It has been a long while since I last posted. Blogging, which had once been a big part of my life, slowly became less of a priority these last couple years.
Some reasons are obvious: I discovered a new creative endeavour that quickly became an obsession, occupying virtually every minute of my spare time. I began co-habitating with my significant other, and didn’t have the focus I had when it was just me in my own space, doing whatever I wanted, whenever.
Other reasons for the pause were less obvious. Mainly, I felt I was just sharing too much, a theme which had already surfaced in some of my posts. I felt overexposed, somewhat fragmented, and vulnerable…in my perception, open to attack.
Much of what I wrote about in my four years of blogging concerned spiritual matters, and even that was feeling less authentic. I’d consumed so much over the years – spiritual readings and philosophies, self help books, psychics and teachers, personal growth workshops…and something inside me said – enough. This wasn’t a conscious decision. But it was time to unplug.
I wanted this blog to be inspirational, uplifting, and to help people…but that felt forced, these last couple of years.
I’ve long viewed the planet, and the current state of humanity, as undergoing a cleansing and purging period – the unveiling of the shadow, the age of Kali Yuga. And for years, my inner optimist viewed that as positive: humans would eventually wake up, see the light, and usher in a new age.
I no longer experience that certainty, that optimism. Maybe there will be a golden age of humanity, but I’m not as convinced I’ll see it in my lifetime. I am getting glimpses of it, however. (And as I write this, I suppose anything can happen…wildcards, miracles…) How to detach from the ultimate outcome, without becoming passive or apathetic?
For a while I thought about starting a new, anonymous blog, where I could freely write about all the thoughts that plague me, and not worry about oversharing or being perceived as negative. But maybe I will write about those things right here, because I know others are feeling what I do, and there is comfort in that.
Through writing, maybe the positive will be revealed. And really, when it comes to positive/negative…it’s not that simple, is it? There is peace and contentment in accepting all my emotions, without self-judgment or comparing myself to others’ emotional states (which I can never really know). Pretending to be ‘love and light’ when I’m feeling dark and surly only makes me feel worse.
And speaking of judgment, another reason blogging became difficult: the self-imposed perfectionism! I wanted every post to be well-written, perfect grammar, poetic, deep, lots of likes. It took the fun away from it.
Where am I now? I’m still obsessed with making jewelry. But that can be a very solitary activity, and I do want to connect to kindred spirits. In these times it’s so tempting to crawl into my little cocoon and hide out there indefinitely.
I say a big hello to all my blogging friends, and hope and trust you are all well.