A couple of weeks ago I returned to my hometown after five months living in a much smaller city. I’m happy to be back. Though my time on the Island was powerful, it was also quite challenging. I missed my native city’s buzz and beauty, and my friends and family.
Wherever you go, there you are. It’s true. Moving to a new location may seem like the solution to our frustrations, but once the novelty wears off we often find our old thoughts and behaviours creeping back in, like weeds growing in our minds. The same dynamics appear, but with new faces and places.
On the other hand, new scenery can give us a reset or fresh perspective. Many people are now being guided to relocate. Maybe we’ve learned all we can where we are, and it’s time to move on.
Personally, so many of my own illusions and delusions came to the surface these last few months, especially in terms of finances and relationships. I became aware of how intertwined my views are on love and money, and where I’ve buried my head in the sand about each. Reality can feel too painful or overwhelming to confront, so we make up stories to avoid it.
I’ve never felt totally at home in 3D. I’ve preferred to spend time in realms beyond the physical, seeking the bigger picture ‘why’ of things. But I can see that over-spiritualizing – looking for a spiritual explanation for everything – doesn’t always serve. I’ve dismissed physical reality as somehow inferior to the ‘higher’ realms. It’s all just an illusion.
Yet we are in the physical, material world on planet earth, and my struggle has been with scarcity. Survival. Poverty. Not enough. I’m not enough. This has manifested in bank balances and romantic relationships that could do nothing but reflect this lack. I’ve blamed ‘evil financial corporations’ and fantasized about ‘twin flames’. I’ve been terrified that external sources had so much power over me, and that I couldn’t wriggle myself out, despite my best efforts and intentions.
It’s been essential to dive into my emotions and memories to understand where my limiting beliefs originated, and how I’ve created experiences of lack over and over. I’ve been on my self-healing journey for many years, and in feeling the pain and emptiness for so long (especially these last few months), I’m now sensing that it doesn’t mean anything.
All the stories I’ve told myself about love and money, and my worthiness (or lack thereof) to receive them, about lessons and karma and suffering, are simply not true. It seems like a paradox; we must feel the intense realness of our darkest places, our deepest lack and shame, to realize it was never true to begin with. Not for us, our parents, or our ancestors.
There is grief in this. We’ve invested so much time and energy in our stories, hopes, and delusions that we resist letting them go. We have known and loved those stories, even if they’ve caused pain. Letting go feels risky, as so many of our loved ones are invested in these same stories. We doubt ourselves. What if I’m wrong? What if God’s testing me, to show how much I care? What if I’m quitting two minutes before the miracle?
Letting go means we give up our attachment to being powerless. We don’t get to be so sad and moody anymore. A whole new range of experience awaits, and we have to be responsible. Who knows what that will demand of us!
But holding on to what’s not working eventually becomes so draining that we simply do not have the energy to continue. It’s not worth the consequences to our body and spirit. We have no recourse but to throw in the towel and trust the tiny shred of hope that something greater just might be on the horizon.
I’m open to miracles, 5D living, and quantum shifts in consciousness. Bring it on! But I’m committed to not living in la-la land. I intend to see the physical, material world with more crystal clarity than ever, knowing I have the resources to handle it. I’ll see through 3D’s illusions (and yeah, it is all illusion), so that real truth can shine through.