system and connect more easily with one’s inner truth.

Here, on the Island that’s my home for an unbeknownst period of time, things aren’t quite so convenient as in the big city. I haven’t had immediate access to all I ‘need’. (What?? You don’t have wifi here?!) It’s been an adjustment, and annoying at times, but I have to laugh. It’s exactly what I asked for.

my new commute

my new commute

I enjoy being in motion. Whether I’m on a long walk or a ferry, plane, or train, I love travelling to new places. It’s often where I feel most connected to Source – where I receive my insights and downloads. Being in new neighbourhoods, discovering new terrain, excites me.

Nevertheless, as I lay in bed last week, I doubted this very fast turn of events. Was I running away? Did I give up a good gig in my old city? Did I make the wrong decision? I woke up to a voice asking me: What would make this decision worth it? And I realized that wherever I am is the perfect place to be. Because, ultimately, I’m not looking for the ‘right’ job or city or house – even if I think I am.

I’m looking to strengthen my relationship with spirit, with myself – to go within, to find the love within and without, to meditate, to practice yoga, to be more in nature and discover the peace that is my true nature. Those things aren’t necessarily contingent upon external circumstances. But I’m grateful for the Island air reverberating in my cells. And its gorgeous trees, water, and slower pace of life. The elements are supporting new habits and ways of being.

I’ve heard, and I sense, that September is a very potent month. What we do with all the delicious, available energy is up to us. I’m choosing to not squander it on fear.